When I FINALLY realized sex is another substitute for the booze
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
When I FINALLY realized sex is another substitute for the booze
Okay. I did the TYPICAL dumb-ass codie thing: be a better person, be a better wife, and he'll straighten up and go to work regularly and quit starting to booze at 10 in the morning. How many ways can we spell S-T-U-P-I-D?
I guess it was a combination of my just being plain old horney and still having some feelings left for him. Anyway, he went heywire!!! It was as if I was so connected to that bottle of Scotch and that cheap box of wine he gets so drunk on. All of a sudden, he wouldn't leave me alone for a second ... it was like a teenage boy with hormones out of control. At the same time, he stayed home for two days and stayed pretty trashed most of the time.
I got through to him on some level when I was able to make him see that boozing and sexing won't make the hurt and pain go away - it's just a temporary fix.
The major problem is that his first wife - she left him on their sixth wedding anniversary (nice, huh?) - was a symbol to him. Only trailer-park trash get divorced. Marriage is forever. Once you're divorce you're damaged goods.
Four years after all this goes down, I enter the scene. He has only had ONE DATE in those four years. The neighbors thought he was gay. I asked a good man friend of mine - he thought the guy was guy too. Nope. Not gay. Just MAJOR messed up. Wants love, but dreads it. All sorts of inner angst.
Now he FINALLY realizes he needs help. So I am supposed to do whatever it takes to make this happen. Let's put the emphasis on "I". I'm supposed to call the psychologist and make his initial appointment. I'm supposed to call the psychiatrist to see if he needs any sorts of meds - particularly anti-depressants. TALK ABOUT ENABLING!!!
Hell, if he feels that damned bad, I'll give him the phone numbers and he can call or he can call directory assistance to get the numbers or simply ask me if I have the @#$%#@$%@#$ numbers!
I suddenly realized that I'm nothing more than that bottle of booze that drowns out whatever pain he feels, if only temporarily. He was right: he never loved me. I doubt he ever loved his first wife either, but she represented the way of life he was to follow: marry for life, for better or worse - for richer or for poorer - in sickness and in health. Never mind that she crapped all over him. He can't get past that. His "dream" has died and he can't live with it.
So here I sit, just a substitute for that bottle of booze. Stupid me ... I thought he actually, sincerely wanted me.
Time for a reality check and a wake-up call.
I guess it was a combination of my just being plain old horney and still having some feelings left for him. Anyway, he went heywire!!! It was as if I was so connected to that bottle of Scotch and that cheap box of wine he gets so drunk on. All of a sudden, he wouldn't leave me alone for a second ... it was like a teenage boy with hormones out of control. At the same time, he stayed home for two days and stayed pretty trashed most of the time.
I got through to him on some level when I was able to make him see that boozing and sexing won't make the hurt and pain go away - it's just a temporary fix.
The major problem is that his first wife - she left him on their sixth wedding anniversary (nice, huh?) - was a symbol to him. Only trailer-park trash get divorced. Marriage is forever. Once you're divorce you're damaged goods.
Four years after all this goes down, I enter the scene. He has only had ONE DATE in those four years. The neighbors thought he was gay. I asked a good man friend of mine - he thought the guy was guy too. Nope. Not gay. Just MAJOR messed up. Wants love, but dreads it. All sorts of inner angst.
Now he FINALLY realizes he needs help. So I am supposed to do whatever it takes to make this happen. Let's put the emphasis on "I". I'm supposed to call the psychologist and make his initial appointment. I'm supposed to call the psychiatrist to see if he needs any sorts of meds - particularly anti-depressants. TALK ABOUT ENABLING!!!
Hell, if he feels that damned bad, I'll give him the phone numbers and he can call or he can call directory assistance to get the numbers or simply ask me if I have the @#$%#@$%@#$ numbers!
I suddenly realized that I'm nothing more than that bottle of booze that drowns out whatever pain he feels, if only temporarily. He was right: he never loved me. I doubt he ever loved his first wife either, but she represented the way of life he was to follow: marry for life, for better or worse - for richer or for poorer - in sickness and in health. Never mind that she crapped all over him. He can't get past that. His "dream" has died and he can't live with it.
