Addiction
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
Addiction
I'm no expert. Just a guy with 31 months or so of sobriety under his belt. But it struck me recently that it's such an interesting word & concept...addiction. These aren't new thoughts really... I've had this 'sense' about some of these ideas I'm going to share for a long time...just haven't really been able to articulate it. Still probably awkward in finding the right words to express what I'm feeling about it all underneath...but it seems lately I've been able to formulate a few. Likely not original thoughts either...
In my job - going on 20+ years - I do a lot of personal development, organizational assessment, consultation on process improvement and re-structuring, etc. etc.. To even get to a place that I have the chops to do so has required me to turn my assessment to myself quite often - to dig and try to understand my motives, how my psyche works, etc.. Probably the reason that even when I was at the peak of the self-destruction in my life deep down I knew it wasn't who I really was or wanted to be.
Anywho, that's all a different subject. To keep things reasonably brief I'll just try to put two ideas out there because I think they are related - even if I don't really understand how yet.
First, I think that when the word 'addiction' becomes cliche and overused or when it is limited via some other means to the context of chemical & substance abuse... well... I think that's only a marginal slice of a very big pie. I suspect the truth is that 'addiction' - from a very mechanical/ biochemistry sense - is a mechanisms that's evolved in us that serves a great number of purposes. Action, dopamine or some other hormonal rush payoff, rinse and repeat. This works great if you get 'addicted' to something not so destructive. In fact, I've come to believe that to reach the very pinnacle of whatever you are working on - career, sport, mindfulness, etc.. - likely requires a skewed investment into that practice that follows many of the exact same patterns and mechanisms that becoming seriously 'addicted' to booze & drugs do. It's just that what you are 'addicted' to isn't actively destroying you or others - the scale or trade off of what you blind yourself to as a result of almost obsessive commitment isn't nearly as devastating (though being 'addicted' to becoming the best you can be at something can and does often come with trade offs and a price.)
Further...I think it goes way beyond what we're consciously aware of. (Duh... I know right?) But an area I'm becoming more and more aware and interested in are the addictive patterns in our thinking. Which leads me to idea #2.
When I think about thinking. When I observe my own thoughts. As I've been doing so I come to two ways of classifying my beliefs and thinking about things - myself and the world around me. First... there are three types information - there are the things I know, there are the things I know I don't know, and there are the things I don't know that I don't know. It's that last bit that makes obsessive thinking, addictive thinking, and the act of presumption or assumption so dangerous. And it goes a couple of ways.... I assume I understand why I do what I do... until I start reading Carl Jung and realize that so many of the thoughts I formulate aren't really originating from an authentic 'me', but rather in response to wordless emotions coming out of my subconscious shadow. For so long I may perceive and even buy into the story I've been telling myself, only to realize it starts to look completely different once I start learning that there's a whole host of things about the way I think that I simply never knew before. It's kind of like how ancient civilizations developed stories and 'myths' about things like the sun rising and setting. There are things about the world that we often need an explanation for - even if we have really no idea of what's really going on beneath the surface, and especially if we have no idea that we have no idea of what's really going on beneath the surface. Yet, we are often able to formulate concepts and models and belief systems - about things, ourselves, others - that seem quite functional. Predictions that come true. "See, I told you so!" All that said, I guess what I'm learning is how incredibly important it is to stay humble. Not for any kind of spiritual or religious idealistic reason (though perhaps there's value in that) but if for no other reason than the practical reality that most of us - myself included - don't really know ****. And more dangerous than that, most of us, probably all of us, probably aren't even aware of just how little we really know. And that's risky. It's dangerous. It can waste a life if we aren't careful. Making that presumption that you can never change, or that the deck is too stacked against you, or that you are capable of managing something that you aren't. The list is quite long.
There are a number of other thoughts I have on this vine. But for brevity sake I think I'll stop here. What triggered this most recent observation & line of thinking - to the point I felt value in sharing it - are observations I've been having of late when working with younger, relatively inexperienced folks who, at their core are pretty darned decent people across the board. Yet, some of them are going to make it and frankly some of them are going to struggle mightily. Some of them I'd pick to be on my team in a heartbeat regardless of their experience and some of them I'd avoid like the plague. As I've been thinking about what that differentiator is I can only really come up with the ideas of critical thinking ability, openness, humility, intuitiveness and eagerness to learn. Likely all descriptors or slightly different flavors of some common underlying value or world view they have. As for the ones who will struggle, what I observe is uncannily similar to addictive behavior - even if they aren't chemical abusers. They get addicted to their egos, their insecurities, on their insistence for recognition. They get addicted to something that drives a certain bit of irrationality. They get addicted to the certainty that what they think they know is all there is - and they double down to the point of irrationality, probably out of fear of what happens when you expose yourself to a friend or a team member that what you once thought about things wasn't really useful after all. An inability to say things like "hm, I don't really know the answer to that" or "hm, let's stop for a second and look at this from a different perspective."
