Narcissistic Adidct ex
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Narcissistic Adidct ex
First time posting on here.
To cut a long story short I have recently split up from my addict partner who for the last year has reached the peak of active addiction. He was using every day. Lost his job, lying constantly, stealing for me and others. At the end of January he came to me and said he wanted help or else he would kill himself as he had enough. As I loved him (didn’t like him) I agreed to put him into rehab this was through my employers health insurance fortunately as his parents or I would never have been able to pay for it.
Whilst in rehab he had access to his phone 24/7 which I thought was strange but that was their rules. I felt like I was being personally attacked constantly when I was trying to be there for him. One minute he was talking about the changes he’s making when he gets out and our plans for the future, next day it was that he didn’t think he could be with me as so much had happened in the past. I’m not pointing fingers but he will openly admit I don’t nothing wrong in the relationship all be it I enabled him which I see now. One day I got a call a few days after my gran died telling me that I’m one of the reasons he uses. I had enough and told him just to focus on the rest of his time there and I need to go away and sort the mess he’s left behind. He’s been out for 2 weeks and I have agreed with my therapist that I do the whole no contact. Him being the narcissist that he is has now apparently taken to social media to get my attention. Putting up expensive purchases when he knows he owes me money or inspirational quotes but aimed at me. Now normally I would bite to this and react but I have chosen not to because I just feel it would set me back from letting go and moving on.
I do love him with all my heart but it’s not the life I wish to live anymore and feel stupid for how much he manipulated me through time. I feel like I’m a stranger in my own body as I spent all my time trying to help him which was stupid looking back on it.
My question would be do you think after a while it’s normal to want to contact your ex addict through a letter or email basically just saying what you feel you have to say or is this absolutely pointless? and also is it just best to ignore the seeking attention from me on social media?
Thanks 😊
To cut a long story short I have recently split up from my addict partner who for the last year has reached the peak of active addiction. He was using every day. Lost his job, lying constantly, stealing for me and others. At the end of January he came to me and said he wanted help or else he would kill himself as he had enough. As I loved him (didn’t like him) I agreed to put him into rehab this was through my employers health insurance fortunately as his parents or I would never have been able to pay for it.
Whilst in rehab he had access to his phone 24/7 which I thought was strange but that was their rules. I felt like I was being personally attacked constantly when I was trying to be there for him. One minute he was talking about the changes he’s making when he gets out and our plans for the future, next day it was that he didn’t think he could be with me as so much had happened in the past. I’m not pointing fingers but he will openly admit I don’t nothing wrong in the relationship all be it I enabled him which I see now. One day I got a call a few days after my gran died telling me that I’m one of the reasons he uses. I had enough and told him just to focus on the rest of his time there and I need to go away and sort the mess he’s left behind. He’s been out for 2 weeks and I have agreed with my therapist that I do the whole no contact. Him being the narcissist that he is has now apparently taken to social media to get my attention. Putting up expensive purchases when he knows he owes me money or inspirational quotes but aimed at me. Now normally I would bite to this and react but I have chosen not to because I just feel it would set me back from letting go and moving on.
I do love him with all my heart but it’s not the life I wish to live anymore and feel stupid for how much he manipulated me through time. I feel like I’m a stranger in my own body as I spent all my time trying to help him which was stupid looking back on it.
My question would be do you think after a while it’s normal to want to contact your ex addict through a letter or email basically just saying what you feel you have to say or is this absolutely pointless? and also is it just best to ignore the seeking attention from me on social media?
Thanks 😊
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I think it is a normal thing to want, and it is absolutely pointless. He is showing you who he is. Believe him.
We want the people who hurt us to be the ones who heal us. It's only fair, right? But it does not work that way. Our closure, our healing--that only comes from one place: within ourselves. Any power you think he has to make you feel better about this situation is an illusion. There is nothing you can say to make him see the light. There is nothing you can do to change who he is. You can only accept him for who he is right now (which, I don't think I have to point out, is not a very nice or healthy person), and let go of who you wished he was, or who you wanted him to be.
Yes. Ignore the social media behavior. Block or defriend him if you must. These games do not serve you; only him.
We want the people who hurt us to be the ones who heal us. It's only fair, right? But it does not work that way. Our closure, our healing--that only comes from one place: within ourselves. Any power you think he has to make you feel better about this situation is an illusion. There is nothing you can say to make him see the light. There is nothing you can do to change who he is. You can only accept him for who he is right now (which, I don't think I have to point out, is not a very nice or healthy person), and let go of who you wished he was, or who you wanted him to be.
