Learningnewways

My spouse is 10 days into AA meetings for recovery. He is determined and ready to put an end to his drinking. He is aware he has been extremely lucky with not losing his job, hurting himself or someone else or losing our marriage. Last night he decided he needs to balance life and recovery. Instead of attending meetings every day, he would like to attend AA meetings 3-4 times per week (choosing meetings that last an hour with individuals that have long success, openly share and don't pass sharing time), attend therapy weekly or bi-weekly to explore root causes to his addiction and have time for our marriage 2-3 times a week to adjust to our new lives. I selfishly was delighted to hear his new plan that includes marriage time. We are a very close couple and spend all our time together. We had a daily social life with friends. Being home alone in the evenings and on weekends has been a sad lonely adjustment for me. I realize he is going to meetings where he is receiving acceptance, understanding, support and is able to express himself. I know all these things are essential to his recovery and success. Yet, I resent every time he walks out the door. I know if we do have 2-3 days to look forward to enjoy our new lives together, the times I spend alone will be easier on me and in turn easier on us, because my resentment won't be in the middle of the recovery. I will be able to accept his time gone from the house 4-5 times a week, because we are nurturing us at the same time. Conflicted, I feel selfish and wrong for being delighted by his new balance life plan. I fear am I inviting failure or denying him what he needs by happily saying ok. Have any other couples been successful with balancing recover and marriage time?

FallenAngelina

Relationships have a much higher rate of success when both partners commit to their own recovery. The alcoholic making huge, positive changes is only half of the equation. What is your wellness/recovery program/community?

dandylion

Learningnewways......perhaps, this would be a good time to develop some individual life of your own, that doesn't depend on your husband and his presence.
This can be a great time for your own personal self reflection and self examination.
Even in the best of marriages, our spouse can't and shouldn't be expected to meet all of our needs.

Amaranth

hello LNW
welcome and hope you will find wisdom and support reading around the forum. Now would be a really good time to look at a programme of recovery for yourself. Living with an addict takes its toll and just because your husband has gone into recovery it doesn't mean that all your problems will magically disappear. Rather, a whole load of others will appear such as the resentment and loneliness you mention. And you're only 10 days in!! The programme of Al-Anon offers support to people in your exact position. As the dynamic changes in the relationship, you would also benefit from a programme, for you, focussing on yourself and not on the addict. Have you looked into meetings in your area? There are many online also.

PeacefulWater12

Hello Learning New Ways

Welcome, I would also encourage you to find a program of recovery to help support you. I found Al-anon to a great help, it fits well alongside AA, but there are plenty of other choices. Expand your own life and interests.

As you both work your own recovery, your marriage will change a lot. You will both grow.