I dunno, hard to describe. What's my point? I don't really know that either. Bring your own I guess. Maybe.... 'beware of getting too invested, too addicted to your own beliefs about things.'
Just be aware that addiction and it's patterns of behavior is a lot bigger than just booze or drugs. What most of us here have demonstrated is some level of recognition that getting clean is the only chance we have to deal with the other stuff in a way that doesn't destroy us. Just be aware that as you get some sober days under your belt you may realize there are patterns of behavior that you have or have created that seems to make sobriety really hard. It's ok. That's part of the deal. And just like the coping mechanism of drugs and alcohol and the sinister way it made you feel like a monster and isolated, you aren't alone in what comes after either. So keep it simple. Stay clean. Stay humble. Let go.
Out of words. Didn't really go the way I thought it would. Still fishing around in my mind I guess...
-B
In my job - going on 20+ years - I do a lot of personal development, organizational assessment, consultation on process improvement and re-structuring, etc. etc.. To even get to a place that I have the chops to do so has required me to turn my assessment to myself quite often - to dig and try to understand my motives, how my psyche works, etc.. Probably the reason that even when I was at the peak of the self-destruction in my life deep down I knew it wasn't who I really was or wanted to be.
Anywho, that's all a different subject. To keep things reasonably brief I'll just try to put two ideas out there because I think they are related - even if I don't really understand how yet.
First, I think that when the word 'addiction' becomes cliche and overused or when it is limited via some other means to the context of chemical & substance abuse... well... I think that's only a marginal slice of a very big pie. I suspect the truth is that 'addiction' - from a very mechanical/ biochemistry sense - is a mechanisms that's evolved in us that serves a great number of purposes. Action, dopamine or some other hormonal rush payoff, rinse and repeat. This works great if you get 'addicted' to something not so destructive. In fact, I've come to believe that to reach the very pinnacle of whatever you are working on - career, sport, mindfulness, etc.. - likely requires a skewed investment into that practice that follows many of the exact same patterns and mechanisms that becoming seriously 'addicted' to booze & drugs do. It's just that what you are 'addicted' to isn't actively destroying you or others - the scale or trade off of what you blind yourself to as a result of almost obsessive commitment isn't nearly as devastating (though being 'addicted' to becoming the best you can be at something can and does often come with trade offs and a price.)
Further...I think it goes way beyond what we're consciously aware of. (Duh... I know right?) But an area I'm becoming more and more aware and interested in are the addictive patterns in our thinking. Which leads me to idea #2.
When I think about thinking. When I observe my own thoughts. As I've been doing so I come to two ways of classifying my beliefs and thinking about things - myself and the world around me. First... there are three types information - there are the things I know, there are the things I know I don't know, and there are the things I don't know that I don't know. It's that last bit that makes obsessive thinking, addictive thinking, and the act of presumption or assumption so dangerous. And it goes a couple of ways.... I assume I understand why I do what I do... until I start reading Carl Jung and realize that so many of the thoughts I formulate aren't really originating from an authentic 'me', but rather in response to wordless emotions coming out of my subconscious shadow. For so long I may perceive and even buy into the story I've been telling myself, only to realize it starts to look completely different once I start learning that there's a whole host of things about the way I think that I simply never knew before. It's kind of like how ancient civilizations developed stories and 'myths' about things like the sun rising and setting. There are things about the world that we often need an explanation for - even if we have really no idea of what's really going on beneath the surface, and especially if we have no idea that we have no idea of what's really going on beneath the surface. Yet, we are often able to formulate concepts and models and belief systems - about things, ourselves, others - that seem quite functional. Predictions that come true. "See, I told you so!" All that said, I guess what I'm learning is how incredibly important it is to stay humble. Not for any kind of spiritual or religious idealistic reason (though perhaps there's value in that) but if for no other reason than the practical reality that most of us - myself included - don't really know ****. And more dangerous than that, most of us, probably all of us, probably aren't even aware of just how little we really know. And that's risky. It's dangerous. It can waste a life if we aren't careful. Making that presumption that you can never change, or that the deck is too stacked against you, or that you are capable of managing something that you aren't. The list is quite long.