Yes. Ignore the social media behavior. Block or defriend him if you must. These games do not serve you; only him.
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I’m sorry you’re going through this elou. Absolutely stick with no contact. Block. Don’t respond. Don’t engage. Don’t react. That is what feeds a narcissist. My ex husband is also a narcissist and alcoholic. At the end, no matter what I said it was turned back on me. And he was the one who had an affair and didn’t care that he drives drunk.
I sent some long texts trying to explain how I felt, how he destroyed me, what he did to our family. But I never ever got the response I wanted. No empathy. No remorse. And I expect you won’t either unfortunately. They just really aren’t capable in my experience.
You are far better off getting it all out to a counselor or friend or talk it out to yourself....out loud....telling yourself the truth, the reality....not what he gaslights you into thinking. I did a lot of that for a long time.
Distance and no contact is what helped me heal. I talked to him last week at our sons baseball game in our first “regular” conversation in over two and a half years and I finally felt nothing. I finally see him for who he is. That he hasn’t changed. And that I feel nothing for him. No love. No hate. Nothing. And it felt great. Sad that I feel nothing for a man that I was with for 24 years. But empowering that by going no contact he hasn’t been able to make me feel inferior like he used to.
I wish you luck.
I sent some long texts trying to explain how I felt, how he destroyed me, what he did to our family. But I never ever got the response I wanted. No empathy. No remorse. And I expect you won’t either unfortunately. They just really aren’t capable in my experience.
You are far better off getting it all out to a counselor or friend or talk it out to yourself....out loud....telling yourself the truth, the reality....not what he gaslights you into thinking. I did a lot of that for a long time.
Distance and no contact is what helped me heal. I talked to him last week at our sons baseball game in our first “regular” conversation in over two and a half years and I finally felt nothing. I finally see him for who he is. That he hasn’t changed. And that I feel nothing for him. No love. No hate. Nothing. And it felt great. Sad that I feel nothing for a man that I was with for 24 years. But empowering that by going no contact he hasn’t been able to make me feel inferior like he used to.
I wish you luck.
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Join Date: Nov 2020
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Love the 2 answers above!
Elou, reading your post I recognized myself. Literally so many things matched. My ex AH also manipulated me a looot. And just being far from him for a while I can see, just like you, that it was as if me wasn’t really me. But don’t blame yourself for that, because it’s really hard to realize it in the moment. I like one phrase that explains this very good “Sometimes to see with more clarity you need to move further away, not closer”
Also my X told me that I was his impotence, that in relationship with me he can start using, which is pretty similar to what your A told you that he “uses because of you” - which is a total nonsense!
You surely should not react to anything he does, because that’s what he actually wants - your reaction. But only to feed his ego. In my case, although my X never really posts anything, I unfollowed him on all social media, cuz I didn’t want him to see what I was doing and to feel like he is still “in control” somehow.
No contact is THE BEST decision you can take. It totally normal to want to contact him, but try to resist it, you will thank yourself later!
About saying how you feel though - I did it. I did it when he didn’t want to give me the dog. It was already too much for me. And after everything he has done: cheating with his psychologist, lying, treating my poorly - I just texted him everything I thought of him. I let myself being angry even. I felt better by doing this. I didn’t get any empathy or remorse. I was kinda ready for it. So if you just want to say it to him and you know you don’t expect nothing I’m return, but you think you will feel better - go for it then. Otherwise you probably better do it with your therapist!
Wish you strength and take care of yourself!
Elou, reading your post I recognized myself. Literally so many things matched. My ex AH also manipulated me a looot. And just being far from him for a while I can see, just like you, that it was as if me wasn’t really me. But don’t blame yourself for that, because it’s really hard to realize it in the moment. I like one phrase that explains this very good “Sometimes to see with more clarity you need to move further away, not closer”
Also my X told me that I was his impotence, that in relationship with me he can start using, which is pretty similar to what your A told you that he “uses because of you” - which is a total nonsense!
You surely should not react to anything he does, because that’s what he actually wants - your reaction. But only to feed his ego. In my case, although my X never really posts anything, I unfollowed him on all social media, cuz I didn’t want him to see what I was doing and to feel like he is still “in control” somehow.
No contact is THE BEST decision you can take. It totally normal to want to contact him, but try to resist it, you will thank yourself later!
