ANJ

HI i`m anj

Please help me, i don`t know where to go i`m still drinking, but not so much, i have been to the AA which was great but I don`t feel they understood, because it`s great that your sober for 1mth to 25 yrs but what about me!!
my problem is psychological, I NEED TO DRINK ! I know i have a major problem, but reading that I`m not on my own helps.

I have had a real problem with my childhood, but i`m happily married now with kids, I need to stop drinking but i don`t know how.

Please someone advise me on how to control my addictive personality.
Thankyou for being there.

anj

katze

I don't know if I can help you because I have absolutely no sobriety right now. I am only on my first day of sobriety right now, but this is the fourth time I have tried it. I would constantly get myself to the point where I thought that I had it under control and that I was not drinking much. I was still drinking every day, though with maybe a break here and there for about a day. However, a severe drunken episode was always inevitable. I just realized this morning that I have drank every single night for the past two weeks. I didn't really notice it as I was doing it. I recognized the trend this time before it progressed to one of my long persistent drinking binges. I have also tried AA, but I never really gave it a chance to work. I would go and think that I was not as bad off as they were and therefore, didn't have a problem like they did. I couldn't identify with them and didn't think that they identified with me, but I was just being very full of myself and stupid. I am going back and this time, I am going to really take it seriously. I started posting earlier today and have been going back and forth from reading and posting in here to reading the Big Book online. It has kept me busy and even though I have been focusing on my problem, which of course concerns alcohol, I haven't wanted to drink. Of course, I am paying the piper for what I did last night right now, but I still think that keeping busy can be helpful!

Hang in there and good luck to you!

kckman

Anj, you can stop drinking. You say you need to drink as if your life depended on it. Alocohol is not an essential ingrediant to support ones life on. I am sure that you can quit but you got to stop picking it up and drinking it down. I am pretty sure you will not die if you stop drinking a moment at a time for 1 day. If you do have any serious withdrawl symtoms you can check into the ER for medical help. Keep posting I know there are many people here to offer their support.
good luck.

Hadenuff

Welcome ANJ, you too katze
keep hanging around here. If I could stop drinking you can stop. You can do it. Keep reading, posting, get to know people here.

H

Ama

(((ANJ))))

Get inspiration from ((((Katz )))) (Day 1) - that is where EVERYONE starts - I am a mere Day 6 - see how lovely caring and generous in spirit the people on this site are - read and read and write posts.

YOU have made a first step - you know you cannot stop drinking aka ALCOHOLIC. I know it sounds horrible. But if you can accept that, then you have a chance. If you can admit that you are NOT a normal drinker. You are drinking at the moment. God love you as I was this time last week. In the land of Hopelessness and Oblivion. Normal drinkers do not EVER have this problem. Today is one of my blackest in so so long but I am sober. That is the only positive I can claim for today. Well that is not true on reflection because SR and the wonderful people here have been my other gift for today.

It would be a good idea to go to an AA meeting. The only requirement to attending one is that you have a DESIRE to stop. You dont actually have to have stopped. Would you consider getting some AA into your head and opening your eyes even if dazed to the possibility of living life beyond your wildest dreams in the complete absence of alcohol. Can you open your mind to the concept of a life sooo much better and only because you dont drink and remain in the bountiful land of recovery. You are experiencing the famine at the moment and AA will feed your soul as will SR!!!! Hope this makes sense but I am only 6 days you see. Dear ANJ - NOW is the beginning of the rest of your life.....go and get it and I wish you every good wish for sobriety - This is a wish I send to us all. May an angel light your way to future fulfillment and happiness and illuminate us all..... Luvs and Recovery Ama

ANJ

thanks guys for your support, believe me i want to stop drinking, but to me it`s so hard, it hurts. tommorrow is the day I will focus on my problem, 1 day at a time

thanks luv anj

Chy

Hi Anj!
I wanted to drink, I "needed" to drink, I loved to drink, but I couldn't keep up the pace anymore. I had to let the one thing I loved almost more then my family go. It was very scary, very hard, but I wanted to be happy, I wanted to be in control, I wanted the power to run my life, and no longer be powerless over alcohol. It takes courage, strength, and above all honesty and faith that there is a power greater than yourself that can restore your sanity. Be brave! *hugs*

katze

Ama makes a good point. You should perhaps take yourself to a meeting today, especially if you are still drinking. You don't need to wait until tomorrow to focus on your problem. If it is on your mind, you may as well focus on it now. Definitely make use of this message board, though. It has helped me tremendously through this first day. It has kept me busy and kept me pretty positive. I am going to need this board for those times when I feel the urge and just don't want to call anyone for help. I know that I will be able to come here and post and get a dose of reality. Even if I still can't quite picture my life without EVER having a drink, I know that I have to do it and sometimes, it just helps to be reminded by others that it IS possible and that it CAN happen.

