A decision to make
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A decision to make
Today I found out he left the farm and took our dog with him, because his sister was complaining about the dog so he (poor him) couldn’t stand “her attitude” and left with the dog.
Now, that pissed me off. Because I guess now he took A(gonna call my dog like that) to the place of this b i t c h. It just got me. It’s just too much for me. I don’t know if you will get me, but that dog is like a baby for me. That is too selfish of him to take A from the place where I could at least visit him.
Now, I am seriously thinking about sending a complaint about psychologist to the school of psychologists (that’s how the organization called here). I really feel like I want and should do that. It’s probably anger and bitterness I feel inside, but I also think it’s the right thing to do. I also want to text him and let me have a dog for a month, I want to spend some time with him. I don’t know though if he even answer or let me be with A...
What do you think? Would it be wise to send the complaint with all the proofs?
Now, that pissed me off. Because I guess now he took A(gonna call my dog like that) to the place of this b i t c h. It just got me. It’s just too much for me. I don’t know if you will get me, but that dog is like a baby for me. That is too selfish of him to take A from the place where I could at least visit him.
Now, I am seriously thinking about sending a complaint about psychologist to the school of psychologists (that’s how the organization called here). I really feel like I want and should do that. It’s probably anger and bitterness I feel inside, but I also think it’s the right thing to do. I also want to text him and let me have a dog for a month, I want to spend some time with him. I don’t know though if he even answer or let me be with A...
What do you think? Would it be wise to send the complaint with all the proofs?
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Join Date: Jun 2019
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it would feel good would it. not? On the surface, yes, revenge can be a sweet siren song. But I think you likely know that it won't feel good later on. Take the high road. He made his bed. If you are lodging a concern from a place of true regard for the integrity of the profession, then I say have at'er. There are mechanisms for such a thing for a reason. I would say tho, that I am sure they have a sneaky alibi locked and loaded. What is best for you at this point...detaching from these two or getting more involved?
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Join Date: Oct 2019
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Originally Posted by Mashabo 
What do you think? Would it be wise to send the complaint with all the proofs?
You have every right to feel all that you feel- as would I-my dog IS my child. All of those emotions you feel I think are completely justified!
And what the woman did was wrong on many levels and deserves to be appropriately held accountable.
Play the entire hand you were dealt here. Is this going to resolve your issue or fuel the fire? End result-you want visitation with your dog and do not want the dog to be at her house. Getting his new interest called out may create a adverse result for what you really are wanting to accomplish.
Tread carefully, proceed how best suits your best interest and that of your dog not just now but long term.
Originally Posted by woodlandlost
Take the high road. He made his bed. If you are lodging a concern from a place of true regard for the integrity of the profession, then I say have at'er.
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Personally I would have already sent the complaint. However, I would make sure my motives were looking for some type of justice in the matter for a "professional" that has behaved deplorably. I've done this before, I was at a hospital once and was treated horribly by the recovery room nurses and I reported them.
However! I don't have a dog! So sending the complaint might prohibit you from ever seeing your dog again, totally unfair of course, but none of this is really fair right?
What's your gut feeling about sending it?
However! I don't have a dog! So sending the complaint might prohibit you from ever seeing your dog again, totally unfair of course, but none of this is really fair right?
What's your gut feeling about sending it?
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
Posts: 816
I would report her but not right now. I would wait until there was no way
you could be a target of revenge by either one of them. Get the situation with
your fur baby settled, and any thing else that you will need handled.
Then, when things have settled down, send in a complaint if you still
feel the need.
you could be a target of revenge by either one of them. Get the situation with
your fur baby settled, and any thing else that you will need handled.
Then, when things have settled down, send in a complaint if you still
feel the need.
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Hi, guys
Thank you for your replies. The things slightly changed. This morning I couldn’t stand it any longer so I texted him saying that I hope he remembers that I asked him to start the divorce before the 30th and that I would like to spend some time with A since he brought him to the city.