About saying how you feel though - I did it. I did it when he didn’t want to give me the dog. It was already too much for me. And after everything he has done: cheating with his psychologist, lying, treating my poorly - I just texted him everything I thought of him. I let myself being angry even. I felt better by doing this. I didn’t get any empathy or remorse. I was kinda ready for it. So if you just want to say it to him and you know you don’t expect nothing I’m return, but you think you will feel better - go for it then. Otherwise you probably better do it with your therapist!
Wish you strength and take care of yourself!
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I wrote a lot of letters to my ex while we were in the process of uncoupling. Some I sent, some I didn't. I never got a reply. I kept copies of all of them and from time to time I re-read them and I find that very useful
the last letter I wrote was last month on our 17th wedding anniversary. I thanked him for the good times. We were divorced 4 days later.
I never expected a reply to any of my letters. I wrote them for me more than him I think. I don't think it makes any difference if I send them or not, the process of writing them is what is important.
And yes please block him on social media. You don't need to see that stuff. I don't do social media but when my ex's (now dead) girlfriend posted a load of mad stuff a "well meaning" friend forwarded it to me. I could have quite happily gone on with my life without ever knowing that toxic place even existed.
It doesn't sound like your ex is ready for true recovery. Look after yourself and maybe somewhere down the line things will change and you will get an opportunity to be heard. For the moment, he doesn't want to hear you.
the last letter I wrote was last month on our 17th wedding anniversary. I thanked him for the good times. We were divorced 4 days later.
I never expected a reply to any of my letters. I wrote them for me more than him I think. I don't think it makes any difference if I send them or not, the process of writing them is what is important.
And yes please block him on social media. You don't need to see that stuff. I don't do social media but when my ex's (now dead) girlfriend posted a load of mad stuff a "well meaning" friend forwarded it to me. I could have quite happily gone on with my life without ever knowing that toxic place even existed.
It doesn't sound like your ex is ready for true recovery. Look after yourself and maybe somewhere down the line things will change and you will get an opportunity to be heard. For the moment, he doesn't want to hear you.
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Thank you all for your replies. I will stick to the no contact and write everything I would like to say our and keep it to myself. I have written letters to him in the past and some of them he others he said he thought there where a load of rubbish as he couldn’t expect the truth.
I have blocked him on everything and deactivated my own Facebook. but it’s other people who are letting me know that still have him. I have told them I don’t want to know anymore (even although I do) but it sets me back. I know he will be hating not knowing what I’m up to as he was always paranoid about that but I would rather his not know.
[QUOTE=Mashabo;7601933]Love the 2 answers above!
Mashabo I have read a few of your posts and I found myself recognising myself in them as well. My X manipulated me into the person he wanted me to be I.e someone that needed him and could only live life with him. It’s taken for now for me to sit back and know that he financially couldn’t live without me! I was the working working and paying the bills and supporting us while he had all his money to blow on cocaine.
When he was in rehab he called me to tell me about this traffic light system they use and people are coloured red, amber, green so I asked what I was. He said your green the most of the time and amber when we argue. I had to explain that all our arguments are around his drug taking so that’s his issue. He said his mum and brothers and certain friends are red which means you need to stay away from them but he’s moved back in with his mum. Still in contact with the brothers and friends. Only thing that has changed is me not being there.
i agree that I don’t think he is ready for true recovery but this makes me feel a bit worried as I know how unpredictable he is while on cocaine and the psychosis that goes with it. If he was in active recovery then least I know he’s concentrating on that and not thinking of me.
I would love to sit down with him one day and for him to actually listen to what I felt but knowing him I know he takes no responsibility in life so would not take any responsibility for what he done wrong in this relationship.
I have blocked him on everything and deactivated my own Facebook. but it’s other people who are letting me know that still have him. I have told them I don’t want to know anymore (even although I do) but it sets me back. I know he will be hating not knowing what I’m up to as he was always paranoid about that but I would rather his not know.
[QUOTE=Mashabo;7601933]Love the 2 answers above!
Mashabo I have read a few of your posts and I found myself recognising myself in them as well. My X manipulated me into the person he wanted me to be I.e someone that needed him and could only live life with him. It’s taken for now for me to sit back and know that he financially couldn’t live without me! I was the working working and paying the bills and supporting us while he had all his money to blow on cocaine.
