Erica375

My poor old back is screaming today. This is nothing new, but some days are (much) worse than others. Today is a bad day and I would love to drink the pain away, if only for a little while.

I know drinking will only cause more pain down the road but I'm so damn tired of this. I'm going to sit here and cry for a while.

biminiblue

Aww.

I had a lot of new pain in early sobriety. I was taking OTC pain meds daily there for a while. It got better. I hope yours does, too. Try eating a good balanced, low added-sugar nutrition plan if you aren't already. Sugar increases inflammation.

Anna

Try ice and heat alternately. It might help offer some relief. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Erica375

Bim, this is nothing new. It is ongoing and permanent disability and it is grinding me down. I've seen countless doctors, been to pain specialists, had so much physical therapy without good results that my health insurance said they will not pay for any more.

I just took my prescribed muscle relaxant so that will, if nothing else, stop the spasms and hopefully knock me out for a while.

Days like this, I hate my body and I hate my life. Really sad because it's a beautiful day outside and all I can do is sit cross-legged (the only way I can sit comfortably) on the couch and cry.

Gratitude is a reach, but I'm trying. I'm grateful I can walk, but sometimes I still wish I'd died during one of the surgeries. I'm not suicidal; just wish the option had been chosen for me by God. I guess She chose another option for me, though, huh? And that makes me angry at Her.

I'm so tired of putting on a brave face and not complaining. I am so tired of being in pain. I had things I was going to do today but now I'm stuck on the couch with ice and a heating pad, again.

Days like this I think, Why bother? Just drink yourself to death and be done with it, be out of pain. But I can't, because of my kids. They're adults but I know they love me and want me around.

I hope tomorrow is better.

biminiblue

I hope it's better too, Erica.

emme99

Hi Erica, I’m sorry you’re in so much pain. I have a lot of pain in my knees and I know how miserable it can be. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you as well x

Steely

Can you go to ER and ask for pain relief? If you cannot move around sounds like the should be compelled to help.

Is insurance refusing to pay because of tighter rules on opioid analgesics, or some other reason? Find it appalling that insurance is refusing to pay.

I'm so very sorry. Back pain can be truly awful.

least

(((Erica))) I'm so sorry you're in such pain. I know how debilitating back pain can be.

stickyone

Hang in there and focus on self care. I feel for you. I also deal with severe pain from arthritis in my entire body. And I know these days of pain makes the world feel like it's a horrible place. But drinking to numb it won't do anything. Today I am working on day 146 opiate free. Everyday has its obstacles for my pain management without pain pills. But every day I don't use is a accomplishment for me in the right direction. I know you said it's a disability but maybe check on your kidneys. I have had acute renal kidney failure and I drive myself to the hospital after finishing a beer and downing some pills. That was more than 10 years ago. Please take of yourself it will get better.

Dee74

I'm sorry Erica I know what its like to live with chronic pain. The AV is full of it tho - alcohol never really helped me, and it bought a whole lot of other problems with it.

take it easy today and I hope tomorrow is better

Erica375

Thank you, everyone! I think today will be better. Slept so much yesterday I was up early this morning.

I didn't drink.

Erica375

Ok, now that I've had coffee, I can put some coherent sentences together.
Bim--I was thinking yesterday I should get back to an anti-inflammatory diet. Too many treats lately. Sigh.
Anna--I will try the ice and heat today. Yesterday I just used a heating pad. I wasn't up to standing long enough to fiddle with ice.
Steely--I had an unpleasant reaction to opiates (unbearable itching) after the surgeries so I'm not keen on taking them again. Insurance didn't want to pay for more physical therapy but that was a few years ago so maybe I could ask again.
Stickyone--I never thought about kidney problems. Does that cause back pain? I had a physical with lab work just last week and everything came back normal except for the usual high cholesterol. Oh, and congrats on the 146 (now 147) days of freedom!
Dee--Yep. The AV lies.
And thank you to Emme and Least for your kindness and concern.
I hope I didn't forget anyone!

Gabe1980

I am sorry you have been in so much pain too. I just wanted you to know I have been thinking about you and sending positive thoughts your way xxx

biminiblue

Erica, yeah, I found myself eating a lot of treats and sugary stuff when I was newly sober and it always increased my pain and affected my mental health in a negative way. But then, I don't have "a" slice of pie, I'll eat the whole thing plus a container of whipped cream in one day.

That will cause anyone problems.

I'm not good at moderating sweets so I have to keep them out of my house.

I'm glad you got some sleep and are feeling even a tiny bit better. Chronic pain is the worst.

stickyone

Hey Erica yes kidney pain is horrible in the back. Our liver takes a beating aswell. But if your lab work came out good then you are okay. I'm glad everything is well with you. And yes diet makes a very big difference. Being addicted to pain medicine but I am also allergic to aspirin, all antiinflammatories medicine. Which led to being only prescribed narcotics. Wow

Dee74

Glad today is at least potentially better Erica

D

Kdon853

Nothing worse than back pain, feel better Erica and don’t listen to your AV when it says F it I might as well drink

Steely

So good to read you are feeling somewhat better Erica.

I have back pain as well and know how awful it can be. I've read that diet and exercise can really help. Also read and experienced the negative impact of alcohol in dealing with pain both physical and mental.

Went to doctor yesterday and am about to embark on new diet and just enrolled in Aquarobics. Well done on not drinking.

You are on the right track Erica. We all are so long as we don't drink no matter what. Onwards.

BornSurvivor

Sorry to hear about your bad day Erica.

You got through it though and I know better days are ahead for both of us!