He answered that he is talking to the lawyer now and that this week we will sign the papers, that all this time he was the one who took care of the dog: bought food, etc ( he didn’t think who took care of the dog when he was getting height every day) so he said “the dog will stay with me. When I take him to the farm - you will be able to visit him.” He said A’s health is bad and I can’t see him now. (Which now I see it’s bllsht. He is healthy) He also said how hard it is for him, cuz he has no job and his family doesn’t talk to him (bllsht).
So I said “No” I want to spend time with him in the city and now! I said that btw he owes me like 300$ that I lend him to pay the dealer (stupid me, I know), so I said he could use that money to buy food for the dog if that’s the problem, cuz I guess he was not gonna give it back anyway.
To which he replies “Did I ever charge you rent or food? Or the tickets (he refers to the tickets with which he brought me here to his country. I was freaking shocked to read that) it is disappointing how you treat me now?” Huh?
I literally couldn’t stand his victimization so I said “You know what is disappointing?” And then I sent the picture of two of them kissing. I said “Cut the bllsht now and stop making me the bad one in the story. I want to spend time with my dog before I leave.”
I guess he was shocked to see the picture, but could find anything better to say then “you are insane”. Yea, not you, me 😄 then he said “Our relationship is over long time ago. I don’t understand why you even say that, we are not together long time ago.” And then he said “And you are insane to pay someone to spy on me” 🤦🏽♀️
To which I replied: “If you think coming and saying ‘we divorce’ and then it’s all over and you are not married any longer - it doesn’t work like that. You cheated and lied, you are still a married person.” Then I told him everything I thought about him: that he is coward, cheater, liar, selfish and heartless (maybe it’s harsh, but I didn’t care).
Then he decided to call me, his voice sounded a bit lost though. He asked why can’t I wait and I said I’m done waiting. I’m done playing his rules. I want my dog now. Then he asked me if I’m planning to take A with me, I said “No”. He said “tell me the truth”. And here I told him “Stop protecting you sht on me. Just because you are a liar doesn’t mean I lie. Just because you stub a knife in my back - doesn’t mean I will. I won’t take A with me, he will stay with you. And you can think whatever you want abt me: that I’m insane, crazy, stupid. But I could have done many things like sue you or your gf, but that’s your life and what you do is on your conscience.”
He had nothing to say. Asked me what time I’ll come to pick up the dog. I asked my friend to take me. Went and picked up my A.
I guess he really does live in rehab with A, but dk, cuz the shrink also lives near. Anyway, A is with me for a while, I’m glad I can spend time with him. Now I’m not sure if I’ll put the complaint though.
After I left X went to his moms house to look for marriage certificate to finally do the papers.
Thank you for your replies. The things slightly changed. This morning I couldn’t stand it any longer so I texted him saying that I hope he remembers that I asked him to start the divorce before the 30th and that I would like to spend some time with A since he brought him to the city.
He answered that he is talking to the lawyer now and that this week we will sign the papers, that all this time he was the one who took care of the dog: bought food, etc ( he didn’t think who took care of the dog when he was getting height every day) so he said “the dog will stay with me. When I take him to the farm - you will be able to visit him.” He said A’s health is bad and I can’t see him now. (Which now I see it’s bllsht. He is healthy) He also said how hard it is for him, cuz he has no job and his family doesn’t talk to him (bllsht).
So I said “No” I want to spend time with him in the city and now! I said that btw he owes me like 300$ that I lend him to pay the dealer (stupid me, I know), so I said he could use that money to buy food for the dog if that’s the problem, cuz I guess he was not gonna give it back anyway.
To which he replies “Did I ever charge you rent or food? Or the tickets (he refers to the tickets with which he brought me here to his country. I was freaking shocked to read that) it is disappointing how you treat me now?” Huh?
I literally couldn’t stand his victimization so I said “You know what is disappointing?” And then I sent the picture of two of them kissing. I said “Cut the bllsht now and stop making me the bad one in the story. I want to spend time with my dog before I leave.”
