HopeUnending

At his request I booked a short getaway for my AH and I for this weekend. He was a few days sober last week when we did this. My boundry on activities is I don't participate/go if he's drinking, he can't drive so that means he doesn't either usually. He knows the drill. Being a bender drinker usually he doesn't have more than a week of being sober between benders. I tried to prepare myself that this trip may not happen.
Unsurprisingly, I realized he is drinking today, we check in on Friday. I'm obviously disappointed. Our first trip in years, first with our puppy. I can't be certain he won't continue drinking resulting in a missed trip or that he will stop after today.
I'm really learning, working on my detaching from the "crazy" stuff.
Do I just do what I usually do, let it play out, cancel if need be? Or mention the same situation as dinner plans etc. still applies? Since trips such as these are rare.

SparkleKitty

If "he knows the drill," there is no need to mention anything. He is fully informed. Please take care of yourself, maintain your boundaries, and adjust your expectations accordingly.

velma929

A third option would be to take the puppy and go without the AH.

ItsNotYou2

Velma's suggestion is the same thing I was gonna say. Take your puppy!!

HopeUnending

I didn't ask him, but he proclaimed he was going to rest after today so he would be good to go to the trip. Later while looking for a paper I found another unopened fifth. Again not surprised. I've already been preparing myself this could happen.

I love the idea, so unlike me to do too. It would shock him. Unfortunately he was paying for the trip with some extra money he put aside-he pulled the money out today also. He covered his bases.

I'd love to go. I need a break from life. But seems he made sure I'd have to depend on him (by asking for some of the money he took out). I don't want to go to that level with him drunk. He's unpredictable when in this state.

I think I've done ok with not engaging, arguing, or reacting to his choices/behavior. He didn't get me to react-thats a win for me. I'll take the little ones. It is just another reason for me to keep moving forward towards making plans to leave this marriage.

Abandoned80

Well hopefully if he’s trying to control the money, he also calls and cancels what is needed and doesn’t leave that to you to clean up after (a lot of places are charging cancellation fees, etc.)

HopeUnending

Since I booked with my debit card from upfront funds he gave me, I will be able to cancel the hotel. And fortunately I learned from past experiences and booked the hotel at a higher rate allowing cancellation the day of check-in. The rest of the spending money is in his pocket I guess if he hasn't blown it by now.

Abandoned80

I’m glad you planned ahead for that, although it’s disappointing you have to take all that into consideration (I totally relate, btw, and learned in my relationship with my ex Q to plan for last minute changes too). I’m sorry the trip doesn’t seem to be panning out but I hope if you don’t go, you spend the time doing something else nice for yourself and your pup

Bekindalways

Hope, you sound like you are doing spectacularly well for a crap situation. Kudos to you for the boundaries and low expectations.

Let us know how it goes. I wish you could go with the dog by yourself but that doesn't sound practical.

HopeUnending

Just to update... The trip is officially a no-go, hotel is canceled. I rather no plans than trying to endure a trip with him drunk. He finally asked last evening if we were still going. That he would be good by time to go. Which he could have it he stopped by then though would be detoxing, feeling like crap. He's still drinking. The puppy had a appointment at vet before we were to go, so I'll take the puppy to the vet for her shots and to the park maybe or go get a hamburger patty treat.
It's so interesting though, he got into all sorts of shenanigans in the last 3 days, lost his wallet, took in rehab friend that's homeless, jobless(gone now trouble with PO), 2 more falls hurting his ribs, near drug relapse. He tends to do worse things out of guilt(messing up the trip) than the actual thing he's messed up.