Tired1

My son has realized that alcohol is not a good part of his life and is getting sober. He reached out to AH last night to share how great he is feeling and how he will be there for his dad when he is ready for help. AH response:
"I understand. I am sure your Mom is painting me as an alcoholic as that is all she calls me. I have actually cut back a lot. I am out with my buddies tonight, but overall have been drinking a lot less than I did. I haven't seen her in a week and a half though. I am sure when I get back home it will be rough again".

My son knows his dad is making me the villain as alcoholics will do. I am praying I have the strength to ignore the man when he "gets home" so I can stay detached.

If you are following my story I had posted about the cans and bottles I found on Monday when I was gone the weekend, so how does he explain those?

suki44883

You don't really need him to explain those. You know what you know. His words mean nothing, and you know that, too.

dandylion

Tired.......the logic of why there are those cans and bottles will seem self evident to you....as you don't have anything to protect that relates to cans or bottles. For him, though, it feels like life or death---as alcohol probably feels as necessary as oxygen, to him.
Most likely, he will resort to lying or deflection or some far fetched rationalizations. Those techniques are very common and are desperate attempts to deal with their desperate need to hold on to their lifeline.
Making a confrontation about the cans and bottles will put the both of you through an exhausting drama----without arriving at any positive result.
Don't think that he will say-----"O.K. you caught me. I have been secretly drinking, but now you have shown me that I am an alcoholic---so, I will do the logical thing and never drink again. Thanks!"
You know that he is an alcoholic---and, he knows it, deep down---but is to scared and unable/unwilling to face the reality of it---at least, not now.

PeacefulWater12

I would encourage you to step back from being involved. It will not help you feel any better and will just be exhausting.

Bekindalways

Hi Tired. I can well believe that you are tired (-;

I hope you have some support as living with an alcoholic is hellish. Although they are fairly predictable, this doesn't make it much easier.

Someone may have already asked but I didn't see it; have you found an online Alanon meeting? Also the book Codependent No More is a bit of a bible around here and worth a read.

Tired1

I did read the book and found a couple local meetings, but my work schedule the past few weeks hasn't allowed me the freedom to go. I did find an on-line group, but haven't really focused a ton on it.

Bekindalways

Alanon isn't for everyone but for some it is a game changer. It may help turn your focus from the alcoholic, who you can't change, to yourself who you can.

Hang tough. Dealing with an alcoholic is really horrific . . . . although you have probably noticed that.