I guess he was shocked to see the picture, but could find anything better to say then “you are insane”. Yea, not you, me 😄 then he said “Our relationship is over long time ago. I don’t understand why you even say that, we are not together long time ago.” And then he said “And you are insane to pay someone to spy on me” 🤦🏽♀️
To which I replied: “If you think coming and saying ‘we divorce’ and then it’s all over and you are not married any longer - it doesn’t work like that. You cheated and lied, you are still a married person.” Then I told him everything I thought about him: that he is coward, cheater, liar, selfish and heartless (maybe it’s harsh, but I didn’t care).
Then he decided to call me, his voice sounded a bit lost though. He asked why can’t I wait and I said I’m done waiting. I’m done playing his rules. I want my dog now. Then he asked me if I’m planning to take A with me, I said “No”. He said “tell me the truth”. And here I told him “Stop protecting you sht on me. Just because you are a liar doesn’t mean I lie. Just because you stub a knife in my back - doesn’t mean I will. I won’t take A with me, he will stay with you. And you can think whatever you want abt me: that I’m insane, crazy, stupid. But I could have done many things like sue you or your gf, but that’s your life and what you do is on your conscience.”
He had nothing to say. Asked me what time I’ll come to pick up the dog. I asked my friend to take me. Went and picked up my A.
I guess he really does live in rehab with A, but dk, cuz the shrink also lives near. Anyway, A is with me for a while, I’m glad I can spend time with him. Now I’m not sure if I’ll put the complaint though.
After I left X went to his moms house to look for marriage certificate to finally do the papers.
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Wow. i'd guess his head is still spinning a bit .....
I think you did an awesome job of speaking your truth.
How are feeling?
Very good to bring a friend & so happy you got to spend time
with fur baby
I think you did an awesome job of speaking your truth.
How are feeling?
Very good to bring a friend & so happy you got to spend time
with fur baby
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Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 162
Originally Posted by mylifeismine
Wow. i'd guess his head is still spinning a bit .....
I think you did an awesome job of speaking your truth.
How are feeling?
Very good to bring a friend & so happy you got to spend time
with fur baby
I think you did an awesome job of speaking your truth.
How are feeling?
Very good to bring a friend & so happy you got to spend time
with fur baby
I feel mixed feelings honestly, on one hand I feel good for telling him everything and showing him strongly I’m not the bad in the story so he can stop victimizing himself (which anyway he won’t stop doing). I’m glad I told him everything I though and liberated that from my chest.
On the other hand my slightly codependent mind felt a bit bad, as if I was doing smth bad or wrong, which I know I wasn’t. His victimization was doing a little job in my mind, cuz I alway had compassion towards him and felt slightly bad. But I stoped myself from that. Cuz I know I can’t be used, I can’t be treated like that and I’m only protecting myself and my rights. I’m only doing what I am suppose to do.
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Btw, after I told him everything I thought, which was also telling him straight that he brought a person to his country, abandoned her, didn’t show even a bit of care, cheated, lied etc. He said “There another side of the story, mine, and is that I saved my life which apparently is only important to me.”
Totally irrelevant answer, as if I am supposed to be grateful that he saved HIS life and did what he did.
Totally irrelevant answer, as if I am supposed to be grateful that he saved HIS life and did what he did.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
I laughed when I saw what he said. I know this isn't funny but what he said is so utterly ridiculous.
Other side of the story? What story? Ridiculous.
Other side of the story? What story? Ridiculous.
No, trailmix, it’s absolutely funny and ridiculous. I couldn’t agree more. My answer to that silly statement was “Yea, you saved your life f**king your psychologist”
Maybe that’s rude, but I don’t even care. Cuz he tries to justify himself in the most ridiculous way that has nothing to do with the situation.
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Hi Mashabo,
Glad you back with you fur baby. I know that is a bit of relief for you. I don't feel like you were harsh or the bad person in the story to him. Everything you said to him was the truth. He knows it, but chooses to believe his own reality. If you had kept any of the things you said in, then he would of kept up the same BS as he has been doing all along. You were strong and overcame your codependency. Hopefully he will follow through with getting the papers together. But be ready for more BS from him.
Glad you back with you fur baby. I know that is a bit of relief for you. I don't feel like you were harsh or the bad person in the story to him. Everything you said to him was the truth. He knows it, but chooses to believe his own reality. If you had kept any of the things you said in, then he would of kept up the same BS as he has been doing all along. You were strong and overcame your codependency. Hopefully he will follow through with getting the papers together. But be ready for more BS from him.
