Boggle10

Look at your face and just hate that look that smile, that fat puffed fat face looking back at you, I don't know what to say that I have not ready said, I feel the blue rope calling me, I can't even get by 3 days now, never mind 1 day. I need to get this thing out of my head.

stickyone

Stop beating yourself up boggle. Take a couple of deep breaths you will get through this. Is there anyone you can call to talk too. If not keep posting your status. I know the pain of not liking that person in the mirror. Try this go on youtube check out I Am motivation videos. It help me get through my hard times.

SoberInCLE

You may not feel a lot of love for yourself when you are quitting but it is worth it. Numbing those feelings with alcohol is not the solution. Talk to someone if you are not safe.

least

I don't know what the 'blue rope' refers to, but it doesn't sound good.

Get help if you feel hopeless. You CAN do this.

Boggle10

Thank you So much for the reply, ive been here before, I get weeks then days then I'm back to the beginning, I honestly feel like I can't beat this at all, I know it can be done, but for me I'm not so sure

silentrun

Your post makes me sad. I remember those days. Of all the things I've had to learn to forgive, forgiving myself for that was the hardest. Keep trying.

Boggle10

The blue rope is as it sounds, it's when your feeling blue, I do feel like this but I can assure you I won't, I just can't do this to myself much longer,

Dee74

Hi Boggle

Drinking always left me in despair. The last time I sobered up, I was determined to make it the last time. I changed a lot of things in my life, I found support and I used it - I took the option of drinking off the table...for good. It wasn't always easy but it wasn't any harder than trying to manage my drunk life.

Think about what you currently do to stay sober - then think of what you can add to that.

There is a great life waiting for you - there is a life without addiction and a life where you can look yourself in the eyes in the mirror.

There are better days ahead but please do look at this link if you need help today.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ease-read.html
D

stickyone

Relapse is a part of recovery boggle. Not the best part of it but if look at it from a different view. It's when you learn and grow. Everytime you replapsed you got back up. When u get knocked down you got back up. That says alot aswell. You can do this. Just stop down talking yourself. I also practice when I looked in the mirror or bad self talk . I would say to myself would I say those horrible things to my kids . No, no, no.

least

I beg to differ. Relapse is NOT part of recovery, it's part of addiction.

Anna

I don't believe relapse is part of recovery, either. That said, if relapse happens, we need to step up and move on. Take action, add something to your plan, do something nice for yourself.

MythOfSisyphus

I'm sure you quit Boggle10! Everyone is special in their way but not unique in the sense of having less ability to quit. You'll get it, Boggle10!

Hevyn

Boggle - Don't hate that face looking back at you. It is precious. You will have love for yourself again. Stay with us. Let this be the end of your misery. We know you can get free & rise above these bad days.

stickyone

That's true lol. I just heard it from another person in recovery and it helped me. I was trying to help.

Wastinglife

I am mainly a beer drinker, but a lot of it often on a daily basis. Not only will my face be puffy and bloated, but I will see cuts and bruises on occasion. Never quite sure how I attained those. 30 days sober I will look fresh-faced and younger.

Boggle10

Thanks for all your reply's, I went straight to bed last night, just up now, and I'm going to say this is my day 1 again, I really hope it's my last, I know that this is not what I want to be doing for the rest of my life, so if you all don't mind I'm gonna write something on here most days but head is pounding and my skin is so dry, I'm just so grateful to be breathing x

Erica375

Glad to hear you're still here, Boggle. Post as often as you need to.

Gabe1980

Great going Boggle, you can get through this and it does get better. I am sorry you are hurting so much. I know how it feels to look in the mirror and hate yourself but it can be so much better. There are loads of us who have fallen so many times, but we just need that one time to stick and I have seen so many people here achieve that. In it together!

Hevyn

Boggle - We all care & want to know how it's going. You sound fed up with the way things have been going - I think you're ready this time.

Be123

Hi boggle - in answer to your question - YES. I absolutely hated myself for about 10 years. Truly loathed myself - the way I looked, my body, my behaviour, my breath. I didn't want to be alive but kept going as I couldn't bring myself to leave my kids behind.

I don't feel like that anymore. I'm really tired today and actually quite low...but having been sober for a period of 7 months those feelings of self-hatred are going. I feel remorse for the past and am taking responsibly for that, but you will never guess what?

Im actually an ok sort of bloke 😀 (when I am not drinking!!)