jakers2020

I regularly question whether I have problems with addiction to alcohol, cannabis, and excessive TV watching. Or perhaps they're just bad habits. How do I determine when bad habits are more than just bad habits and requires extra attention and help?

For the past few years I've tried to cut down on my alcohol and pot intake. But I regularly find myself using them both socially and privately. I notice with alcohol, I regularly focus more on trying to get buzzed & intoxicated compared to just enjoying the beverage. I often find myself picking out my beers or wines based on whatever has the highest ABV, regardless of whether it tastes the best.

I've also been using pot regularly for the past 3-4 years, usually 3-7 nights a week. For a long time, I kept my pot use a secret from my spouse. I still regularly avoid telling him when I'm high, but instead have learned how to act sober even when stoned. And more recently I've found myself sneaking drinks, even going so far as filling my dark Kombucha glass bottles with red wine so I can drink without him noticing.

The fact that I'm keeping things a secret seems like a problem. But I often question whether it is a problem when I still haven't faced any severe negative repercussions. It hasn't negatively affected any of my relationships, my day job, or my physical health (perhaps very minor health impact). For the past year, my marriage is better than it's ever been and even my job is going great. My spouse is very happy with me. My boss and colleagues are happy with me. So can I really have a problem with intoxicants when things continue going well

And yet I find myself trying to numb myself far more than feels healthy. This pandemic and our fairly strict home quarantine has exacerbated things some. Even though my life isn't falling apart due to using pot, booze, and TV as forms of mental escape, I'm still feeling concerned by the fact that most days I'm taking steps to numb my mind and avoid things that stress and scare me.

When is it time to get help, especially when there are no outward signs of my life falling apart, but only signs of my life continuing to regularly improve? Is it ok to regularly use pot (being high 3-6 hours in the evenings 3-7 nights per week, and 2-5 drinks 3-6 nights per week, and often 3-6 hours of mind-numbing TV every day)?

I'm looking for some perspective, as I haven't been able to talk about this with my spouse, friends, or family. I'll appreciate any feedback I can get from the kind folks here.

nez

This is probably going to come across as snarky, but I just don't know how to ask it any differently. Do you think the time and effort you spent on your post would indicate that deep inside you already know the answers to your questions but that you just don't like the answers?

biminiblue

None of us started out with problems due to alcohol or pot in the beginning.

Just know that it is progressive, and will require more and more of the substance(s) to get the effect, and that when you do cross the line into physical dependence it just happens. No warning.

There are a lot of health and mental health consequences that don't show up until the damage is already done.

My suggestion is to stop using alcohol and pot for a year. See how that goes, and you will have your answer.

jakers2020

Yes, something is off. But I've always assumed that substance use is only an addiction or problem if it's resulting in obvious negative repercussion in my life, noticeable both to me and to those around me. I've often though that if I were ever to attend a 12 step group I would be laughed out of the place since my problems may not seem nearly as significant as others who are dealing with addiction.

nez

Seats in 12 step meetings are not just for the best of the worst. Meetings aren't a competition Meetings are about help. Over the years I have been to a lot of 12 step meetings. I have been to AA meetings. I have been to NA meetings. I have been to meetings in different cities, states, and even countries. In my experience, people at meetings might laugh with me, but never at me.

treeguy24

You can have a problem / addiction without there being immediate noticeable negative effects. Or something you might not perceive as being negative but actually is.

Regarding the TV, in the age of Coronavirus and everything that’s going on it can be a great activity to just relax and not have to think. I would be more concerned about the drug and alcohol use.

The question is, can you stop and take a break from it without having intense urges / cravings to use, etc.? If you have a hard time taking time off, that could be an indicator that you have developed some kind of dependence on the drug / alcohol.

doggonecarl

Quit for 6 months. If you struggle, you'll be closer to the answer. If you find yourself looking for reasons why you are struggling--or fail to quit--and those reasons don't include addiction--then you are closer to the answer.