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Originally Posted by ironwill
Hi Mashabo,
Glad you back with you fur baby. I know that is a bit of relief for you. I don't feel like you were harsh or the bad person in the story to him. Everything you said to him was the truth. He knows it, but chooses to believe his own reality. If you had kept any of the things you said in, then he would of kept up the same BS as he has been doing all along. You were strong and overcame your codependency. Hopefully he will follow through with getting the papers together. But be ready for more BS from him.
Glad you back with you fur baby. I know that is a bit of relief for you. I don't feel like you were harsh or the bad person in the story to him. Everything you said to him was the truth. He knows it, but chooses to believe his own reality. If you had kept any of the things you said in, then he would of kept up the same BS as he has been doing all along. You were strong and overcame your codependency. Hopefully he will follow through with getting the papers together. But be ready for more BS from him.
I really had to pull all my strength together.
Actually, yesterday he went to pick up the marriage certificate and today sent me the screenshot of his talk with the lawyer, asking where should we go to sign the papers. So looks like he is doing that. Although I don’t know why now he is rushing so much, considering he didn’t do sht all these 3 months, but I guess now he is afraid I’ll sue him or smth.
I should say I feel kinda bad today, feel emptiness in my chest, slept pretty bad. I know that’s what is best, divorce, but the more I realize it’s happening, the more I get sad.
Probably unconsciously I still kind of believed he may regret and show some remorse for what he has done. But that’s just not gonna happen. I’m trying to prepare myself mentally for the day I’ll need to go and sign those papers, but I know whatever I do I’ll probably won’t be 100% ready.
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He already asked me for all my info to give to the lawyer to make the papers, so I guess he is finally doing it.
Why do I feel so anxious though? I feel so bad. Can’t even explain it.
On one hand I feel like, well, that’s what I should do, and that’s the right thing.
On the other hand i feel like he is such a jerk that all this 3 months haven’t done anything and now running to do the stuff just cuz he, probably, got scared. Or I don’t know.
Feeling what I feel is the worst part. I know we need to feel it, not numb it, live through it and eventually it will go away. But right now it feels like sht...
Why do I feel so anxious though? I feel so bad. Can’t even explain it.
On one hand I feel like, well, that’s what I should do, and that’s the right thing.
On the other hand i feel like he is such a jerk that all this 3 months haven’t done anything and now running to do the stuff just cuz he, probably, got scared. Or I don’t know.
Feeling what I feel is the worst part. I know we need to feel it, not numb it, live through it and eventually it will go away. But right now it feels like sht...
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Join Date: Aug 2019
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Hi Mashabo,
I'm sure your emotions are all over the place right now. Just know you are doing what is right for you. He tried to play mind games with you, like most addicts try and do and you called him out on it. You did the right thing for your sanity and to get things moving along. Know that you did nothing wrong here. Yes, you will have you good days and your bad days when dealing with these feelings. But with time it will fade away and you can start your life anew. keep your chin up and look for things that bring you happiness. Keep being strong.
I'm sure your emotions are all over the place right now. Just know you are doing what is right for you. He tried to play mind games with you, like most addicts try and do and you called him out on it. You did the right thing for your sanity and to get things moving along. Know that you did nothing wrong here. Yes, you will have you good days and your bad days when dealing with these feelings. But with time it will fade away and you can start your life anew. keep your chin up and look for things that bring you happiness. Keep being strong.
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Originally Posted by Mashabo
He already asked me for all my info to give to the lawyer to make the papers, so I guess he is finally doing it.
Why do I feel so anxious though? I feel so bad. Can’t even explain it.
On one hand I feel like, well, that’s what I should do, and that’s the right thing.
On the other hand i feel like he is such a jerk that all this 3 months haven’t done anything and now running to do the stuff just cuz he, probably, got scared. Or I don’t know.
Feeling what I feel is the worst part. I know we need to feel it, not numb it, live through it and eventually it will go away. But right now it feels like sht...
