prettiekittie

Do you ever get that feeling that you're less ****** up than you thought you were? Increasing sober time is sorta planting that seed for me. I'm way less reactive and way less anxious (most days--let's be real, I'm in the US and this year has been the most uncomfortable drumroll of all time). I'm not saying there isn't more work to do because obviously there is a reason I have a drinking problem but everything just feels so much more manageable. Not always comfortable but much more do-able, and maybe my inner compass isn't quite as off as I believed. Anyone relate?

dpac414

Absolutely!! A lot of times drinking is a huge contributor to anxiety and depression, since it is a depressant. Once that stuff is out of your system and you learn how to manage your emotions with no chemical buffer, it becomes a lot easer to manage things. Sobriety also teaches us how to deal with emotions as they come, so things seem less terrible because we're actually equipped with the tools to handle them. I still get stressed and upset and angry etc., but I know I can handle whatever comes my way without using alcohol to cope, and it's really empowering.

Like you said there's always work to be done, but it's really awesome that you're feeling good.

Anna

I'm sure your inner compass isn't off at all. I think it's that nasty AV that wants us to believe such things. And, I sure did believe it. I felt like everyone was managing their lives better than I was...but when I stopped drinking, I realized that I was doing an okay job of managing things. I'm glad you're feeling good prettiekittie.

MLD51

I can definitely relate. I really thought I was broken, hopeless person - and one not deserving of good things in life. I know better now. It was the alcohol and the things it had me doing that were the main problem, not the real me. Not that I'm not responsible for my actions while drinking - I accept responsibility for the things I did. BUT I know that was not the authentic me. Underneath all that I'm a good person after all.And I'm not as depressed or sad all day every day like I was while I was at the height of drinking. Yes, there's always work to do - but that's true of everyone, isn't it? My inner compass is ok. I'm finding true north again and it feels good.

Steely

I can relate entirely, prettiekittie.

I still do feel "lesser than" in many ways, but know that were I to drink, it would be confirmed.

Dee74

I found I was much more capable and much less detestable than drinking me thought I was.
Good stuff PK

D

least

Yes!! I discovered that I wasn't as bad a screw-up as I had always thought. And I started to trust myself again, a little at a time.

Thank you for a very positive and thought provoking post.

Derringer

I can definitely relate.

I know right from wrong, good from bad etc

As Robin Williams said about going into a 'blackout' ..... Its your conscience going into witness protection. 😆

BUT without alcohol to unleash that type of behavior, sober me is far less prone to saying or doing something that isn't in alignment with my core sober values.

So yes, because I was drunk rather a lot, I had come to believe that I was perhaps fundamentally a bad person, or broken.

As I've stayed sober my self esteem has rebuilt and it sounds like yours is too 😃

brighterday1234

Absolutely. Recovering makes ones life go from seemingly unmanageable to manageable 🙏

tornrealization

The biggest change was regaining confidence I never thought I had. So if I’m thrown a curveball I know I can tackle it these days. I don’t tend to cling to bad relationships or choices as my only options or live in fear as much. So like others have experienced...anxiety is way down. It’s wonderful. I always knew booze was making me feel like a worse person, I had no idea it was the single biggest reason causing that depression and anxiety. I thought it caused a lil bit and the rest was my authentic me, that is wrong. It was most of it.

boreas

I turned to alcohol as a coping mechanism for so long that I was shocked to discover how much it robbed me of my ability to cope. How ironic that my own behavior was contributing so much to my misery.

Life has taken an unfortunate turn lately, and that’s just how it goes. If I was still drinking, you wouldn’t be able to scrape me off the floor. Sober, I’m coping. I’m not happy, but I am totally ok.
Reading this back shocked me. It is true, and is something I could have never said while drinking. What a gift.
-bora

freedomfries

I always thought if I got sober, that would solve all my problems. But now that I'm sober I'm realizing I may be more broken than I thought . Im having siezures and psychosis completely sober now. I only ever got psychotic under the influence before.

tornrealization

it takes times And your still in the beginning where it’s extremely difficult right now. I’m so very glad to have read your other thread you are getting the help you need. Get through this and it will be rewarding. I was sick and it may have taken a good six months to feel better and it feels like it took me 13 to really be in awe that my confidence was something I do have. I still had very much anxiety and what in the beginning. I’m at 1 year 9 months. I used faith In what many of the sober people said on these boards that things get better to keep me going. I also used what I read to understand it can take some serious time. I’m still looking forward to the five year mark where I hear it’s even better.

DriGuy

I've wondered about this, but not in such a way that I entertain thoughts of drinking responsibly. I don't think it's possible, and more importantly my life is very good, and I rationally cannot think of a reason why drinking could make anything better. But I know from experience how bad drinking can make my life. I can't see an upside. But I only think about this on rare occasions, like when someone brings it up in a forum.

GerandTwine

Hi FF,
You are not at all “more broken”, like all of us, you are a unique complex organism. You’ve quit drinking and non-scrip-drugging and you are still at an appropriate age for being dependent upon your parents. It took me ten more years than you to commit to permanent abstinence. I wish I had done it when you did it.

In any case, it’s like that fable BABM offered in your other thread. What seems like bad luck can definitely play a part in a more positive future outcome, but it doesn’t just have to rely on chance, it can be taken advantage of willfully. You are clearly good at recognizing opportunities around you (just as your Addictive Voice is good at Recognizing drinking/using opportunities around you). Think of what caused you to make your Big Plan; yes, that’s YOU being totally and positively opportunistic about something bad happening. Just that, has changed every single day of the rest of your life forever - For The Better.

Being in the hospital automatically means you are going uphill, not downhill. (And be sure if your doctors are giving you medication for seizures they know you are on Antabuse as they can interact.)

I’m looking forward to when you are discharged.

GT

freedomfries

Thanks GT. You always speak the truth.