When he was in rehab he called me to tell me about this traffic light system they use and people are coloured red, amber, green so I asked what I was. He said your green the most of the time and amber when we argue. I had to explain that all our arguments are around his drug taking so that’s his issue. He said his mum and brothers and certain friends are red which means you need to stay away from them but he’s moved back in with his mum. Still in contact with the brothers and friends. Only thing that has changed is me not being there.
i agree that I don’t think he is ready for true recovery but this makes me feel a bit worried as I know how unpredictable he is while on cocaine and the psychosis that goes with it. If he was in active recovery then least I know he’s concentrating on that and not thinking of me.
I would love to sit down with him one day and for him to actually listen to what I felt but knowing him I know he takes no responsibility in life so would not take any responsibility for what he done wrong in this relationship.
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Elou, it’s very normal to want to sit with the person we love and tell them how they hurt us. But in your situation, same as in mine they just won’t get it. And if they do, somewhere deep, deep inside, their ego won’t let them to actually tell you what you want to hear. So there will be justification, rationalization, denial and other stuff that will only hurt you. So you are make Ing the best choices for you, which is staying away from him. And I can assure you - it will get better!
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Originally Posted by Mashabo 
Elou, it’s very normal to want to sit with the person we love and tell them how they hurt us. But in your situation, same as in mine they just won’t get it. And if they do, somewhere deep, deep inside, their ego won’t let them to actually tell you what you want to hear. So there will be justification, rationalization, denial and other stuff that will only hurt you. So you are make Ing the best choices for you, which is staying away from him. And I can assure you - it will get better!
Exactly!
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Originally Posted by elou90
When he was in rehab he called me to tell me about this traffic light system they use and people are coloured red, amber, green so I asked what I was. He said your green the most of the time and amber when we argue. I had to explain that all our arguments are around his drug taking so that’s his issue. He said his mum and brothers and certain friends are red which means you need to stay away from them but he’s moved back in with his mum. Still in contact with the brothers and friends. Only thing that has changed is me not being there.
You know, I wouldn't worry about him for one moment or about his psychosis. If you think about it, he was a raging cocaine addict and managed to stroll along just fine, he still will - or he won't - but that is completely in his control. I know it's easy for me to say - oh just don't worry about him! You have been there to pick him up and dust him off until now and you wonder how he is doing. Well, he is either seeking recovery or he's still using, time will tell, but either way, he will get by.
About writing to him, it really is a waste of your time and energy to send it. Writing it for yourself is a good idea I think, get it out there, it might make you feel better (probably will).
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[QUOTE=trailmix;7602196]Hi elou. You know that traffic light system sounds like a good idea - IF you are thinking clearly. In his case the only person he distanced himself from was the "mostly" green light person. So what does that say?
You know, I wouldn't worry about him for one moment or about his psychosis. If you think about it, he was a raging cocaine addict and managed to stroll along just fine, he still will - or he won't - but that is completely in his control. I know it's easy for me to say - oh just don't worry about him! You have been there to pick him up and dust him off until now and you wonder how he is doing. Well, he is either seeking recovery or he's still using, time will tell, but either way, he will get by.
Reading this has been a real lightbulb moment for me and I thank you for that. I have never thought about the whole distancing himself from the “mostly” green thing in his life and you are so right!
He is the type of person just to get by in life by robbing Peter to pay Paul etc. I just keep reminding myself that’s not the life I want to live. I had a 32 year old adult man dependant on me. I am even ashamed to say I payed for his child support for his child which has nothing to do with me because I didn’t want him not seeing him as this would enrage him to go out on a coke binge.
I have thrown myself into self help books, spending time with family and work to move on from this. I know it’s the right thing for me to do and it’s just going to take time to stop missing him
You know, I wouldn't worry about him for one moment or about his psychosis. If you think about it, he was a raging cocaine addict and managed to stroll along just fine, he still will - or he won't - but that is completely in his control. I know it's easy for me to say - oh just don't worry about him! You have been there to pick him up and dust him off until now and you wonder how he is doing. Well, he is either seeking recovery or he's still using, time will tell, but either way, he will get by.
Reading this has been a real lightbulb moment for me and I thank you for that. I have never thought about the whole distancing himself from the “mostly” green thing in his life and you are so right!
He is the type of person just to get by in life by robbing Peter to pay Paul etc. I just keep reminding myself that’s not the life I want to live. I had a 32 year old adult man dependant on me. I am even ashamed to say I payed for his child support for his child which has nothing to do with me because I didn’t want him not seeing him as this would enrage him to go out on a coke binge.
