freedomfries

I would have regretted it. I always regret it. I cant even drink much because of the Antabuse so it would just have been two cans. Not even enough to get a buzz. I'd be disappointed to reset my counter and my parents would be disappointed. My sister came over shortly after I would have drank. So instead of making her a cup of tea and having a nice chat with her, I'd be too afraid to leave my room in case she smelt alcohol on me. It feels good to be a responsible sober brother.

I'm so stressed now with college. Classes started on Monday but I haven't been registered to repeat my failed modules yet because there's been a delay in the school approving me to repeat. So I'm missing out on lectures and labs and I'm worried I'm going to fail again even though I'm trying my best to get registered. I'm missing out on so much. I'm praying I can get registered before too long and I don't miss out on too much but it's making my AV perk up. "A few drinks would take the edge off".

It's day 5 right now. I need to stay sober. I'm missing nothing not drinking. Maybe there was once a time I could enjoy a reasonable amount of pints with company. Bit drinking cans by myself as soon as the liquor store opens has never been fun. I don't want to go back to that. I'm taking Antabuse because I know I need to not drink.

soberclover

Good on you for stayig strong. It does get easier. I used to hate it when people said that but now I know that it is true. Each time you turn a drink away, you become stronger. It becomes a habit over time. Drinking NEVER worked out for me no matter how much I wanted to believe that I could control it. It's much more rewarding to feel proud of yourself vs. the shame of drinking.

Nonsensical

Good work.
It would have been wonderfully convenient if the temptation to drink dissolved as soon as I realized alcohol was destroying my life. Unfortunately, that is not the nature of addiction.
I knew alcohol was killing me, but I wanted to drink it anyway. A situation I found 'nonsensical'.

Just like anything you want to get good at, sobriety requires practice.
Keep at it.
It gets easier, but it takes a while.
You can do this!

freedomfries

I was talking to my mother about the nice chat I had with my sister and I brought up one of my other sisters who isn't speaking to me.

My mother said the reason she's not speaking to me is because I said something nasty to her when. I was blacked out. I have no idea what I said but it must have been pretty bad. I say things I don't mean at all when I'm in that state. Now I'm worried she'll never forgive me. This has motivated me to reaffirm my big plan to never drink again. Losing my relationship with my sister has been my biggest regret from my drinking and it makes me feel terrible to know I said something to hurt her feelings so badly.

Dropsie

I lost my relationship with my eldest daughter for a while.

Give it time, you will earn her trust. AS LONG AS YOU DONT DRINK.

Recalling the bad things I did to her when drinking helps keep me sober. I cannot undo what is done, but drinking again would disrespect her and our relationship.

Give her time.

Sober45

Wow, FF. This looks like major progress to me.

You're doing the best you can do. In regards to school, keep the effort going but remember whatever happens was meant to happen....I'm one of those who believes everything happens for a reason. We have to trust in ourselves and the future.

As you gain sober time, the path forward will be clearer and you'll know what actions to take as far as your sister goes. For now, stay sober because that's the very best thing you can do for yourself and for her.

picabo

Great job thinking it all the way through freedomfries.

Gabe1980

Well done FF, making the right choices isn't easy but they all add up to a better life

tornrealization

Hi FreedomFries,

I'm glad you didn't take those two beers today. I have been reading on some of your threads. I've done the whole college thing while drinking to the point that I was on academic probation and needed my boss at work to write me a letter to assist on getting me back in. It was due to drinking that I made some really dumb - blow off a big project, or skip a midterm and be in trouble choices. Mind you I was in my mid 30s working full time so it was more embarrassing cause I couldn't toss it up to youthful mistakes. So anyways I dealt with it and made sure the probation thing was sorted out before going back to class. I mean college really can wait -and with Covid, costs and remote learning delaying even 1 semester while you address alcohol issues isn't going to derail your entire goals or chances. Employers I've worked with usually just tick a box that you finished - not how long it took.

Keep up the good work of not drinking. I wish you the best.

Wastinglife

I am estranged from my brother for 10 years now because of a blackout incident where I wrestled him to the ground and called him some names. I understand your regret. Although, my brother kinda deserved it. Not with physical force though, so I feel bad about that. Spent the night in jail.

Dee74

I'm glad you resisted FF,.
congrats on 5 days

D

Steely

Well done Freedomfries. You're sounding committed, and you will not regret it.