ciowa

Im kind of baffled about my brother who has never expressed any desire to quit drinking despite the problems his drinking is causing in his life.

Ive been in recovery for nearing close to 2 years and I was able to stop when I decided to make a change and go into treatment. It was one of the best decisions I ever made.. I was a binge drinker and even though I never wanted to be permanently sober, I often had big regrets about my drinking and routinely shared with family and friends that I was thinking about stopping. I would also go for long periods of time "drying out" after a really bad hangover or close close with some harsh consequence. Then I would convince myself I could control the drinking and the self destructive cycle would start.

My brother is in a similar cycle except he stops drinking mostly to physically recover and then starts up again. What worries me especially about him is that he never expresses any regret about drinking. Lately when our other siblings have brought up the topic of drinking, he says he doesn't have a problem. We all know that song and dance but in our experience with other people who have either drank themselves to death or stopped, there were little windows of recognition in which the person at the very least said they wanted to stop drinking. They may not have really taken those steps but there was at least a very small desire and recognition.

With our brother, there is no expressed desire at all. Not even lip service. He's had had his job and family for near 10 years but its not clear how much longer any of that will last. From my experience, I know the change has to come from within but I've been thinking maybe we have to accept that he has chosen his own demise and accept that choice he's made. We love him very much but have nothing at all to work with. im just venting on this today. Thank you all for reading

Nd819

Ciowa, maybe admitting he wants to stop would force him to admit he has a problem and perhaps he's not ready to do that yet. I can't imagine that deep down he doesn't feel some shame, maybe he's just trying to save face. Either way, I'm sorry for you and his family, it must be so hard to watch.

velma929

Ciowa - he *still has* his family, his job. He hasn't lost them because of his drinking -yet. So to him, all is fine.

I have to tell you, though, that my late husband was fired from three jobs in six years, and never admitted booze was a problem. It is hard to watch.

SparkleKitty

There is always a chance he will find that desire, but I think it's best to accept that if it happens, it will be on his timeline and there is nothing you can do or say that will make that happen any sooner.

In the meantime you absolutely can set an example of how rewarding a life without binging can be.

ciowa

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences.

We only have one friend who was in a similar situation. She said her ex husband never expressed any desire to quit. She and their 7 yo daughter left him and it took him 3 more years to lose his executive director job, his car, his house and every dollar he had. He took up in a boarding room and was found dead one morning out on the sidewalk from either a fall or his body just quit.

She said he never once admitted that drinking was a problem for him so we are hoping he doesn't go down that path but its definitely something that is possible because others have done it.

Bekindalways

Congrats on managing to quit Ciowa. That is commendable and I hope you reap many rewards for making this effort.

Unfortunately, many people never really want to quit. Apparently is just isn't worth it to them. I hope your brother will come to a point where he wants to quit but until he does, no one can change him nor his right as an adult to drink. This is a sad reality and something that all of us here have struggled to accept in someone we love.