ok......I saw my drunk A last night

Old 07-06-2002, 03:35 PM
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ok......I saw my drunk A last night

I saw my drunk husband last night. He just makes me ill.........crying the blues....I love you, I can't live without you, you are my saviour, I really miss you, I can't quit drinking without you, I'm going to end up killing myself if you don't help me....BLAH,BLAH,BLAH.

He really needs to get a life......Does he ever do anything he says he's going to do?.............Ha what a joke. I want him to leave me alone.........I don't know how to get away from him. I try not talking to him, not calling but he's always calling me and leaving screwed up messages.. I just don't know how to break free from him once and for all.

Thanks everyone for the welcome home. Just needed to vent a bit. I'll check back later.

Love,
Galnva
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Old 07-06-2002, 04:10 PM
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Ann
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Galnva

Go ahead and vent - it helps I know. And it is good to let your feelings out. I think we would explode if we had to keep all this inside.

If you really don't want to talk to him, you could change your number or block his out. I know it is hard, but it upsets you every time you do and he isn't changing, is he?

You have so many positive things happening in your life and your recovery. Focus on that and look ahead not back.

It is good to have you back here, and we are all here for you anytime.
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Old 07-06-2002, 08:15 PM
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Change your number....No forwarding address. Tell him you don't care anymore. Unless you still do. It's such a sad illness. I guess there are no easy answers. I am a woman...and to be honest...yes, at one point...I drank too much. But, I never would have put my sobriety in the hands of someone else....as it seems he is doing. It's sad...because I bet he believes what he is saying...but I also bet that he would not listen to a female with the same excuses he gives....

again...

what's up with the gender gap???

Hang in there. I wish I could say it will get easier...I wish I could say to "kick him to the curb". I guess it is as easy to say as it was for friends to say to say to me..."stop drinking". I couldn't until I needed/wanted to. I guess you can't either.... What is the answer?

I don't care if you have an addiction problem(men???) ...however...when you include others in your addiction.....(as he seems to..."i can't live without you"..) that's just manipulation to continue the disease)..and as someone who has the disease....that is just the line I draw....I never asked anyone to help me. I guess I always knew I was the one who needed to help myself. To be honest...I bet there isn't anyone who doesn't realize there is a problem...most are just afraid to admit it.....

It's not ok. So, you do not need to care about him anymore.....he needs to fix it. It is his problem...

Let him go. All the way. If you can. I wish you the best.
 
Old 07-06-2002, 09:03 PM
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Can I realistically change my number? We do have children together, small children. They adore their dad but lately they haven't asked about him and he hasn't bothered himself with them either. He hasn't spoken to or seen them in over three weeks.

It is so hard. How can I let go when he needs me? There I go again......feeling guilty for not being there for him. Is he ever there for me........NO! He tried to make me feel sorry for him about the child support but I don't. I am much stronger and better off when I don't speak to him.

His Mom told him that he would have to move out because she couldn't sit by and watch him kill himself. Maybe that's just another way for him to make me feel sorry for him. See why do I believe what he says. I KNOW most of what comes out of his mouth is lie but yet I still tend to put so much stock in his words.

I used to admire and respect him but I no longer do.
I look at him and feel very sorry for him because he's wasting his life away. I know there isn't anything that I can do for him. He has to do it himself. It's just my nature to want to hold out my hand for someone else.

I had fun tonight with my kids. We baked chocolate cookies and watched Harry Potter. What a fun movie. I like magic, wizards, and stuff like that.

I hope everyone enjoyed their day.

Love,
Galnva
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Old 07-06-2002, 09:25 PM
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I have to give you credit for feeling 'sorry' for him....I can't even begin to feel sorry for my current A.
When my first A spouse left ....finally...my children bloomed. At the time they were 11,14.16 They loved there dad...but they changed into happy oput going children. Theie dad for years made them ashamed, and afraid to have kids at our home.
The irony of it all is that now they are adults and this A husband I have, yep he is number 2, is causing them the same sadness in their lives.
I am going to let go of him.
Think of your kids...think of their future. Think of how stupid I was not to educate MYSELF and marry a second A.
Best of luck to Galvna...I mean that with all my heart
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Old 07-06-2002, 09:29 PM
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Ann
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Galnva

It is hard to let go when we care about them and worry too.

But picture "them" in the darkness of addiction...and "us" in the light of recovery. And we are hanging on to them.

Now we KNOW that we cannot drag them into the light, it just never happens that way, so the alternative is that they drag us into the darkness. It is a no-win tug of war. So we are just sad that they are in the darkness. But they can find the light, in their own time and their own way.

Stay in the light, Galnva, and keep praying.

My heart goes out to you.
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Old 07-07-2002, 05:59 AM
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JT
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Galnva,

When he is saying those thngs he is attempting to manipulate you (as in QUACK!)...his back is against a wall...his Mom is making him move out...so who is he going to go to next? You....

JUST SAY NO to the addict!

If you have a machine you can turn it off and not get the messages...caller ID? You can not pick up. If you do you can calmly say " We are not having this discusion...I have to go" and hang up. Listening to that garbage is going nowhere...#1) It is lies and #2 It only confuses things for you.

Since you do have children, I suppose that you will want to communicate with him all through their lives but you can set the boundaries for what kind of communication that will be.
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