Say When It's Time For A Change
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Say When It's Time For A Change Say When It's Time For A Change
Eventually, enough is enough. We have held on to our broken dream until it has become a weight on our back, held on to our broken relationship until we cannot find the strength to give it another go, and clung to expectations, fears, worries, and chains until we can’t stand the strain any longer.
We’re at a crossroads. One path leads further into familiar territory. The other path leads to a breakthrough. What lies on the other side, we can’t see.
It’s the void, the unknown, the unknowable.
This isn’t death. It’s a rebirth, an awakening as profound as that moment when sobriety first takes hold of the lifelong drunk. Or when the confused codependent takes those first steps of self-care.
Are you willing to risk it? Have you reached the point yet where enough is enough? Or will you take the other, more familiar path back to continue rehashing what you’ve already been through? Sometimes it’s easier to stay with our limitations and with what doesn’t work. At least then we know what to expect.
Take a chance. Try something new. Go ahead. Step on that new path, even though you’re not certain where it will lead. See! Right around the bend is a glowing light. The new path may not be any easier to walk than the old path, but this new road will lead to joy.
For now it’s enough to be willing to change.
To do that, step into the void.
God, help me see the things that I need to let go of to continue my growth. Help me walk away from what’s comfortable and known into the unknown and what I can’t see or predict.
~From the desk of Melody Beattie
Eventually, enough is enough. We have held on to our broken dream until it has become a weight on our back, held on to our broken relationship until we cannot find the strength to give it another go, and clung to expectations, fears, worries, and chains until we can’t stand the strain any longer.
We’re at a crossroads. One path leads further into familiar territory. The other path leads to a breakthrough. What lies on the other side, we can’t see.
It’s the void, the unknown, the unknowable.
This isn’t death. It’s a rebirth, an awakening as profound as that moment when sobriety first takes hold of the lifelong drunk. Or when the confused codependent takes those first steps of self-care.
Are you willing to risk it? Have you reached the point yet where enough is enough? Or will you take the other, more familiar path back to continue rehashing what you’ve already been through? Sometimes it’s easier to stay with our limitations and with what doesn’t work. At least then we know what to expect.
Take a chance. Try something new. Go ahead. Step on that new path, even though you’re not certain where it will lead. See! Right around the bend is a glowing light. The new path may not be any easier to walk than the old path, but this new road will lead to joy.
For now it’s enough to be willing to change.
To do that, step into the void.
God, help me see the things that I need to let go of to continue my growth. Help me walk away from what’s comfortable and known into the unknown and what I can’t see or predict.
~From the desk of Melody Beattie
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Take a chance. Try something new. Go ahead. Step on that new path, even though you’re not certain where it will lead. See! Right around the bend is a glowing light. The new path may not be any easier to walk than the old path, but this new road will lead to joy.
For now it’s enough to be willing to change.
The hardest thing I ever did was to let go of my son's addiction and trying to control it. How could I "give up"?
I didn't give up, I pray every morning for God to watch over him and guide him to a better path. And then I give his care to God.
Some things are just not ours to control. Trying to control others may very well make US sick, much sicker than we know at the time.
Letting go was the hardest thing I ever did...and the wisest, the healthiest and the one action necessary to guide myself back to a better path of living a healthy and happy life. God's got the rest covered,
Hugs to all!
For now it’s enough to be willing to change.
The hardest thing I ever did was to let go of my son's addiction and trying to control it. How could I "give up"?
I didn't give up, I pray every morning for God to watch over him and guide him to a better path. And then I give his care to God.
Some things are just not ours to control. Trying to control others may very well make US sick, much sicker than we know at the time.
Letting go was the hardest thing I ever did...and the wisest, the healthiest and the one action necessary to guide myself back to a better path of living a healthy and happy life. God's got the rest covered,
Hugs to all!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 291
"Letting go was the hardest thing I ever did...and the wisest, the healthiest and the one action necessary to guide myself back to a better path of living a healthy and happy life. God's got the rest covered,"
The hardest thing I have done also, Ann. But this time around, absolutely necessary. I will no longer be the target for my sons vile torrebts of abuse (verbal/txt).
He was released from prison on the 21st of April, on 28 months probation and has been under the influence since. Accomodated a good half hour drive from me, but still turned up at my door, uninvited, 3 times. Twice on Thursday evening, and on Friday morning. Wanting money of course. Refusal always triggers the torrent of abuse.
I logged the incidents with the police, who came to take statements from myself and my husband on Saturday.
I have blocked my sons mobile number, and have no desire to have any form of contact. He is on a "shakey nail" regarding probation, and he will probably (hopefully) go back to prison.
Much Love
Bute xx
The hardest thing I have done also, Ann. But this time around, absolutely necessary. I will no longer be the target for my sons vile torrebts of abuse (verbal/txt).
He was released from prison on the 21st of April, on 28 months probation and has been under the influence since. Accomodated a good half hour drive from me, but still turned up at my door, uninvited, 3 times. Twice on Thursday evening, and on Friday morning. Wanting money of course. Refusal always triggers the torrent of abuse.
I logged the incidents with the police, who came to take statements from myself and my husband on Saturday.
I have blocked my sons mobile number, and have no desire to have any form of contact. He is on a "shakey nail" regarding probation, and he will probably (hopefully) go back to prison.
Much Love
Bute xx
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Well done on protecting yourself and your husband, Bute.
Drugs does terrible things and when we think we are in danger from our addicted sons, we ARE.
