freedomfries

It's not much but I've been really struggling to string a few days together. Everyone on SR was saying I need rehab.

But I've made it to one week, I've made my big plan of AVRT and I am never going to drink again. I'm confident in my sobriety now because I was told by my mother I said something nasty to my sister while blacked out and that's why she's not speaking to me. That broke my heart and really makes me never want to drink again.

I haven't been drunk since early June because of the antabuse - I have only been relapsing on one or two cans here or there. But now I'm quitting completely.

I know with drinking, if I control it I don't enjoy it and if I enjoy it I can't control it. And I can't risk ever not controlling my drinking and blacking out and being nasty to a loved one again.

Finalcall

I am all too familiar with the waking up wondering what I did wrong and to who. It's strange how alcohol can make us hurt the ones we care about most. It seems this all or nothing approach to drinking are my only options and I'm with you on the never drink again. Fyi day 11 for me.

Phil71els

FF congrats on day 7!

Finalcall congrats on day 11!

Delilah1

Seven days is something to celebrate, great job!

Vinificent

Awesome work done! 7 days and 11 days is definitely something to celebrate! FreedomFries - have you tried talking to your sister? Perhaps she might feel differently if she knew how hard you are working at sobriety?

freedomfries

I only see her when she visits my parents.

I don't really know how to approach the situation. Do I apologize next time I see her or do I wait until I have more sober time under my belt so my apology seems more sincere?

Dee74

I'm glad you have a week up FF.

As for the rehab thing, its obviously irritated you for you to mention it again.

It wasn't a personal slight or a pile on against you or anything, and I hope you realise that.

Everyone just wants to see you well.
If a bit of 'I'll show you guys' helps you, thats fine by me

I'll be the first to congratulate you if/when you stay sober without rehab

D

freedomfries

I understand where you all were coming from with rehab. Drinking hand sanitizer on antabuse is pretty bad. But I had a very bad experience in rehab before and drank as soon as I left, so I really didn't want to go.

After learning a few days ago about what I did blackout drunk, I have no desire to drink again. I'm truly done with it.

Sammy1980

7 days is a great start just stick to it Freedomfries!
You can do this! Try not to contact your sister until you have some sober time because you may not like her reaction. After some sober time she will see that you are very sincere.

Sober45

Congrats on 7 days! The mindset you have now is very similar to the mindset I had (and still have) and here I am...almost 9 months in. You've had a lot of dry time since June. I would look at that as the "warm up" to where you are now.

DriGuy

Keep trying. Understanding and clarity don't happen all at once.

GerandTwine

Hi freedomfries,

There is a trick the Addictive Voice uses to try put a wedge between YOU and your Big Plan. It’s all about the verb tense you use when you reflect upon your past drinking. IT wants you to keep putting it all into the present tense as if you are still a drinker. But you, knowing you will never drink again, can recognize IT and put it all into the past tense. I will do that in your post below in red.

The simple sentence “I used to drink alcohol.” feels very comfortable and appropriate to people who have made their Big Plan. But it feels very odd, scary, and untrue to your AV.

GT

Jim1958

Good job. Just keep going. I was a serial relapse guy, and putting together days was how I started. I would do 5 or 6 days, relapse. Then 4 more, relapse. At times, I thought 30 days was an impossible mountain. But I did make 30 days, and then 60. It has been over 2 years now. You can do it!

freedomfries

Well it's day 8. Finished my first week on college and some of it is going well. I'm missing out on some lectures and labs due to not being registered but hopefully I'll be registered in the next week or so. I haven't have had any AV these last few days. I really think my drinking days are behind me. I'm accepting that drinking simply doesn't agree with me. Looking forward to hitting sober milestones. Hopefully I can repair relationships with people especially my sister and some other siblings.

LarryF

Good luck to you freedomfries. I'm not a fan of rehabs either due to bad experience. Whatever works for is what matters.

biminiblue

I would just add that whether or not my relationships with others were repaired really didn't matter as far as whether I would drink again or not.

Give your sister time. Months, years, however long it takes. I would not push it with her. I would be completely on her timeline. Let her come to you. I truly believe she will, but she'll need to hear from the rest of your friends and family that you have changed and that will take sober Time.

I'm glad you're in school.

freedomfries

Day 9. Feeling confident in my sobriety. No AV to speak of. But I'll be ready when it comes back.

Don't know how to approach things with my sister. Do I apologize next time I see her or do I wait until I have more sober time under my belt?

I'm thinking Christmas might be a good time to apologize. I'll have three months sober and she may be in a more forgiving mood.

freedomfries

I was speaking with my mother and she says I should wait to apologize. So maybe Christmas would be a little early.

biminiblue

FF, truly I would wait until the sister brings it up. If you try to apologize it could start a whole long argument again. It's too soon. Just be the very best sister you can possibly be going forward and don't expect forgiveness. Apologies don't guarantee a positive outcome. She is hurt, don't reopen that wound. The only way to hope for a fix is to stay sober, like everyone here is telling you.

I would think that if you feel a burning need, send a card. Not a text, not an email, a hand-written card by snail mail. Do not mention anything she said or did recently or in the distant past. Just a simple, "I'm sorry I hurt you. I love you." No long explanations. No justifications or explanations. Just a simple gesture. Then do NOT follow that up with anything like a text or email or call asking, "Did you get my card?" Just let that sit. She has to work this out on her own and you can't fix it. She'll either come around on her own or she won't. I'm sure you've said, "I'm sorry," to her before, and there's no reason for her to believe anything you say.

I know there are things in my past that I can't take back and it's painful, but that bell cannot be unrung and the only thing that will help is sober TIME.

biminiblue

I guess I would also add that Christmas is not the time. Don't ruin everyone elses' day by making it about you and your drunken past. This is a personal private matter between you and your sister.

I would stop discussing it with your mom, too. Triangulation is messy and dysfunctional.