MaximusD

Jakers, there are many signs that you have a problem with alcohol. One of those signs is that it is affecting your daily life/relationships/work. There are many others. When I have taken those "tests" they list like 10 things and if you pick like 2 of them you might have a problem. What you were saying would have been one of those things. My point is, it is affecting you in many other ways and maybe just hasn't gotten as bad yet as it has for others. Most of us really need to bottom out to find enough motivation to finally quit. Don't wait for that to happen. AA'ers wouldn't laugh you out just like we won't because we recognize that you do in fact have an issue with it but you have been lucky that it hasn't affected your life as much yet. Rest assured, it will if you don't quit.

Dee74

Hi Jakers

if you're hiding your behavior, your actions show you feel something 'wrong' about it.

I was a secret drinker for a lot of years - that was I drank openly in social occasions but no one saw me continue the party afterwards, alone.

A lot of folks here were like me. It doesn't have to be noticed by other people to be a problem.

​​​​​​​D

Wastinglife

I loved nothing more than spending an entire weekend alone in my apartment binge-watching a TV show as I binge-drank vodka. Although, I often would have to later re-watch episodes because I was too drunk to remember the plot.

It's all escapism really. I just didn't want to deal with life.

Anna

I'm glad that you reached out and I hope you continue to read and post here:

The fact that you're keeping secrets from your spouse speaks volumes. You don't think there is any effect on your relationship at this point, yet you seem to know it would be a problem if your spouse knew what you were doing.

Ringside

The outward signs of your life falling apart will come, sooner or later. You could wait for that to get help if you need further convincing, but you certainly don't have to.

Verdantia

Welcome, Jakers. Alcohol abuse is a progressive illness and it takes years to get to a place where it has a profound effect on one's life. It's good that you are here and asking questions before things get bad--keeping secrets in a relationship is never a good idea. I used to keep my life together very well--I had a responsible customer service job at a stationery company and played music at a professional level 5 nights a week, but I started drinking after 15 years of sobriety, and it didn't take long for everything to go to hell-- I always went for the highest ABV beers as well--I cared about the buzz more than the taste. I suggest you continue to question your consumption of alcohol and pot, and why you feel you need to lie to your spouse about it. Wishing you all the best.

noneever

If you’re questioning your use, then you know deep down it is a problem. You don’t have to be destitute and on the streets for it to be considered an addiction or dependence.

Patcha

Has your use of alcohol and pot increased or stayed the same over the last year, 2 years, 5 years, 10 years?

25 years ago I was an occasional binge drinker. 15 years ago I was a daily heavy drinker. 10 years ago I realised I was an alcoholic. If you have a problem with alcohol and pot it's highly likely that your use has increased over time, which points to increased use in the future. I don't know about pot so I can't comment on that, but your alcohol consumption is already in the danger zone.

On average, 100ml of wine is 1 unit of alcohol.

One 750ml bottle of 13% AVB wine is 10 units of alcohol.

So less than 1.5 bottles a week is still more than is recommended for women.

Saying you drink 2-5 drinks in a sitting isn't much use - you might have a glass that holds half a bottle!

Track your use for a while. Then try and quit or moderate and see how that goes for you.

LarryF

Having problems with your boss/job. Having problems with your husband/relationships are biproducts of addiction. They will come if you continue.

Addiction or not, this quote below is a problem
You are using drugs, Alcohol and Marijuana, to control feelings and emotions you don't like. That's not healthy. Numbing negative feelings that cause stress and scare you is not a solution. When you are sober or not high, whatever is causing those feelings is still there. It will not go away by using and numbing in order to avoid.

This in it self is a problem. It is the very thing that many if not most of us with addiction issues do. I know that is why I started in the first place and my boss and wife loved me......in the begining. Recovery is learning to deal with these feelings in a healthy manner that does not require the use of numbing with drugs or alcohol. To understand what it is that is causing you to feel stress and be scared and then why this is happening is where you will find healing and inner peace. Personally I have found most of it is in my head. My mind makes things appear worse then they are. Most of it is not real. It's better to stay clean and walk straight through it. The sooner you do the better.

Numbing feelings is control. Control is a major feature of addictive thinking. Attempting to control is not accepting life as it really is. It takes a lot of energy that could be spent on living a healthy life.

Take care of yourself. Don't measure yourself on anything outside of you.