Watermelon10

I'm a mum to an 8 year old and 16 year old, I had a binge drinking problem at weekends and I cannot forgive myself, I am in bed everyday and just get up to pick my daughter up, I feel I've ruined their childhood and I cant go back, the grief is too much to bare, I've read about forgiveness but none if it helps, I feel physically sick everyday with grief and shame can anyone help me, I cant carry on xx

Astro

Welcome to SR Watermelon, I hope you can find your way into recovery and discover the peace that can come with sobriety.

I found my way here in '06, at that time I had been sober for 1.5 years in the program of AA. My kids were 9 & 11, they are adults now and we have relationships that I didn't dream were possible. Forgiveness can be a reality but there's a lot of work that may come with it, we can be gentle on ourselves while we work our way through the process of recovery and becoming the new, sober people we were meant to be.

How about staying here awhile? You may find reading and sharing to be comforting and hopeful.

Watermelon10

Thank you I will keep reading and hope it helps xxx

Zencat

Welcome to SR Watermelon

I found 'letting-go' of my hurtful past was easier than to 'forgiving myself' of the harm I caused others and the harm I did to myself. I had to make positive changes in my behavior and my thinking or suffer in my illness until an early death.

Stick around SR and make it pay
Blessed be always

nez

The way I dealt with my guilt over my past was by changing my behavior in the present. I built my self esteem up by doing estimable things and only looked back to remember why I was moving forward to a better future.

Anna

Forgiving yourself is so very hard, but it's essential if you want to recover from alcoholism. Unfortunately alcohol often causes us to make bad decisions in our lives and to hurt the people we love the most. Of course, we can never go back and change things. All we can do is to make every day count as we move forward in our journey. Do the best you can do today and you will begin to feel a bit better. And, I found that forgiving myself was not a one-time and done thing. It was a process I had to go through.

Sober45

Hi and welcome I have an 18 year old and just reached 10 months sober. I can relate to how you feel. I still have some guilt but the strides we have made since I stopped drinking is unbelievable. You can still create a new past. with just 10 months behind me I can look back in time and feel good about my actions. You could be in a completely new place and more positive frame of mind a year from now if you stay sober. It’s not easy but if you cut the cord completely and make a plan it’s not so bad. Time heals.

Dee74

Welcome watermelon - how are things now?

D

PuckLuck

Hi Watermelon,

The BS I have done under the influence would either make you go bald or turn your hair pure white. I guess the only thing to do is to try to be a better person moving forward. That's what I tell myself.

At least we know we aren't true sociopaths or else we wouldn't give a damn. So there's that.