I have thrown myself into self help books, spending time with family and work to move on from this. I know it’s the right thing for me to do and it’s just going to take time to stop missing him
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Your story sounds similar to mine; 30 year old alcoholic and cocaine user. He was always able to turn everything around so that it was my fault in his eyes. I've never used drugs, so it was all new to me. I know I did everything that I was supposed to. I did not enable. I stepped away from a conversation when he was clearly using and enraged. Writing letters to him and not sending them was liberating. I got everything out and went no contact. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. It does take time, and I wonder if he has sought treatment yet, but ultimately, I am the only person that I have to live with the rest of my life, so I have to take care of myself first and foremost.
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Originally Posted by Flynn84
Your story sounds similar to mine; 30 year old alcoholic and cocaine user. He was always able to turn everything around so that it was my fault in his eyes. I've never used drugs, so it was all new to me. I know I did everything that I was supposed to. I did not enable. I stepped away from a conversation when he was clearly using and enraged. Writing letters to him and not sending them was liberating. I got everything out and went no contact. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. It does take time, and I wonder if he has sought treatment yet, but ultimately, I am the only person that I have to live with the rest of my life, so I have to take care of myself first and foremost.
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So he has sent me an email since I have him blocked on everything asking me if I called his employer as he has lost his job due to them finding out he’s an addict. He knows I wouldn’t do anything like this and I know he’s only asking to give him a reason to contact me. From what I hear he is sober and in recovery. He has also said he has a lot of things he wants to say to me and wants to have a conversation. I take this to be he’s doing his 12 steps and this is the make amends stage. Anyone been in this situation and do I allow him to make amends?
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You aren’t under any obligation to hear his amends, if that is even what he has in mind. You don’t owe him anything, and your choice whether or not to meet with him should be based solely on whether or not YOU are able to be around him with zero expectations.
For me, this feels far too quick for it to be anything other than attempted manipulation. If he is really on a path to recovery, he will respect your right to be left alone.
For me, this feels far too quick for it to be anything other than attempted manipulation. If he is really on a path to recovery, he will respect your right to be left alone.
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I take this to be he’s doing his 12 steps and this is the make amends stage.
IIRC, that’s step 9. Do you really think it’s possible he’s that far along?
It doesn’t matter, really. I agree that it’s most likely just a chance to vent, blame shift, and/or manipulate. If you don’t want to deal with that, that’s your right and it’s just fine.
Trust yourself, yes?
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Originally Posted by elou90
So he has sent me an email since I have him blocked on everything asking me if I called his employer as he has lost his job due to them finding out he’s an addict. He knows I wouldn’t do anything like this and I know he’s only asking to give him a reason to contact me. From what I hear he is sober and in recovery. He has also said he has a lot of things he wants to say to me and wants to have a conversation. I take this to be he’s doing his 12 steps and this is the make amends stage. Anyone been in this situation and do I allow him to make amends?
But, even assuming he is sober, being on the amends step and being recovered enough to follow through on that seems incredibly unlikely.
He already lost his job in January, so this isn't even a big story is it?
If someone wants to talk to you in some sincere and heartfelt way, do they open the conversation accusing you of trying to destroy their income?
So why do I point out all these negatives, certainly not to make you feel bad, it's just that, probably, for a very long time, you have been giving him the benefit of the doubt, allowing him to make temporary apologies for what he will then continue to do over and over, so it's not something you aren't used to, but perhaps it would be wise not to do it this time and give him a wide berth, frankly this doesn't sound good for you at all.
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I agree with you all. I did think he’s too soon into his recovery to be on step 9.
I do see this as a way of contact to control me and it will be his way to come across as the nice guy in the hope that I take him back, which will never happen.
I know he’s working the steps as he said in his email that by his employer knowing about his “PAST” issues he sees it as another set back in his recover. The email was very me, me, me!
I think for just now I will ignore his contact as I would give him the chance to make amends in the sake of his recovery but this doesn’t seem to be that as it’s too early. I think this is a case of he’s out of rehab. Staying with him Mum and Dad now, no money and now starting to realise that he’s not living the life he’s accustomed too with me and he’s regretting things.
I do see this as a way of contact to control me and it will be his way to come across as the nice guy in the hope that I take him back, which will never happen.
I know he’s working the steps as he said in his email that by his employer knowing about his “PAST” issues he sees it as another set back in his recover. The email was very me, me, me!
