CrossingOver

Been drinking regularly for probably 17 years now. Started in my early 20's now closing in on 40. Was never a drinker in my teens. I went to a few parties, but if I drank it was only Pucker and beer. Super lightweight. Turned 21 and started drinking more just because I could but never got wasted. Then all of a sudden 9/11 happened, my gf broke up with me and I started going to the bar alone. Here I am today, married to a wonderful woman and we have a blast together. We bike, hike, travel, but I cant seem to kick alcohol out of my life. Quit smoking no problem though.

What is it that keeps me hooked?

EndGameNYC

There is nothing about alcohol that kept me "hooked." It had nothing to do with other people. It wasn't about anything going on in my life or the direction my life was going.

Billymacintosh

Addiction and nothing else, an addictive voice in one's head will always create reasons to drink, for me alcohol was like someone dangling a carrot or promising me something it would never deliver, perhaps that 'promise' contributed to keeping me hooked.
It's a false prophet
Wishing you the best
Love Billy x

Dee74

welcome

I don't know about anyone else but I got addicted - the list of things I could only do with a drink in hand got longer and longer....
Fortunately I found you can put the drink down and reclaim your life - if you're willing to embrace change

D

CrossingOver

I guess when I look back on it, i started drinking to help me sleep. I've always been a night owl but when stuff started to get heavy, I couldnt shake the negative thoughts and it would keep me up all night. I tried everything from melatonin to sound machines but the only thing that works is booze. It would be the perfect drug if it wasnt so dangerous.

Nowadays I "sleep" but its more like passing out. I've cut back a lot so every morning is groggy rather than a hangover but it's every day and im addicted. Hopefully i can find some inspiration here in the forums and kick this once and for all!

BackandScared

Most obviously: it is an addictive substance. It is a propriety of alcohol to get you hooked. The same with nicotine or opioids. If you drink long enough and enough quantity you will get hooked, physically and in all your habits. It interferes with your brain and every other functioning of your body. Withdrawal can kill you because of how the body changes due to alcohol.

You know all this and probably wonder why you could kick other substance (smoking) and not this one. There is a bit of mystery with drugs and addiction. In my generation, everybody tried smoking but not everybody got hooked or not at the same level. Almost everybody drinks, not everybody develops a problem with it. The same way almost everybody is exposed to pain killers without getting addicted, even after trying the strongest varieties such as morphine after a surgery.

However, you don't get addicted if you don't consume it long enough and hard enough. The addiction is developed by the qualities of the substance itself. To me quitting smoking was as hard or more than quitting alcohol. The only thing that makes it easier is the social aspect. Smoking is not well regarded anywhere by anyone. At most, some tolerate it.

In my experience, I needed to accept I could not drink again. Using an analogy of sobermummy (a blog I followed) a cucumber may never turned into a pickle, but once a pickle always a pickle. There is no reverting from there. Once I admitted to my pickle status and gave up any cucumber aspirations, it all became much easier.

BackandScared

As for the sleep: I had the exact problem too. However, alcohol was only making my sleep even worse at the end, with the 3 am horrors, promising never ever to drink again, massive anxiety getting worse by the minute and merging drunkenness' and hangovers/withdrawals.
I have not drank for 16 months now. My insomnia has been horrible at times. It always was, but I have never ever experienced the kind of anxiety I used to by the time I quit drinking. I am not a good sleeper, I don't sleep more than 5 hours in a normal day, many times less. This is who I am; it is annoying but much better that the nightmare I was in.

Anna

Welcome. I started drinking in order to sleep, too. I had no idea how quickly I would believe that I couldn't sleep or live without alcohol. Alcohol hooks you however it can and it leads to believe you must have it in order to survive. It's not true though and you can survive and thrive without alcohol. I hope you join us.

SoberInCLE

For a long time I thought drinking was just temporary until I figured out my self - like one day I will know what to do with my life. Then one day turned into 44. I consciously quit in the middle of a bad depression when I was finally able to see the damage and lost opportunities alcohol had caused. The feeling of waiting to discover my self went away with the alcohol.

Vincent484

For me it made me feel alive when I went out with friends. Then I would have to drink because the hangover was so bad.

Bunker

Pure unadulterated escapism. No more, no less. Easy way to blow away the mundane. And then it blows away everything.

tursiops999

In my opinion, addiction is a feature, not a bug, of drinking alcohol, because alcohol is addictive. I thought I drank because I was depressed and frustrated, but after I quit it became clear it was the other way around. People get sober despite having difficult life circumstances, and some people stay drunk despite having every advantage in life. It's because alcohol is addictive. Remove the alcohol and I've removed the problem -- the addiction problem. Then I was free to solve whatever other problems remained and enjoy the good things in my life.

nez

That was me.

I drank because I wanted to change life. For me, the big surprise was when I changed my life by not drinking. As it turned out, I didn't need to change life, just myself.

I found my perfect solution, in not looking for anything to change life.

All I ever really wanted was to be comfortable in my own skin and I kept trying external solutions to an internal issue. I have finally found what I was looking for and the funny thing is... it was there all along.

Be123

Hi crossingover.

all I can say to encourage you is...sober sleep is the best! Going to sleep sober and dropping off; waking up without sweats, sore mouth, bruises, hangover - it is still so sweet.

It took me a while to sleep properly when I gave up, but at almost nine months sleep is the one of the biggest reasons I won't go back.

(Along with food - don't get me started on rediscovering that pleasure!!)

Derringer

Put it this way.

I played football 🏈 for years and I was good.

After a game and we win, I get player of the day, no alcohol, I sit quietly in my seat, mumble a few acknowledgements to those who say anything about the game etc.

But, put alcohol in me, I'm leading the celebrations, literally dancing on the tables and singing a song.

From introvert to extrovert in 3 drinks.

​​​​​i felt like I was really part of life when I drank.

People think it's all about escapism but it wasn't the case for me.

I had nothing to escape. I had things I was missing out on and alcohol enabled me to participate.

StartAnew68

The fact I lifted a glass to my mouth, drank, enjoyed it, had more ettc.

If I tried to claim an event caused it, that would just be an excuse.

2muchpain

At first, I drank to relax and fit in. Now it's basically due to boredom and too much time on my hands. It's a habit. Fortunately I also have a few healthy habits that help me from drinking a lot. John

Wastinglife

I love the escape. My mind slows down. I am able to live in the moment without worry. I feel content and the hopelessness disappears for a few hours.

FiveTries

This but I also have things to escape so it was nice to kill two birds with one stone.

Ultimately it is addiction which I've experienced with other things as well. It's proven a tough one to kick because I enjoyed everything about it the anticipation, the smell, the taste, the feeling... The social aspect is a huge one for me. I claim to be an introvert but I am downright antisocial when sober.

But there's no turning off the waterfall once it gets going. So it's gotta stay turned off.

Scott2295

I owned a business for 25 years that was really stressful and I started fairly quickly to drink to cope with the stress in an obviously unhealthy way. My alcohol use just grew and grew. I moved from wine to vodka because it got me loaded quicker. I sold the business about 7 years ago but just didn’t stop using. My mother-in-law passed away in Sept 2018 and my wife didn’t handle it well and I had to handle all the estate affairs including cleaning out a house with 60 years of stuff and then selling it. That’s when my drinking really accelerated. It lasted until January 3rd when I hit the bottom and was sick for 3 days. I have been working on stopping since and its been up and down. I had a great 4 month run this winter and spring but came back to it. I am now on Day 2 after a 2 week binge and really want this time to be the last time I have a Day 1 ever.