So here I sit, just a substitute for that bottle of booze. Stupid me ... I thought he actually, sincerely wanted me.
Time for a reality check and a wake-up call.
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
Hi Prodigal,
Welcome to the Land of DUH!!! It's a shame, isn't it? We try everything we can to take their focus off the booze/drugs and wind up getting sc***** in more ways than one. I discovered that early on. For years I was too scared to say no.
Now, there are problems on his end but the psychological dry-drunk still wants to be a stud and can't
. I told him that if the body says no and his mind says yes, to just hang it up because you can't have sex with a mind. But he won't give up and got Viagara. When he brought them home, I asked him who he he had a date with to use the stuff. Wow, did he get pi****. I loved it.
I saw our doctor a few months later and gave him hell for giving him the samples and he apologized.
I love your honesty...horney. Good grief, I haven't heard that word in a long time. What's it mean????????
Kathy
Welcome to the Land of DUH!!! It's a shame, isn't it? We try everything we can to take their focus off the booze/drugs and wind up getting sc***** in more ways than one. I discovered that early on. For years I was too scared to say no.
Now, there are problems on his end but the psychological dry-drunk still wants to be a stud and can't
. I told him that if the body says no and his mind says yes, to just hang it up because you can't have sex with a mind. But he won't give up and got Viagara. When he brought them home, I asked him who he he had a date with to use the stuff. Wow, did he get pi****. I loved it.I saw our doctor a few months later and gave him hell for giving him the samples and he apologized.
I love your honesty...horney. Good grief, I haven't heard that word in a long time. What's it mean????????
Kathy
Caring for the 3 little bears
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oz
Posts: 509
Originally Posted by prodigal
He was right: he never loved me. I doubt he ever loved his first wife either...So here I sit, just a substitute for that bottle of booze. Stupid me ... I thought he actually, sincerely wanted me.
I feel the Saturday Night Live skit coming again... uh oh, here it is...say it with me Prod...
"I'm smart enough, I'm cute enough, and gosh darnit, people like me!"
geez, i am insane.
Dee at Mt Bully
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Placerville, Ca
Posts: 251
You 'all are just to funny. If it wasn't so sad it would be real real funny. I just tried
to have a conversation with my dry drunk--that was like nails on a chalk board. He
feels angry he feels resentment. Yippee--welcome to the club. Personally I think he's
a little slow to join I've been there for at least 5 years. It just seems to always be about them, and it always seems to be our fault. That sex thing you were talking about--whats up with that I think I have some memorys from long long ago. LOL--
Horny--thats a toad right? Smiles--Dee
to have a conversation with my dry drunk--that was like nails on a chalk board. He
feels angry he feels resentment. Yippee--welcome to the club. Personally I think he's
a little slow to join I've been there for at least 5 years. It just seems to always be about them, and it always seems to be our fault. That sex thing you were talking about--whats up with that I think I have some memorys from long long ago. LOL--
Horny--thats a toad right? Smiles--Dee
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: nowheresville
Posts: 872
Prodigal,
Just carry on focussing on you, it's not up to you to call anyone for your A. Make calls for you.
Your A is too sick to love anyone else other than his alcohol, no point in focussing on whether he loved you or not, it just hurts you. It's not a personal thing believe me no reflection on you whatsoever.
Ngaire
Just carry on focussing on you, it's not up to you to call anyone for your A. Make calls for you.
Your A is too sick to love anyone else other than his alcohol, no point in focussing on whether he loved you or not, it just hurts you. It's not a personal thing believe me no reflection on you whatsoever.
Ngaire
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((((Prodigal))))))
Have you ever talked to his ex-w? Do you ever wonder why she left? Do you really think it was because she was a b*tch? Could it have been that she had just had enough of his cr@p?
Have you ever talked to his ex-w? Do you ever wonder why she left? Do you really think it was because she was a b*tch? Could it have been that she had just had enough of his cr@p?
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