Prophet3276

Hello Everyone, My ex-girlfriend Becky after much turmoil and weeks, maybe months of being broke and the fact that she was jailed for a period of time. She has now gone through a week of rehab and a week of meetings at AA which equals out to her 2 weeks of sobriety and she's really proud of herself and i am proud of her too. Because i really am glad that she's really accomplishing this hard to climb mountain because even though i'm not an alcoholic. I know just from witnessing it as a non-drinker/non-smoker that obtaining sobriety is one of the hardest things to do in life especially when you're faced with all these hardships in life with family and friends and relationships. It's like if anything goes wrong on any one of those fronts then there's the possibility that you'll go over the edge and then it's back to scratch again. It's a road that requires alot of caution, care and compassion. And that my friends is something that can only be found in a relationship, of course i've always felt at a crossroad of getting back in a relationship with my ex over the idea that she can't have kids unless it was through a surrogate mother.

I'd much rather have kids through a lady that can have kids. So anyways, i'm proud of her 2 weeks of sobriety, i have her 3 months worth of sobriety tokens from her AA meetings if she happens to get that far i will give them to her. The green the gold and the red, that she will ever so deserve. And beyond that there is much more to it i am sure. But anyways i will let you go, it's nice to be among so many friends who understand where i'm coming from. I hope to hear from you soon,good luck in all you do.


Signed,
Greg

thanx2methodone

She is very lucky to have you to support her through this.
I'm sure that you just being by her side has helped her tremendously, probably more than you know.

Tell her CONGRATS on her two weeks!!! That is a long time for any addict/alcoholic!!!

Please let us know how she is doing in the meantime with her recovery.

We are all rootin' for her!!! She can do this, and with you by her side, it will be that much easier for her...

smoke gets in my eyes

Now that is one of the most interesting viewpoints I have ever read on this forum. And I read everything.

That caution, care and compassion is what addicts go to 12 step groups for. It's found in the group. It's found in families and it's found in friendships. Her recovery doesn't depend on a relationship. As a matter of fact a romantic relationship can complicate a recovery so much that new ones are very much advised against in the first year. Your recovery might depend on you getting a grip on that. If I read you correctly, you're thinking of reviving your relationship (or have already revived it?) with insincere intentions because you think she needs someone to save her. Have you read "Codependent No More" yet? If you martyr yourself in the name of curing her, you are not doing her a favor. You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. That is a tough lesson for us to learn sometimes. We want to help. We think we're helping. But in reality we're just playing a control game.

I apologize if I have misinterpreted what you said, but if you are contemplating playing at a relationship with her that you don't want in the name of her recovery, it can only be a cruel awakening for her later. Be real. For both of you.

I'm glad your friend is beginning to help herself. I hope you will keep helping yourself as well.

Hugs,
Smoke

Prophet3276

Hello Man who is smoke in my eyes all the time, >:O For one thing i can see why i don't come back to these boards it's because everybody except my friends are against me trying to help my ex which i think is dumb of them to think. Of course nobody cares about sobriety so they might as well stick their head in a drink and go suck it for all i care, i have no tolerance for anyone who does not want help or does not want to be helped right now. I cannot have kids with my ex-girlfriend Becky because she has her tubes tied how god d*mn outright and graphic do i have to be for a brain dead person to understand? Obviously very outright,she can't have kids and so i'm looking for another women right now who can if there's anything wrong with that or with helping my ex-girlfriend get out of her addictions even though we can't have kids say so now or forever hold your peace otherwise get out of my face >:O.


Signed,
Greg
My family is bad enough now my friends are acting worse.

Prophet3276

I have zero tolerance for anyone who is against what i am doing in life that is for the better and i will not stand for anyone who cares to argue against my ideals. My parents are the basis of it all they made me who i am today and i will not stand for them or for anyone else who cares to get in my way of making progress so that i can live a fulfilling life if anyone wants to object to what i am doing then they can just get out of my way because i will not tolerate any of their heat. I've had enough of it from my parents and i certainly don't need it anymore. I hope to hear from you soon,good luck in all you do :yelling .


