Realizations
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 75
Realizations
I’m realizing that my thinking/logic has been is distorted and far from reality. I’m realizing that I have a tendency to use, control, and walk on people. I’m selfish... I never really thought of myself as being a selfish person.
The most recent ahah moment was making amends to a friend of mine. I didn’t even talk to my sponsor about this particular one because I didn’t see it as that big of a deal. Turns out that what I did was bad enough that she doesn’t want to speak anymore. What I did was shady but I didn’t expect that reaction.
can anyone relate?
The most recent ahah moment was making amends to a friend of mine. I didn’t even talk to my sponsor about this particular one because I didn’t see it as that big of a deal. Turns out that what I did was bad enough that she doesn’t want to speak anymore. What I did was shady but I didn’t expect that reaction.
can anyone relate?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi fishing dude I think most of us can relate to having hurt somebody but not really realising how much we hurt them.
It’s one of the most painful part of recovery. The best thing we can do, having made amends best we can, is to make sure that we never hurt anyone in that same way again.
D
It’s one of the most painful part of recovery. The best thing we can do, having made amends best we can, is to make sure that we never hurt anyone in that same way again.
D
Free.
Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Saskatchewan.
Posts: 2,972
Yes, FishingDue, I can relate.
I’m not admittedly selfish, but self-centered.
I have self-centered fear, self-centered motivations, self-centered ego.
I really need to work on being more open and considerate of others, it is not in my nature. I think it never has been. At 5 or 6 I tore my older sister’s comic in half,I think being jealous that she got so much enjoyment out of it, while I had a comic book too, but was not able to read much at the time.
”An egomaniac with an inferiority complex” was an apt description of me while an active alcoholic.
I do think myself kind, and, as you said: never thought of myself as selfish, but gee....I am in several ways.
I guess we learn and grow as we continue to do the work it takes to remain sober.
Count this as a win.
I’m not admittedly selfish, but self-centered.
I have self-centered fear, self-centered motivations, self-centered ego.
I really need to work on being more open and considerate of others, it is not in my nature. I think it never has been. At 5 or 6 I tore my older sister’s comic in half,I think being jealous that she got so much enjoyment out of it, while I had a comic book too, but was not able to read much at the time.
”An egomaniac with an inferiority complex” was an apt description of me while an active alcoholic.
I do think myself kind, and, as you said: never thought of myself as selfish, but gee....I am in several ways.
I guess we learn and grow as we continue to do the work it takes to remain sober.
Count this as a win.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Hi Fishing Dude
Im going through therapy as I give up the bottle, certainly plenty to be learned there. I am enjoying it and yes, some of my behaviours and patterns are horrible. Control is a major issue for me, when I don't have it I can behave terribly.
For me it's important to keep things in perspective, to avoid depressing, stressing or beating myself up. I aim to practice the same level of understanding and forgiveness for my own behaviour that comes naturally and easily for how I feel for other peoples. Ironically that's part of giving up control - I don't have to be perfect and can live with my own imperfections.
I am also kind, have a great work ethic and can cook a very good roast dinner. I'm Grateful for those traits and skills 👍
Im going through therapy as I give up the bottle, certainly plenty to be learned there. I am enjoying it and yes, some of my behaviours and patterns are horrible. Control is a major issue for me, when I don't have it I can behave terribly.
For me it's important to keep things in perspective, to avoid depressing, stressing or beating myself up. I aim to practice the same level of understanding and forgiveness for my own behaviour that comes naturally and easily for how I feel for other peoples. Ironically that's part of giving up control - I don't have to be perfect and can live with my own imperfections.
I am also kind, have a great work ethic and can cook a very good roast dinner. I'm Grateful for those traits and skills 👍
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 464
Originally Posted by FishingDude30 
I’m realizing that my thinking/logic has been is distorted and far from reality. I’m realizing that I have a tendency to use, control, and walk on people. I’m selfish... I never really thought of myself as being a selfish person.
The most recent ahah moment was making amends to a friend of mine. I didn’t even talk to my sponsor about this particular one because I didn’t see it as that big of a deal. Turns out that what I did was bad enough that she doesn’t want to speak anymore. What I did was shady but I didn’t expect that reaction.
can anyone relate?
The most recent ahah moment was making amends to a friend of mine. I didn’t even talk to my sponsor about this particular one because I didn’t see it as that big of a deal. Turns out that what I did was bad enough that she doesn’t want to speak anymore. What I did was shady but I didn’t expect that reaction.
can anyone relate?
It's often the other folks, though, that hold the cards. Maybe we've burned a bridge or two during drunken escapades that will never be rebuilt. So, we do the best we can and move on. I think it's important that we all try to do better and be better.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
Once I started taking a look at myself I didn't like what I saw. It's a difficult thing to admit being the bad guys at times. Somewhere in my recovery I had this moment that I understood that my true self was something that could never be added to or subtracted from. I wasn't my actions. I wasn't my failures or my wins. I believe that to be true for every one. You see that you have behaved in a way you don't like and it hurt people. You can change those and also use that experience to forgive someone that has hurt you. Some people will never get the chance to realize this about themselves and adjust.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,954
Thinking/logic/emotions/behaviors can all be distorted not only by intoxication but also by all the maladaptive behavior learned from drinking.
CBT therapy focuses on how to effect positive changes in your thinking and behavior now.
I made my amends only to find being told to: "get well or get lost". Not what I expected! I moved on to letting-go of the things that are holding me back from wellness. All that "stinking thinking" and bad behaviors have to go.
You can heal but, from my experience I takes a plan to execute diligently.
CBT therapy focuses on how to effect positive changes in your thinking and behavior now.
I made my amends only to find being told to: "get well or get lost". Not what I expected! I moved on to letting-go of the things that are holding me back from wellness. All that "stinking thinking" and bad behaviors have to go.
You can heal but, from my experience I takes a plan to execute diligently.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
