Gb66

My AH has been drinking heavily and pretty much daily for about 37 years (he is 54 now). I had not grown up around alcohol so I had no idea what I was getting myself into. He has gone to bars most days to see his drinking buddies while I have raised our children (19 and 21). He runs a very successful business and really only needs to work about 6 hours a day. I have stayed with him mainly due to the fact I was diagnosed with cancer twice and needed him to help with the kids. Also because I was scared of his reaction but I am not afraid now. He has caused huge suffering for my children that only recently
came to light. My one child does not want a relationship with him but has asked me not to leave him yet as she is already dealing with so much. I have agreed but expect I will ask him to leave in the next year. I am fine with it as I have already separated myself but he has no idea that I am serious.
After all that, my question is, for a guy who can drink glass after glass of vodka, finish off a big bottle of wine in an evening or beer by the case, how is he so healthy? Excellent blood pressure, no cholesterol issues, liver function is fine. He is overweight but very strong and manages to do things guys half is age couldn't even think about. He will not go the gym for a year and then go and pick up where he left off (cardio wise).
He says he is doing what he wants with his life although if his health suffers he will take it more seriously. So far that doesn't seem like a possibility and I feel he will outlive all of us! Is it possible he can keep this up forever??
Curious of anyone else has been in this situation.

Rachel1411

He will be okay until he suddenly isn't. My AXH was a secret drinker of vodka for several years and claimed the doctor said his liver was fine. You don't really know the truth about health matters unless you're in the doctor's office with him. I was finally in the room when a doctor told my AXH that his hip bones were disintegrating because of alcohol abuse....this while we were still married and I wasn't even sure he was drinking. He wouldn't stop, and two years later I divorced him. Two years after that he died of alcohol-induced liver failure. In short, an alcoholic cannot drink excessively and live forever. It's true people's tolerance levels vary widely, but bear in mind my AXH was drinking enough to disentegrate his bones, while I only suspected he was drinking. Up until the last few months, he seemed remarkably healthy, mowed the lawn, lifted heavy objects, etc.. The outside appearance sometimes doesn't reflect what's going on inside. This may not sound compassionate, but I'm glad I got out before having to deal with the trauma and expense of end-stage alcoholism. If you don't want to spend your golden years nursing a dying alcoholic and having your savings depleted by the medical costs, get out while you can.

Gb66

It makes sense that it may happen more suddenly in his case. At least sudden too me. It makes me so angry that I have health issues for no obvious reason and he has no health issues when he should! Not that I wish illness on anyone.

I feel so detached that if he developed health issues today I would tell him to deal with it. I work in a hospital and have seen end stage cirrhosis and told him all about it. He said if he got that bad he would end it all. Easy to say until it happens.

Gb66

It makes sense that it may happen more suddenly in his case. At least sudden too me. It makes me so angry that I have health issues for no obvious reason and he has no health issues when he should! Not that I wish illness on anyone.

I feel so detached that if he developed health issues today I would tell him to deal with it. I work in a hospital and have seen end stage cirrhosis and told him all about it. He said if he got that bad he would end it all. Easy to say until it happens.

PeacefulWater12

My AH was 79 when he died a couple months ago.

With him the damage was long and slow. A gradual loss of mobility and a lot of pain. I would say he was ill about ten years until he passed.

In others it is fast and sudden.

I am surprised at your comment at your daughter asking you to stay until she is ready for you to leave. It is up to you, not her. I would encourage you to do what is best for you and your wellbeing.

FallenAngelina

Ya, nevermind his amazing health, what's up with this???

Gb66

I totally realize now how that sounds! My daughter who is not ready to leave yet, is in recovery from an eating disorder diagnosed less than 2 years ago and has recently been diagnosed with bipolar and anxiety. She is doing everything right with lots of support to get better. Seeing as AH is never home,, she can go days without seeing him. I believe her when she says now a move (to another town) , the worry and stress would be alot. I realize it is my decision but since I am dealing with AH and feel strong, and she is asking for a bit more time, I think it is the right move. If anything changes, then we will get out asap!

Sueby

I get why you’re not leaving. Sometimes there are other factors to consider that aren’t just ours, but your time will come and things will align so you can be take back your own life.

I hope your daughter continues to thrive and you’re taking time for yourself 💕💕

comewhatmay

Hello and I'm so sorry you're going through this. As other members have mentioned, there may be damage you're not aware of. Alcohol is a one size fits all poison. It effects everything. Chronic alcohol abuse always leads to negative health consequences. Things might catch up with him suddenly, people often hit a rapid decline and die. I know of two people who died of alcohol poisoning after a weekend of binge drinking.

I guess my point can be summed up as, human beings can die from just about anything if the conditions are right. Just because he looks healthy, doesn't mean he is.

Freshstart1111

My AXH had AVN (avascular necrosis) which was disintegrating his hip and had a hip replacement at age 48! The only risk factor/cause he had of all the ones that are associated with AVN was alcohol. I don’t think he even got it that his drinking did this. It feels good to know that my belief that alcohol caused it was likely true, based on it happening to your AXH too.

Macyc

How does one know their bones are doing that from alcohol? What are the symptoms and any bones or just hips? I’m just curious.

honeypig

Alcohol has many, many different effects on the body. I didn't realize this either until two separate situations occurred in which XAH was injured more than the circumstances seemed to warrant, one involving a vertebral fracture and one involving 5 broken ribs and a shattered elbow. That's when I learned about the effect of alcohol on bone health. (XAH is also a smoker, and smoking is also a risk factor for osteoporosis, something else I never knew.)

This is from the NIH site:Alcohol negatively affects bone health for several reasons. To begin with, excessive alcohol interferes with the balance of calcium, an essential nutrient for healthy bones. Calcium balance may be further disrupted by alcohol’s ability to interfere with the production of vitamin D, a vitamin essential for calcium absorption.

In addition, chronic heavy drinking can cause hormone deficiencies in men and women. Men with alcoholism may produce less testosterone, a hormone linked to the production of osteoblasts (the cells that stimulate bone formation). In women, chronic alcohol exposure can trigger irregular menstrual cycles, a factor that reduces estrogen levels, increasing the risk for osteoporosis. Also, cortisol levels may be elevated in people with alcoholism. Cortisol is known to decrease bone formation and increase bone breakdown.

Because of the effects of alcohol on balance and gait, people with alcoholism tend to fall more frequently than those without the disorder. Heavy alcohol consumption has been linked to an increase in the risk of fracture, including the most serious kind—hip fracture. Vertebral fractures are also more common in chronic heavy drinkers.

Full article here: https://www.bones.nih.gov/health-inf...ors/alcoholism

Freshstart1111

For my AXH, it was excruciating hip, back and knee pain. It was the hip causing it but the other areas were affected because he was compensating with his movements for the hip pain. It was bone on bone in his hip joint.