I was standing in line yesterday buying my fix and the man behind me just reeked of cheap booze. He stunk and it made me dizzy and also, made my eyes water and my stomach turn. This morning, when my husband told me that I stunk of booze, I thought about how repulsed I was by that guy in line. That was just one of many in the sequence of events that brought me to the point where I am now. Disgust and a desire to stop permanently. I don't want to be one of those smelly drunks waiting in line at the liquor store to get their Friday night fix anymore. I am better than that and so are you. I wish you the best!

mikee

Welcome Anj , your not alone here, this group of good people
at SR, along with my HP blessings and the honest desire to quit
is what it took me.
TC mikee

spirit

hi anj, as others have said "you dont need to drink". it is as simple and as difficult as that. I spent a lot of time telling myself "i dont drink". that helped for a while, but then so did coming here, talkign to AA etc when i felt like i had to drink, when things got a bit wobbly.

you said you are happily married and have great kids, if ever there was a reason not to drink, then that is it. one night when i was on a bender and was physically sick. the next morning my son told me he was scared "mum i thought you were going to choke and die". he was very serious and very scared, he now hates me going to parties etc, searches the house for booze etc. he is 11, dont do this to your kids, or yourself, you dont NEED to do that.

keep coming here, share, listen, learn, it can be done, and as others have said if they can do it, so can you. by admitting it is a problem you have taken the biggest and hardest step already, so you are on your way hon

hugs
kath

Basi

((((((((Anj))))))))))))

I feel for you, I totally relate to what you are going through.I have been sober for over two weeks now, and I never ever thought I would even contemplate the thought of giving up alcohol let alone actually being able to do it............you see "I did not have a drinking problem" I use to say to myself as I drove my two chilldren around under the influence.............moron that I am!!!!!!!

But HEY it is just the most AMAZING feeling to be in total control of yourself and your life......it is really unbelievable...........you can do it........just keep posting darling and keep reading you never know someone may post something that might just trigger a thought or a belief ........and Voila....

Luv & Hugs :hoo
Basi

Debby

:hello2 I have been told by a family member that sometimes it takes different meetings to find that special one that works for you. Do not feel intimidated by the other members, they are still just like us no matter how long they have been sober (be it 1 day or 20 years). You are taking Excellent steps so pat yourself on the back for that at least.

Have you thought about going to a private doctor who specalizes in drug and alcohol abuse, I am finding out that one on one is a great way to help. If you dont have the insurance to cover it than stay in AA, stay here in SR and try one on one with a friend or relative and soon you will find your inner peace, and the answer to all your questions. Dont be hard on yourself because you had a drink, be proud of the ones your not drinking.

The serenity poem helps me as I too had a bad childhood. And because of this I was trying to change every single thing and got worse when I could not change everything.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference

You are in my prayers
Debby

jlo34

Ang,
If you truly don't want to drink anymore, then go to any lengths to get sober. Go to AA, quit comparing and relate with them. I was 16 the first time I went to AA. I was 16 the second time I went to AA. I was 17 and with multiple relapses when it finally clicked and I "got it". I had 2 sponsors that both relapsed while they were my sponsors. (one is back and sober). I was welcomed with open arms. Everytime I came back. In fact, when I was busy relapsing, I still went to meetings. People still loved me and accepted me.
You want a new way of life, go to AA. Go to at least 1 meeting every day. Get a sponsor. Get a home group. Get involved - that's how you stay sober in early recovery. Read the literature, Big Book and the 12 &12 books. You can do it, if you want to. If you won't you'll find excuses why nothing is working for you and you had to drink. Then the vicious cycle will be set in motion, once again.

Wish you good luck and action,
Jen

earlybird

Trust me,..your case IS NOT UNIQUE!!! I understand you need help. You must first ask yourself. Am I doing this for me? Or am I doing this to please my boss,....my girlfriend,.....my wife......my kids......???? If you arent doing this for you, you and only you!!!,......you wont make it. Ask yourself,...would I do this if I was alone,..no wife, no kids, no girlfriend,....no boyfriend,...no job,....no home,....no family,.....Imagine none of that is yours,....would you still want to get sober??? If you say yes,..then you are ready. If you are making excuses of "why you cant" then you arent ready. Your bottom is still out there. I lied, stole, cheat friends out of things,...hit and run accidents,..3 drunk drivings,..revoked license,.....probation since I was 18 (now 33) ,....had 37 jobs in my lifetime. All of which alcohol was directly or indirectly the cause of my leaving. Whatever excuse I gave a boss,...if you dug deep enough,..there was always alcohol. I used to hide bottles of whiskey around my apartment. Behind the TV,...in linen closets,...bedroom closets, under beds,....in drawers,...in cupboards,...even downstairs in the apartments community laundry room behind the machines. Talk about insane thinking. Sounds friggin nuts doesnt it? At the time I thought its not nuts as long as no one knows about it. Even though my physical appearance screamed out ALCOHOLIC,....I just didnt see it. Thought I had everyone fooled. The counter person at Dunkin Donuts took one look at me one night and said,..."You an alcky?" I looked up in disgust ready to tell her NO I AM NOT and how dare you ask that. Before I could she said "I can tell,...I used to look the same way." I walked home thinking the whole way,.."Who the F@#$k is she? She doesnt know me,...or my problems. Nobody knows. I drank a gallon of whiskey and two 40 oz of beer a DAY for 5 years. And that was just my ending years. I drank for 10 years prior to that too. Used to think everyone at my local watering hole understood me. It was just the simple fact that THEY TOO were alcoholics. Alcoholics LOOOOOOVE other alcoholics. Only people we can be our true selves around. These people didnt care about me. Where are they now????? Dead,...still drinking,...or sober. Either way,...they arent thinking of me and my problems. I put down the madness April 14th 2004 and am still sober today. I didnt get sober because I simply stopped drinking. I got sober because first and foremost, I stopped making excuses. So I say to you,...stop making excuses. Nobody does anything because of someone else. So I KNOW THE HOW THE SONG GOES, MY FRIEND,......."Nobody knows,....the trouble Ive seen". Well Ive met the trouble,...I know the trouble,...we were roommates. YOU DRANK. YOU CAUSED THE CHAOS. YOU and us,....will find the serenity now. Its time to become an asset to the world instead of a liability. God Bless,.....Erik