Mischeri

I’ve been married to my cocaine addicted husband and I’m tired of the cycle so thought I was ready for divorce so I told him and he has packed up and meaning to move tomorrow but tonight is out getting high. I’m sad because I don’t want a divorce honestly but am exhausted with this cycle of addiction

Dee74

I'm sorry for what brings you here mischeri - but this is a great place of understanding support and advice

If you have set an ultimatum my advice is to see it through - your husband doesn't seem to show any intent, or signs of stopping

D

Seren

Hello Mischeri, and Welcome. I'm just so sorry for what brings you here to SR, but I'm glad you found us. You really are in the right place for support! I wish I could tell you that threatening to leave an addict or alcoholic would get them to see the light, but it doesn't typically. The heartbreaking truth is that the addict is the only one who can make the decision to get clean and sober. And getting clean is just the first step in a life-long journey of recovery. I'm sorry that this hurts so much, because I know that it does What you can control is you--your life, your decisions and actions for your own happiness. And you do deserve peace and joy! Please keep coming here and talking through it all--it helps!!

FallenAngelina

What is your community of support as you go along with all of this?

LumenandNyx

Hi,

I can understand your frustration and pain. That said - I wonder - might you be jumping a chasm when crossing a bridge would be simpler and more logical? The leap from marriage to divorce without separation first is a big one. Now is probably not the time for drastic measures except for the one HE needs to take to get clean.

Have you required that he get help?
Has he ever looked for help?
Does he know about this website?
Have you offered to help him find the support he needs?
Have you looked together?
Do either of you know where to look?

Sometimes we have to learn the hard way that the answer was never - that hard.

velma929

I'll bet *most* people who divorce aren't happy about it. No one who took his or her vows seriously is going to be happy about the dissolution of a marriage. That being said...
One's own mental health comes before a marriage. It has to. I stayed until the bitter end. I don't recommend it. Coming home every day to a situation that was more stressful than work just stunk.

You'll find plenty of support on this forum, but sorry for what brings you here.

Michsm

I understand, I didn't want to divorce either. It took time and went through a lot of sadness especially the first 6 months. I have been divorced 2 years and divorcing was the best thing I ever did. I have gone to counseling which helped a lot. I had lost my self esteem in my marriage. Everything was about him and about his drinking. Marriage is about partnership and support, I had none of that. There is a world out there that isn’t about him and that is exactly what I have now. It really is refreshing.