Why do I feel so anxious though? I feel so bad. Can’t even explain it.
On one hand I feel like, well, that’s what I should do, and that’s the right thing.
On the other hand i feel like he is such a jerk that all this 3 months haven’t done anything and now running to do the stuff just cuz he, probably, got scared. Or I don’t know.
Feeling what I feel is the worst part. I know we need to feel it, not numb it, live through it and eventually it will go away. But right now it feels like sht...
It's probably also being in a limbo. Ex has an invasion by body snatchers and his life goes off the rails (draaaaaaging you along with him). He doesn't improve or even see what he has done (which I am sure you hoped he would). Then he is just kind of absent and now he is rushing around doing the divorce papers.
I suspect your standing up with yourself regarding your dog lit a fire under him. He now realizes you are not some wilting flower and you can and will stand up for yourself (this is a good thing).
Yes, feel your feelings as in don't stuff them away, but nothing wrong with taking breaks! Read if you can and like to, watch movies all day, even ones you wouldn't normally watch. When you find your mind wandering back to what's going on, just keep refocusing on what you are doing. It's not an ideal fix, but it can help you to relax a bit.
I like to burn off some of that energy too, if it's too cold or miserable to go for a walk you can clean the kitchen or the oven or do all the dusting (anything you don't hate doing), put on some music and sing while you work. If you can get out for a walk, that's great too.
I know, this won't "fix" anything, but it can help you a bit for now.
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Originally Posted by Mashabo
Why do I feel so anxious though? I feel so bad. Can’t even explain it.
Originally Posted by Mashabo
On one hand I feel like, well, that’s what I should do, and that’s the right thing.
Originally Posted by Mashabo
But right now it feels like sht...
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Thank you, guys for all your support.
I guess it feels the way it feels because yea, I did hope for a slightest acknowledgement of what he has done. And see him hurrying now so fast made me feel bad.
He told me his grandma will prepare the papers as she is a lawyer and he couldn’t find anyone cheap. So all this time he could have done it and didn’t, and now he is running with the fire in his ass.
The other thing that makes me feel said is the thought that I’ll never see my dog again.. for me it’s not just a dog, he was my light in the darkest times. Where I was alone, didn’t speak the language, struggling with ax’s addiction. So now it hurts that I lost everything and even my dog.
I guess it feels the way it feels because yea, I did hope for a slightest acknowledgement of what he has done. And see him hurrying now so fast made me feel bad.
He told me his grandma will prepare the papers as she is a lawyer and he couldn’t find anyone cheap. So all this time he could have done it and didn’t, and now he is running with the fire in his ass.
The other thing that makes me feel said is the thought that I’ll never see my dog again.. for me it’s not just a dog, he was my light in the darkest times. Where I was alone, didn’t speak the language, struggling with ax’s addiction. So now it hurts that I lost everything and even my dog.
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First of all, can you keep the dog? People in active addiction (and yes, he is) aren’t the best pet owners ever. I don’t care what your Ex is saying.
Second, please stay on top of it regarding the divorce. One thing that may be working to your advantage is that the “psychologist” may be bugging him to get the divorce over with. Is his grandmother really an attorney? If so, you might check in with her directly. Just a thought.
Yes, I’m old and cynical. But there have been qualifiers who have lied about having cancer, so lying about divorce proceedings wouldn’t exactly be a surprise.
I’m rooting for you! You’re doing hard things and they suck and yet you’re persisting. Brava.
Second, please stay on top of it regarding the divorce. One thing that may be working to your advantage is that the “psychologist” may be bugging him to get the divorce over with. Is his grandmother really an attorney? If so, you might check in with her directly. Just a thought.
Yes, I’m old and cynical. But there have been qualifiers who have lied about having cancer, so lying about divorce proceedings wouldn’t exactly be a surprise.
I’m rooting for you! You’re doing hard things and they suck and yet you’re persisting. Brava.
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I agree with Aries regarding divorce proceedings, be careful... ESPECIALLY since/if you don't have a full grasp on the language spoken/written where you are. Did you KNOW his grandmother was an attorney or is that a new development?
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