I think for just now I will ignore his contact as I would give him the chance to make amends in the sake of his recovery but this doesn’t seem to be that as it’s too early. I think this is a case of he’s out of rehab. Staying with him Mum and Dad now, no money and now starting to realise that he’s not living the life he’s accustomed too with me and he’s regretting things.
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"So he has sent me an email since I have him blocked on everything asking me if I called his employer as he has lost his job due to them finding out he’s an addict. ...He has also said he has a lot of things he wants to say to me and wants to have a conversation. I take this to be he’s doing his 12 steps and this is the make amends stage. "
Were I to hear this from an ex, my reaction would be, "Back the truck up." It sounds like instead of amends, he wants to let you have it for him losing his job. Did he stop showing up to work because he was in rehab? Is it terribly surprising he doesn't have a job any more?
"He said his mum and brothers and certain friends are red which means you need to stay away from them but he’s moved back in with his mum. Still in contact with the brothers and friends."
A friend of mine used to work in corrections. One day he seemed down and said he was sad about inmates leaving and saying they were never going back to ----town, never hanging out with Y friends. I asked, isn't that a good thing? He said, it misses the point. *Every* town has *that kind* of people living there. It isn't a matter of not seeing your old friends, (though that can factor in). It means things like getting a job instead of hustling people, and getting a hobby that isn't hanging out at a bar at night, and finding some kind of religion or other meaningful-ness in life rather than taking drugs. The *people* aren't the problem. The *choices* are.
Were I to hear this from an ex, my reaction would be, "Back the truck up." It sounds like instead of amends, he wants to let you have it for him losing his job. Did he stop showing up to work because he was in rehab? Is it terribly surprising he doesn't have a job any more?
"He said his mum and brothers and certain friends are red which means you need to stay away from them but he’s moved back in with his mum. Still in contact with the brothers and friends."
A friend of mine used to work in corrections. One day he seemed down and said he was sad about inmates leaving and saying they were never going back to ----town, never hanging out with Y friends. I asked, isn't that a good thing? He said, it misses the point. *Every* town has *that kind* of people living there. It isn't a matter of not seeing your old friends, (though that can factor in). It means things like getting a job instead of hustling people, and getting a hobby that isn't hanging out at a bar at night, and finding some kind of religion or other meaningful-ness in life rather than taking drugs. The *people* aren't the problem. The *choices* are.
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Originally Posted by velma929
"So he has sent me an email since I have him blocked on everything asking me if I called his employer as he has lost his job due to them finding out he’s an addict. ...He has also said he has a lot of things he wants to say to me and wants to have a conversation. I take this to be he’s doing his 12 steps and this is the make amends stage. "
Were I to hear this from an ex, my reaction would be, "Back the truck up." It sounds like instead of amends, he wants to let you have it for him losing his job. Did he stop showing up to work because he was in rehab? Is it terribly surprising he doesn't have a job any more?
"He said his mum and brothers and certain friends are red which means you need to stay away from them but he’s moved back in with his mum. Still in contact with the brothers and friends."
A friend of mine used to work in corrections. One day he seemed down and said he was sad about inmates leaving and saying they were never going back to ----town, never hanging out with Y friends. I asked, isn't that a good thing? He said, it misses the point. *Every* town has *that kind* of people living there. It isn't a matter of not seeing your old friends, (though that can factor in). It means things like getting a job instead of hustling people, and getting a hobby that isn't hanging out at a bar at night, and finding some kind of religion or other meaningful-ness in life rather than taking drugs. The *people* aren't the problem. The *choices* are.
Were I to hear this from an ex, my reaction would be, "Back the truck up." It sounds like instead of amends, he wants to let you have it for him losing his job. Did he stop showing up to work because he was in rehab? Is it terribly surprising he doesn't have a job any more?
"He said his mum and brothers and certain friends are red which means you need to stay away from them but he’s moved back in with his mum. Still in contact with the brothers and friends."
A friend of mine used to work in corrections. One day he seemed down and said he was sad about inmates leaving and saying they were never going back to ----town, never hanging out with Y friends. I asked, isn't that a good thing? He said, it misses the point. *Every* town has *that kind* of people living there. It isn't a matter of not seeing your old friends, (though that can factor in). It means things like getting a job instead of hustling people, and getting a hobby that isn't hanging out at a bar at night, and finding some kind of religion or other meaningful-ness in life rather than taking drugs. The *people* aren't the problem. The *choices* are.
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