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Day 2 Doubts

Old 12-05-2004, 06:46 AM
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I am at two with nature
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Angry Day 2 Doubts

I woke up this morning at 7:45 AM. Wow. I didn't even know the world existed at 7:45 AM on a Sunday. I usually don't wake up until it is almost noon and that is only because my mouth is like a desert and the pounding in my head has finally become too much to sleep through. I have 28 hours of sobriety right now. Although I felt really strong and euphoric all day yesterday, the inevitable crash is happening as I type this.

I woke up and could feel that every muscle in my body was as tight as a drum. I still feel that way. I have to keep reminding myself to unclench my jaw. I cannot relax no matter how many different breathing techniques I try and I cannot stop thinking about the fact that I can never have a drink again. Never. Never. Never. It just sounds so dreadfully final. When I was lying in bed, I caught myself thinking that if I can make it to my parents' Christmas party without a drink, then I deserve a glass of wine. Lucky for me, my mother never drank and my father only has a glass of scotch on special occassions, so the temptation won't be so great. I hate scotch. I am afraid of myself when I start to think like this. I know that I can be very persuading and eventually, that drinking side of me starts to make sense and wins over the would-be sober side of me. I have a busy day today and I am hoping that the activity will help to calm me down. I don't want to drink.

Last edited by katze; 12-05-2004 at 03:28 PM.
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Old 12-05-2004, 06:53 AM
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ted
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HEY KATZE,I TRY JUST TO THINK OF NOT DRINKING TODAY.
IT'S VERY OVERWHELMING WHEN I THINK OF IT AS "FOREVER,NEVER EVER".
DEPENDING ON HOW MUCH YOU DRANK,USE CAUTION DURING THE FIRST DAYS OF DETOXING.
SEEING A DR IS A GOOD IDEA.
PRAYERS ..................ted
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Old 12-05-2004, 07:07 AM
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I am at two with nature
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I guess that I never really thought about how much I drink. I drink a lot, but normally at nights and on the weekends. I have never been a wake up and drink kind of person. (Not that I think my drinking is any more acceptable than someone who is a wake up and drink person! I know that it is not!) Normally, I will drink about a bottle of wine a night when I come home from work. I don't mean the normal size bottles of wine, either. I mean the uber big bottles of wine. If there is liquor in the house, I will drink about 6-10 mixed drinks, usually rum and diet coke. On the weekends, I normally would start drinking either at noon (because that just always seemed like the acceptable time to me) or if my hangover from the previous night was a bad one, I would start to drink later in the day. If my hangover was REALLY bad, I wouldn't drink at all that day, but would be drinking again the following day. I don't go to a regular doctor and my mental health and substance abuse deductible is so high, I don't know if I can dish out all of that money to see someone for my problem. I think that I will be okay, but you're right, I need to just think about getting through the day without a drink. My body feels great because I don't have a hangover. When I feel good, I forget about all of the negative effects that alcohol has on me and then, I start to think that I can handle it again. Has anyone ever heard of the alcohol cessation shot? I have heard about this shot that you can get that makes you vomit every time you smell alcohol. It sounds like it could be so helpful, but it also sounds like it could be really crippling. I should be strong and do this on my own. Shouldn't I?
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Old 12-05-2004, 07:16 AM
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ted
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I TRIED TO GO IT ALONE FOR A LONG TIME,THE ALCOHOL ALWAYS WON OUT.
I GO TO AA FOR HELP.PEOPLE JUST LIKE ME THAT FOUND A WAY TO LIVE W/O DRINKING.
IT'S WORTH A TRY.
LOTS OF WATER AND JUICE CAN BE HELPFUL,A MULTI-VITIMIN TOO.
STICK AROUND YOU CAN FIND ALOT OF SUPPORT HERE.

GODSPEED.........ted
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Old 12-05-2004, 07:26 AM
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Hi Katze

Ted is right - just concentrate on today and no, you certainly do NOT have to do this alone.

With me, it was not how much I was drinking, or when I started to drink that was the problem - it was what happens when I start drinking .... that is the problem. If I opened a bottle of anything, I would drink it all and then open another until I passed out (or went to bed if you would like to call it that) Once I started to drink I could not predict the outcome. Sometimes I would be happy and nice, but towards the end of my drinking 9/10 I would end up hurting myself or others (emotionally & physically) letting myself and others down (not turning up for work, spending all the money, not being where I said I would) etc etc.

My alcohol cessation shot is an AA meeting - it took me a long long time to get there - I tried counsellors, doctors, books, hospital, promises, church, will power, exercise, women, weeks away at a retreat, but the only thing that is working for me today is AA. There are other recovery programs too, but I had to get a program and start "living in the solution and not in the problem"

much love
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Old 12-05-2004, 07:38 AM
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I am at two with nature
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Thanks. I just feel really anxious and jiterry today. It is such a sharp contrast to yesterday when I felt so self-assured and at peace with my decision. Today, I feel like I am reeling from the reality of it all. I can't stop shaking my leg or cracking my fingers. I am so wound up, I feel like I could levitate at this point. All of the bloody coffee I am drinking probably doesn't help at all. I had planned to go to a meeting last night, but I wussed out. I felt like I was having a panic attack and I couldn't do it. I know that I need to. I feel like a moron for wussing out, but I will go. I plan to go to one today. Of course, that is what I said yesterday. I know I need to know and I know that I cannot do it on my own. I need the support of people who have been through what I am going through. I hate this feeling. It is such a beautiful day and I am sitting here brooding over the way I feel. I should be out enjoying myself. Grrrrr. I hate that I allowed myself to get here.
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Old 12-05-2004, 07:41 AM
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Katze, there are many paths to learning live a life without alcohol. I believe no matter what path/s you take. You still got live your life one day at a time. The fact that you dont want a drink now is very empowering. Good luck and keep posting.
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