If I can do it.....
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
If I can do it.....
You can too!! I had sooooo many excuses for not leaving. I had a low bottom. When they say....let go or be dragged, boy did I found out how true that was!!
I left my now EXAH when I was 50 years old with no job or career prospects, no money and a very small support system. I walked away with nothing. My credit was shot, the economy was bad and I was left with a sizable IRS bill that should of been his. I found out some of my friends weren't really friends after all. I had a few close family members really hurt me too. I felt so alone. To be honest, I was not really that likable either. Along the way, I lost to death a lot of people (father, closest aunt, good friend) and with each loss I was devastated especially when my only sister died unexpectedly in a car accident.
I went to a paralegal for a divorce and asked for nothing. I knew his addiction would come first and I didn't want the fight. I didn't want any emotional or financial ties to him at all. I moved across the country in a old car with just my clothes and no plan. Everything I had worked so hard for was now gone. I was depressed, alone, hurt, angry and losing my faith in God. But along the way, I made some wonderful friends who picked me up when I was really down and helped me see my self worth.again.
I started out waitressing. Here I was - a college graduate, former business owner - back to waitressing at 50 yrs old. I was 50lbs overweight, my self esteem was so low and my coworkers were very mean and toxic. I hated it but I did what I had to do to get back on my feet. I needed to earn some fast cash. I rented a small one bedroom villa and finally got my resume together. I started back in the "business world" as a temp, trying to brush on my computer skills again. Often times, I was working 2 jobs just to make it.
Little by little, my life started to change. I had some great, supportive friends, I refused to date anyone (at first, feeling like I didn't have much to offer anyway), started to find myself again and insisted on living a drama free, peaceful life. I surrounded myself with only healthy people. And I really learned to appreciate the "little" things in life. I continued to work on myself and find out what I enjoyed in life,
Six years later, today, I have a great job, a "newer" paid off car, I bought a townhouse, a little 401k and still have an amazing circle of friends. I rescued a cat during Covid and he is so entertaining and adorable. People from my past that I had felt hurt and disappointed by have reached out to apologize and asked for forgiveness. Over time, I had realized it wasn't all them either and I too have apologized. Today, we are very close again and I am so grateful for that. God is good.
The moral of this story is....if I could do it, so can you!! It was the hardest and most rewarding years of my life. My exah always told me that I couldn't do it on my own and I had started to believe him. I was full of fear and anxiety but kept putting one foot in front of the other, trying to make healthy choices. I used his words to inspire me. Truth is, he couldn't do it on his own and I was so much stronger then either one of us ever knew.
I left my now EXAH when I was 50 years old with no job or career prospects, no money and a very small support system. I walked away with nothing. My credit was shot, the economy was bad and I was left with a sizable IRS bill that should of been his. I found out some of my friends weren't really friends after all. I had a few close family members really hurt me too. I felt so alone. To be honest, I was not really that likable either. Along the way, I lost to death a lot of people (father, closest aunt, good friend) and with each loss I was devastated especially when my only sister died unexpectedly in a car accident.
I went to a paralegal for a divorce and asked for nothing. I knew his addiction would come first and I didn't want the fight. I didn't want any emotional or financial ties to him at all. I moved across the country in a old car with just my clothes and no plan. Everything I had worked so hard for was now gone. I was depressed, alone, hurt, angry and losing my faith in God. But along the way, I made some wonderful friends who picked me up when I was really down and helped me see my self worth.again.
I started out waitressing. Here I was - a college graduate, former business owner - back to waitressing at 50 yrs old. I was 50lbs overweight, my self esteem was so low and my coworkers were very mean and toxic. I hated it but I did what I had to do to get back on my feet. I needed to earn some fast cash. I rented a small one bedroom villa and finally got my resume together. I started back in the "business world" as a temp, trying to brush on my computer skills again. Often times, I was working 2 jobs just to make it.