There are a number of other thoughts I have on this vine. But for brevity sake I think I'll stop here. What triggered this most recent observation & line of thinking - to the point I felt value in sharing it - are observations I've been having of late when working with younger, relatively inexperienced folks who, at their core are pretty darned decent people across the board. Yet, some of them are going to make it and frankly some of them are going to struggle mightily. Some of them I'd pick to be on my team in a heartbeat regardless of their experience and some of them I'd avoid like the plague. As I've been thinking about what that differentiator is I can only really come up with the ideas of critical thinking ability, openness, humility, intuitiveness and eagerness to learn. Likely all descriptors or slightly different flavors of some common underlying value or world view they have. As for the ones who will struggle, what I observe is uncannily similar to addictive behavior - even if they aren't chemical abusers. They get addicted to their egos, their insecurities, on their insistence for recognition. They get addicted to something that drives a certain bit of irrationality. They get addicted to the certainty that what they think they know is all there is - and they double down to the point of irrationality, probably out of fear of what happens when you expose yourself to a friend or a team member that what you once thought about things wasn't really useful after all. An inability to say things like "hm, I don't really know the answer to that" or "hm, let's stop for a second and look at this from a different perspective."
I dunno, hard to describe. What's my point? I don't really know that either. Bring your own I guess. Maybe.... 'beware of getting too invested, too addicted to your own beliefs about things.'
Just be aware that addiction and it's patterns of behavior is a lot bigger than just booze or drugs. What most of us here have demonstrated is some level of recognition that getting clean is the only chance we have to deal with the other stuff in a way that doesn't destroy us. Just be aware that as you get some sober days under your belt you may realize there are patterns of behavior that you have or have created that seems to make sobriety really hard. It's ok. That's part of the deal. And just like the coping mechanism of drugs and alcohol and the sinister way it made you feel like a monster and isolated, you aren't alone in what comes after either. So keep it simple. Stay clean. Stay humble. Let go.
Out of words. Didn't really go the way I thought it would. Still fishing around in my mind I guess...
-B
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Join Date: Jul 2020
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"What's my point? I don't really know that either. Bring your own I guess. Maybe.... 'beware of getting too invested, too addicted to your own beliefs about things."
Objectivity is a big one. This, I think, is where other people come in extremely handy. Because our perception isn't the only one.
Objectivity is a big one. This, I think, is where other people come in extremely handy. Because our perception isn't the only one.
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
Originally Posted by Wastinglife 
Buckley, you probably would have liked me working on your team until I start showing up late with bloodshot eyes or calling in 'sick' on a Monday for the 3rd time that month....
But yea...even today I find I'd rather be around someone struggling with demons than someone who puts a mask on and just tries to keep that whole 'normie' vanilla cookie cutter look at me I'm just like all 6 billion other people everything here is fine type. Honesty and genuineness is a non-negotiable with me - at least, a good faith effort at being so to the best of whatever ability we have to do it. I'm working with a guy right now that openly admits he's an alcoholic. We talk about things as honestly as we know how to do. We trade stories. I don't act like there weren't a few stories from my fast lane days that aren't funny as hell or frankly some aspects of it all that I miss (always quick to point out the illusion of most of those, and he is too interestingly enough. Pretty sure he gets it.) I accept him for exactly who he is and don't offer 'advice' unless he asks me for it. It's a weird relationship tbh. I think he shares things about his alcoholism with me because he respects and is curious about my sobriety.
I can definitely see the impact on his performance - it stunts his growth in certain areas. But the areas he is experienced in he's very very good.
When I think back on my own situation & relationship with drugs and alcohol I see it as the coping mechanism I was using. I feel like I perform at a very high level and have found (not just with me) that those types who really stand out pay a price. It's not easy being different and it's not easy holding a very high standard for yourself and the people around you. None of that has changed for me, I've just started finding other means to cope that aren't as destructive. Still don't have the answer really... seriously considering taking a 'mini-retirement' next year for 6 months or so to gauge whether or not I think any of it is really worth it. At least I know that it's not worth sacrificing my sobriety over. Quite secure in that.
I wonder how many of us used drugs & alcohol as a means to soothe the pain of the dissonance between who we really wanted to be vs. who we felt the world around us expected us to be. I bet it's a lot.
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Yep, you never know what struggles people are going through behind the facade. Unfortunately, I couldn't keep up a facade for long before things were apparent.
I would often be completely presentable and lucid in the office, but suffering inside.
I would often be completely presentable and lucid in the office, but suffering inside.
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