HopeUnending

It's been a little over 2 weeks now I've been away from home. I've spent most of it having Covid, mild but still ongoing. In this time I have found so much peace working on myself. I'm attending Zoom AA meetings every day. I finally figured out how to focus on me. It's pretty awesome to realize my side of the street is getting clean and it feels/looks good. I am not focused on AH's every move, how I can help, what I need to do for him. Once I backed off an unexpected thing has happened, my AH has decided to get help and has been going to AA every chance he can every day. He's taking responsibility for himself and his actions. He is becoming his own person and he's not drinking.
All the time, energy I wasted trying to save him and thinking I was doing my best for us... I wasn't. That was my bad, I own it. He is doing things for himself and I couldn't be more proud of him for that. It's a long road and I get that. I still have hope this may not be an end, it may be a new beginning. Time will tell.

suki44883

Yes, time will tell...lots of time. While it's possible he is sincere about recovery, I wouldn't dismiss the idea that it may just be a reaction to you leaving, and an attempt to placate you and get you to come back home. It is great that you are using this time to focus on yourself and your needs. If he truly wants recovery, you will see it in his actions for the long term. I'd wait at least a year before even considering the thought of reconciliation.

dandylion

hopeunending.....I underline the same thing that suki just said.....Congratulation devoting your time to working on yourself. This is truly great news.
Again, do not in your encouragement about your husband, underestimate the time and rigorous work that it takes for an alcoholic to get into genuine recovery. It can take anywhere from 1-2-3-4-5 years for some people to really make the kinds of changes in their thinking, and attitude and actions to really get it.
Yes, it is common for the alcoholic to do the amount of good things in order to reel the spouse back in to the relationship.
I know I must sound like Debbie Downer---and,I wish it weren't that way---but, that is just one of the realities of dealing with an alcoholic in our llives.

Just keep on truckin!

suncatcher

I am happy you have spent this time working on you! I have found this time of isolation rewarding in that sense also. I hope you get to feeling better soon! I do think its a great thing that your husband is getting help too but as you know, it can be a slippery slope. Keep taking care of you and keeping your side of the street clean just as you have been and that will give you strength and clarity! Best wishes!

Hawkeye13

Give it plenty of time.

Often when the A senses their family member has finally had enough, they take superficial and short-term action to, as dandy said above,reel the family member back into the status quo situation.

Be careful and keep building your own recovery apart from him for now: Especially if you are hearing about this from him or his family. They want you back in your caregiving / enabling role ASAP.

PeacefulWater12

Sorry I need to add my voice to people saying that this might well be a manipulation. My late AH pulled similar stunts.

You are right to focus on yourself and your wellbeing. Hope you recover from Covid well.

Amaranth

Focus on your own recovery regardless of what your husband does or doesn't do.
maybe his recovery is genuine, maybe it's not. Doesn't change the fact that your recovery is genuine.
Expectations lead to disappointments.