Signed,
Greg

dax

I think there is a danger here, If you get back with her[helping her stay sober] then drop her because she can't have children. This may cause her much hurt. It might even cause her to slip. My opinion only- if this is your agenda, for her good- maybe keep a distance. dax

myselfagain

off dude. However, with what she is going thru you could be sending her MIXED signals. Just make sure SHE knows what your intentions are, that you are only there as a FRIEND.
Cause if you read your posts again its kinda hard to tell what your role is in her life. I don't care if I know what your role is, i got it. It matters that SHE knows what your role is.

Prophet3276

Hello Everyone, I'm going to toss aside any pessmistic opinions i read here as complete garbage but the advice helped thank you and just simply state that i am just friends with Becky and that i am doing everything i can to help her. I wrote in my diary today and that helped me vent alot of stuff off of my chest about my parents that has been bothering me lately. I need to spend more time focusing on myself than i do on others right now because all this reaching out is getting to me that it's twisting my brain in unbelieveable ways. All i know is that i want a fresh start with my love life with a new girlfriend and that i want to help Becky with her sobriety. And i will try to balance both should the day come that i have to balance both at the same time but right now i'm just balancing things with Becky, she's all i've got right now and to be quite honest i'm grateful i have someone like her in my life.

And to be quite frank my mind has been in the gutter lately but i don't mind i actually prefer that instead of spending time watching women pass me by not caring about me at all . So i'm managing quite well right now. I'm going to do some homework i have this class that i need to work for it's a home based class for PCDI (professional career development institute) and i'm working on a program called Visual Basic 6.0.

I have to download all the tutorials from the hard drive to the floppy disks so that i can work on them from my text book and work on the questions and stuff. I really want to start getting on this homework so that i can catch up. I feel that it's really important i work on this class. So anyways i will let you go i have alot of work ahead of me. I hope to hear from you soon,good luck in all you do.


Signed,
Greg
Due to the extensive work in this program i'm almost afraid to find the time to sleep or work on my games anymore because it is such an involved program. Visual Basic 6.0 is an object-oriented/event driven program. Unlike Windows which is the "do it yourself" type of program and just defeats the purpose of actually working on a program because it's all laid out, Visual Basic lets you work on the program to your preferences.

Prophet3276

Hello Everyone, Well i talked to my ex-girlfriend Becky just tonight and i told her that i've been talking on the al-anon boards recently and how i've been advised that her and i should be just friends and she was really mad and cursing at that idea. Our love between eachother is like an unbreakable bond it has always felt that way between us even though we've broken up from eachother the love between us is like an undying love for eachother. And we'll always continue to support one another very strongly, she wishes just as strongly a well lived life for me as i do for her and i truly love her for that. She is the kind of girl that i would never want to let go of because of that.

I know it sounds crazy to alot of you but when you have somebody that you've really poured your heart out onto in a relationship, even though they can't have kids it's still a good idea to pour your heart out onto them. So anyways i don't know what is keeping me feeling well more: my love life with her or my accomplishments with my homework. But nonetheless things are going good around here. I feel that i'm really starting to get the hang of the material i'm being given in this Visual Basic 6.0 class and so i'm just hammering away at it as best i can. I'll get back to it as soon as the basketball game is over. So anyways with that said i will let you go and try to seek some advice on these boards that or create new posts for a fresh start. I hope to hear from you soon,good luck in all you do.


Signed,
Greg
I can hardly type tonight i must be tired even though i'm having my share of caffiene .

Prophet3276

Hello Again, Becky says "if you love me you will wait for me, kids or no kids" And i'll always wait for her, my goal is to help her achieve her sobriety so that she can become sober again. I wish nothing more than for her to be well again. I hope to hear from you soon,good luck in all you do. And you know if some day we're able to do the impossible and have kids then great the more the merrier .


Signed,
Greg

JessicaNAJ

Greg - We all wish nothing more than for our A's to become well again. I think its great that you want to be there to help her, but keep an eye out for that "caretaking" boundary. Remember, you cannot make her do anything she does not want to do. You have to learn tough love and not pick up her broken pieces, and she has to be doing all of this for her.

I wish Becky the best. Look out for you and that homework.