birdinthenight

My brother has been an alcoholic for many years. We try to ignore it as a family but it is like a festering sore that never goes away. Each year around this time something occurs, it might be him lashing out at a flatmate or friend online, sending very abusive messages for a perceived slight or my parents getting a phone call from a concerned person during a episode of his anger. He has manipulated us to the point where we cannot talk openly about anything with him and tip toe around him. In the last two years or so his weight has spiked dramatically, he is shakey and sweaty and extremely irritable towards us over minor things. We have been telling ourselves that his weight gain and sweating etc must be due to the antidepressant medication he is on. Underneath I knew it was the alcohol but he has manipulated us into thinking he is ‘stone cold sober’ and attending meetings etc. A few days ago my brother sent me messages reprimanding me for something I had done that day that had displeased him. They were irrational and threatening. I felt shaken up by these as I have a young baby and they were late at night. My mother who is very codependent on him has organised a family holiday before xmas. It was don’t with the best intentions- as a way of bonding as the birth of my son is a big deal for us. My child has become a reason for our family to try to heal but I know that my brother is still in the midst of a very serious addiction that he won’t admit to. After his late night messages I told him that I knew he was using again. He responded with a torrent of abusive messages, blaming me and calling me evil etc. I am not sure what to do, as I do not want to be around my brother, but I feel like I am responsible for hurting our family by not agreeing to attend the family holiday. Please help

suki44883

Welcome to SR, birdinthenight. I am sorry you are dealing with this. I'm sure it's very upsetting, but in my mind, your first priority is the welfare of your son and yourself. You are not responsible for the feelings of your family. If they are willing to allow your brother, in spite of his addiction and abusive treatment toward you, to be included in this family holiday, that is their right, but you do not have to be a part of it. It would be nice if they understood where you are coming from, but if they don't, you still need to do what you feel is best for you and your child. (((HUGS)))