Bulls626

After almost two years and countless sleepless nights fill with worry I finally got to the point where I have to let go. The tipping point was when my ex claimed she put a restraining order assaulted, abused, and harassed in the worst of ways about two months ago. Then I come to find today that she's drive this very person's car after the restraining order. Naturally I asked and questioned the logic in this because to me it doesn't make any sense. And of course she denied it all and said I was "making it all up" even though the car was parked right outside her house. For me this was the eye opener. It showed me there was no limit to the lies and how far she would go to make sure she did what she wanted. Maybe it's the addiction? She claims she hasn't used in three months but after today I question everything. Maybe because it's so soon that she's one shake ground? And I being cold blooded for leaving when she's still fresh into her recovery? I don't know but I do know that if you can lie to me about that the sky is the limit and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I turned a blind eye this time around. Still, I feel guilty and as if doing so will be me failing her

Dee74

As tough as it must have been, it sounds good to me that you made a decision Bulls. Its important to have boundaries for our own protection and welfare.
I understand feeling guilty too, but I come from the 'other side' of the boards here and I firmly believe your exes recovery journey is hers to travel not yours...

D

comewhatmay

Hi Bulls626. Sometimes people will have you convinced that the problem is not their bad behavior, but your reaction to their behavior. If you don't comply with their selfish agenda you're the bad guy. They will keep doing it, and not give one care in the world. Chaos naturally accompanies the disease of addiction. Please don’t beat yourself up with guilt or blame because you left. I think you made the right decision for you. Your well-being is your foremost priority. Her recovery is her responsibility. Sad fact, sometimes leaving is the best thing you can do for them. Sometimes its what is needed to make them start being responsible for themselves.

Ann

Trust your instincts. You know what you know, deep inside.

Blaming others is a way to avoid taking responsibility for oneself. She can blame whoever she wants, just don't take it to heart because it's all just part of the chaos.

Nothing you do or don't do, nothing you say or don't say, will change how she is. She is incapable of changing until she accepts responsibility for herself and takes action to do something about it. Nothing you do or don't do can make that happen anytime soon.

Take care of yourself, start by removing yourself from "her" chaos. It gets worse over time.