My son too has headed back to prison, for theft of a vehicle to commit another big crime. He is a thug, a hardened and dangerous criminal and an addict. He is no longer the dear young man that we lost a long time ago to addiction. He doesn't know where I live now, and I stay off social media so am hard to find. It's just as well. If he called or showed up I would call the police immediately because, quite frankly, I am afraid of him now and can no longer be any part of his life.
That's a tough call for a parent to make. Addiction steals our children and shows no mercy in where they end up.
My heart sends hugs to yours. We're okay, God's got the rest covered.
Drugs does terrible things and when we think we are in danger from our addicted sons, we ARE.
My son too has headed back to prison, for theft of a vehicle to commit another big crime. He is a thug, a hardened and dangerous criminal and an addict. He is no longer the dear young man that we lost a long time ago to addiction. He doesn't know where I live now, and I stay off social media so am hard to find. It's just as well. If he called or showed up I would call the police immediately because, quite frankly, I am afraid of him now and can no longer be any part of his life.
That's a tough call for a parent to make. Addiction steals our children and shows no mercy in where they end up.
My heart sends hugs to yours. We're okay, God's got the rest covered.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: USA
Posts: 92
[QUOTE=Ann;7629806]Say When It's Time For A Change
Eventually, enough is enough. We have held on to our broken dream until it has become a weight on our back, held on to our broken relationship until we cannot find the strength to give it another go, and clung to expectations, fears, worries, and chains until we can’t stand the strain any longer.
Thank you for your wisdom and perspective. I have found this to be true. Lived it and learned from it! I held onto HOPE for way too long; hope that my relationship I knew in my heart was not healthy would get better, hope that he would understand how hurtful his behavior was, hope that he would change his ways to become the healthy person I wished he could be. Finally, I said enough! I had to give up hope and shift my focus to what *I* have control of: only myself. It takes a lot of faith, strength and courage along with searching your soul to abandon toxic ties. It has been a big relief to me not to feel responsible for getting him out of his messes, be they financial, emotional, etc. My life is infinitely better now than when I was enmeshed in the drama.
Eventually, enough is enough. We have held on to our broken dream until it has become a weight on our back, held on to our broken relationship until we cannot find the strength to give it another go, and clung to expectations, fears, worries, and chains until we can’t stand the strain any longer.
Thank you for your wisdom and perspective. I have found this to be true. Lived it and learned from it! I held onto HOPE for way too long; hope that my relationship I knew in my heart was not healthy would get better, hope that he would understand how hurtful his behavior was, hope that he would change his ways to become the healthy person I wished he could be. Finally, I said enough! I had to give up hope and shift my focus to what *I* have control of: only myself. It takes a lot of faith, strength and courage along with searching your soul to abandon toxic ties. It has been a big relief to me not to feel responsible for getting him out of his messes, be they financial, emotional, etc. My life is infinitely better now than when I was enmeshed in the drama.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
My broken dream became a nightmare...and still I hung on. It's when my entire life became a nightmare that I knew I had to change, or die trying.
Comewhatmay, you have shared some solid recovery here, thank you.
Comewhatmay, you have shared some solid recovery here, thank you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: USA
Posts: 92
Originally Posted by Ann 
My broken dream became a nightmare...and still I hung on. It's when my entire life became a nightmare that I knew I had to change, or die trying.
Comewhatmay, you have shared some solid recovery here, thank you.
Comewhatmay, you have shared some solid recovery here, thank you.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Well said. I was obsessed with my son's addiction and making it stop.
He was obsessed with keeping it going.
The insanity of all that escaped me at the time.
It's a little frightening that my mind could not see that clearly.
It's time for a change when we stop seeing the insanity of it all.
Meetings and SR helped me find my light again and I have never looked back.
He was obsessed with keeping it going.
The insanity of all that escaped me at the time.
It's a little frightening that my mind could not see that clearly.
It's time for a change when we stop seeing the insanity of it all.
Meetings and SR helped me find my light again and I have never looked back.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: USA
Posts: 92
[QUOTE=Ann;7633970]
The insanity of all that escaped me at the time.
It's a little frightening that my mind could not see that clearly.
It's time for a change when we stop seeing the insanity of it all.
This is so spot on. I hear you. I believe this lack of clarity is common when you're dealing with a loved one with an addiction. Its such a dysfunctional situation with so much confusion (dissonance) that it is very hard to see things clearly. I think its this constant push pull between your intuition and wanting to believe them. You don’t realize until after you’ve distanced yourself from the person and then you realize the insanity of the whole situation. It took me a long time to actually understand the more you forgive, understand, and make excuses for someone's behavior out of love, it only makes them take advantage of that love you are offering, instead of being grateful for the many chances they have been given. I am not where I want to be yet but I am proud of where I am compared to where I was in that relationship. My eyes are open and I'm awake.
The insanity of all that escaped me at the time.
It's a little frightening that my mind could not see that clearly.
It's time for a change when we stop seeing the insanity of it all.
This is so spot on. I hear you. I believe this lack of clarity is common when you're dealing with a loved one with an addiction. Its such a dysfunctional situation with so much confusion (dissonance) that it is very hard to see things clearly. I think its this constant push pull between your intuition and wanting to believe them. You don’t realize until after you’ve distanced yourself from the person and then you realize the insanity of the whole situation. It took me a long time to actually understand the more you forgive, understand, and make excuses for someone's behavior out of love, it only makes them take advantage of that love you are offering, instead of being grateful for the many chances they have been given. I am not where I want to be yet but I am proud of where I am compared to where I was in that relationship. My eyes are open and I'm awake.
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