Little by little, my life started to change. I had some great, supportive friends, I refused to date anyone (at first, feeling like I didn't have much to offer anyway), started to find myself again and insisted on living a drama free, peaceful life. I surrounded myself with only healthy people. And I really learned to appreciate the "little" things in life. I continued to work on myself and find out what I enjoyed in life,
Six years later, today, I have a great job, a "newer" paid off car, I bought a townhouse, a little 401k and still have an amazing circle of friends. I rescued a cat during Covid and he is so entertaining and adorable. People from my past that I had felt hurt and disappointed by have reached out to apologize and asked for forgiveness. Over time, I had realized it wasn't all them either and I too have apologized. Today, we are very close again and I am so grateful for that. God is good.
The moral of this story is....if I could do it, so can you!! It was the hardest and most rewarding years of my life. My exah always told me that I couldn't do it on my own and I had started to believe him. I was full of fear and anxiety but kept putting one foot in front of the other, trying to make healthy choices. I used his words to inspire me. Truth is, he couldn't do it on his own and I was so much stronger then either one of us ever knew.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
LMN, thanks so much for taking the time to stop back here and share your story. That road is long, and the way is dark, but you've shown a shining example of what waits for those who keep putting one foot in front of the other. I think it's especially great that you've had such growth and insight concerning your relationships w/other folks. Courage, faith, desperation, whatever it was that kept you moving, you certainly did the work and are now reaping the joy and peace.
Wishing you all the best moving forward!
Wishing you all the best moving forward!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 51
Thank you for sharing your story, it is so inspiring! I'm 53, trying to find the courage and means to leave my AH. I'm happy to hear that you were able to work towards a better life for yourself 😊
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Thank you all for your kind words. It's been an amazing journey.
Posting and reading here was my first step on my journey. Then I found a really wonderful therapist too. She help keep me out of denial, a place I lived in for a long time. She helped me see the abuse I was experiencing. I knew if I stayed with my exah I would stay on an emotional roller coaster and I couldn't stand the thought of living my life in such chaos and pain. Anything had to better then the life I was living. Deep down, I knew I deserved better. Please know....you do too!! I remember telling my exah that I would rather be alone than lonely. I was so lonely in my marriage. Today, I am alone but not the least bit lonely. I promise you.... there is a much better life out there. Living with an addict of any kind is pure hell. It won't always be easy but it will be the BEST decision you will ever make.
Posting and reading here was my first step on my journey. Then I found a really wonderful therapist too. She help keep me out of denial, a place I lived in for a long time. She helped me see the abuse I was experiencing. I knew if I stayed with my exah I would stay on an emotional roller coaster and I couldn't stand the thought of living my life in such chaos and pain. Anything had to better then the life I was living. Deep down, I knew I deserved better. Please know....you do too!! I remember telling my exah that I would rather be alone than lonely. I was so lonely in my marriage. Today, I am alone but not the least bit lonely. I promise you.... there is a much better life out there. Living with an addict of any kind is pure hell. It won't always be easy but it will be the BEST decision you will ever make.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow 
You can too!! I had sooooo many excuses for not leaving. I had a low bottom. When they say....let go or be dragged, boy did I found out how true that was!!
I left my now EXAH when I was 50 years old with no job or career prospects, no money and a very small support system. I walked away with nothing. My credit was shot, the economy was bad and I was left with a sizable IRS bill that should of been his. I found out some of my friends weren't really friends after all. I had a few close family members really hurt me too. I felt so alone. To be honest, I was not really that likable either. Along the way, I lost to death a lot of people (father, closest aunt, good friend) and with each loss I was devastated especially when my only sister died unexpectedly in a car accident.
I went to a paralegal for a divorce and asked for nothing. I knew his addiction would come first and I didn't want the fight. I didn't want any emotional or financial ties to him at all. I moved across the country in a old car with just my clothes and no plan. Everything I had worked so hard for was now gone. I was depressed, alone, hurt, angry and losing my faith in God. But along the way, I made some wonderful friends who picked me up when I was really down and helped me see my self worth.again.
