LovelyKaya33333

First and foremost I just want to share my appreciation to everyone who has taken the time to respond. Secondly I couldn't ask for a better gift than rereading all my posts from over 5 years ago on here about the same alcoholic that was my boyfriend that I ended up marrying that just left me in the same cruel manner he did all those years ago. I am about 1/2 way through reading my many posts from 2016 and I am floored. I could write word for word (no joke) the same exact things. The only difference is we are now married and my step kids are 11 and 13 now. If I inserted husband instead of the word boyfriend and 11 and 13 instead of 5 and 7 NOTHING changed. The best best best gift ever. The validation and clarity I have rereading the years of how I finally got to my breaking point is so .....there are no words... I read some of it to my alanon sponser.... we laughed and I cried but I cried happy tears... It was a relief to see how I got to where I am today. My husband left me in 1 hour on Sunday. Packed up the van after yet another argument about his promise to stop drinking that never happened and took my step kids and left to move across country... and no joke the day before we were looking at new apartments closer to the beach to move into... The crazy making of active addictions is no joke.....And though I have cried a bunch ... reading where I was at 5 years ago when he would pull similiar **** ...oh my gosh I was so much more devestated then.... I mean I haven't missed a meal since he left Sunday. Years ago I couldn't eat for weeks... So I filed for divorce yesterday and after reading through many old threads something amazing happened. Something lifted... I DON"T WANT HIM anymore!!!!!!! Sorry for the all caps....but it is reasonating throughout my body right now.... I am pretty sure I will still have bad days as grief usually goes but I am not having to challenge myself to be no contact it is simply what I want. I haven't said a word to him since he walked out Sunday. Not a single text ....Gosh just thankful for you guys and thankful for this time capsule of evidence that he has ALWAYS treated me like ****.... goodness a blessing for sure

Cookie314

Amazing how long those lessons take to stick, isn't it? I'm glad you're able to move on from him. You can totally do this!

honeypig

Having the ability to go back and look at old posts is one of the great things about being at SR. It's really amazing how we can say/do the same things over and over and OVER again and not realize it--and this isn't limited to you, either, Kaya, I know for sure I've done it many times!

I'm glad you were able to go back and read and understand that you've been on the same old treadmill for years. Sometimes it just takes a long time for us to get the knowledge right down to our bones and then ACT on it. I'm sure you're right, you'll continue to suffer for a while, but the difference is that had you stayed w/your A, the suffering would never improve. You're definitely going to get better now that you've decided to live differently. Definitely.

Eauchiche

Dear Kaya
There is no shame from me. Recovery is a process and none of us have done so completely.
I am SO happy for you. I am also sorry for the pain you have been through.

I think our culture mistakenly believes that alcohol isn’t as bad as other drugs.
I was thinking about an exorcist priest I listen to who mentioned that he has had authentic exorcism cases that started out from garden variety alcoholism.
After being too close to some of them, I believe him.