I started out waitressing. Here I was - a college graduate, former business owner - back to waitressing at 50 yrs old. I was 50lbs overweight, my self esteem was so low and my coworkers were very mean and toxic. I hated it but I did what I had to do to get back on my feet. I needed to earn some fast cash. I rented a small one bedroom villa and finally got my resume together. I started back in the "business world" as a temp, trying to brush on my computer skills again. Often times, I was working 2 jobs just to make it.
Little by little, my life started to change. I had some great, supportive friends, I refused to date anyone (at first, feeling like I didn't have much to offer anyway), started to find myself again and insisted on living a drama free, peaceful life. I surrounded myself with only healthy people. And I really learned to appreciate the "little" things in life. I continued to work on myself and find out what I enjoyed in life,
Six years later, today, I have a great job, a "newer" paid off car, I bought a townhouse, a little 401k and still have an amazing circle of friends. I rescued a cat during Covid and he is so entertaining and adorable. People from my past that I had felt hurt and disappointed by have reached out to apologize and asked for forgiveness. Over time, I had realized it wasn't all them either and I too have apologized. Today, we are very close again and I am so grateful for that. God is good.
The moral of this story is....if I could do it, so can you!! It was the hardest and most rewarding years of my life. My exah always told me that I couldn't do it on my own and I had started to believe him. I was full of fear and anxiety but kept putting one foot in front of the other, trying to make healthy choices. I used his words to inspire me. Truth is, he couldn't do it on his own and I was so much stronger then either one of us ever knew.
I left my now EXAH when I was 50 years old with no job or career prospects, no money and a very small support system. I walked away with nothing. My credit was shot, the economy was bad and I was left with a sizable IRS bill that should of been his. I found out some of my friends weren't really friends after all. I had a few close family members really hurt me too. I felt so alone. To be honest, I was not really that likable either. Along the way, I lost to death a lot of people (father, closest aunt, good friend) and with each loss I was devastated especially when my only sister died unexpectedly in a car accident.
I went to a paralegal for a divorce and asked for nothing. I knew his addiction would come first and I didn't want the fight. I didn't want any emotional or financial ties to him at all. I moved across the country in a old car with just my clothes and no plan. Everything I had worked so hard for was now gone. I was depressed, alone, hurt, angry and losing my faith in God. But along the way, I made some wonderful friends who picked me up when I was really down and helped me see my self worth.again.
I started out waitressing. Here I was - a college graduate, former business owner - back to waitressing at 50 yrs old. I was 50lbs overweight, my self esteem was so low and my coworkers were very mean and toxic. I hated it but I did what I had to do to get back on my feet. I needed to earn some fast cash. I rented a small one bedroom villa and finally got my resume together. I started back in the "business world" as a temp, trying to brush on my computer skills again. Often times, I was working 2 jobs just to make it.
Little by little, my life started to change. I had some great, supportive friends, I refused to date anyone (at first, feeling like I didn't have much to offer anyway), started to find myself again and insisted on living a drama free, peaceful life. I surrounded myself with only healthy people. And I really learned to appreciate the "little" things in life. I continued to work on myself and find out what I enjoyed in life,
Six years later, today, I have a great job, a "newer" paid off car, I bought a townhouse, a little 401k and still have an amazing circle of friends. I rescued a cat during Covid and he is so entertaining and adorable. People from my past that I had felt hurt and disappointed by have reached out to apologize and asked for forgiveness. Over time, I had realized it wasn't all them either and I too have apologized. Today, we are very close again and I am so grateful for that. God is good.
The moral of this story is....if I could do it, so can you!! It was the hardest and most rewarding years of my life. My exah always told me that I couldn't do it on my own and I had started to believe him. I was full of fear and anxiety but kept putting one foot in front of the other, trying to make healthy choices. I used his words to inspire me. Truth is, he couldn't do it on his own and I was so much stronger then either one of us ever knew.
What a great story!!
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