Paranoia
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Join Date: Jan 2019
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Paranoia
So ex-AH is displaying some pretty weird behaviour, and im interested in the experience of others.
He's getting quite paranoid. Actually its always been there, its just getting worse now.
He's living in our house. He has motion cameras on the driveway that send a photo to him when cars go past. I still had a key, but would never go there without telling him. Most of my things are out of the house. And i am well set up where i am, so whatever has been left behind is not important.
He's changed the locks on our house instead of just asking me for my key, or discussing rules of visiting/ entering the house. Would have cost $$.
This is just one example of his behaviour. There are lots more but would take a while to write. Given I know how he thinks, this seems less about privacy and more about fear over a perceived threat from kiddo who mouthed off at him. He's done other (more weird) protective strategies before.
Does anyone have any comments to make about paranoid behaviour?
He's getting quite paranoid. Actually its always been there, its just getting worse now.
He's living in our house. He has motion cameras on the driveway that send a photo to him when cars go past. I still had a key, but would never go there without telling him. Most of my things are out of the house. And i am well set up where i am, so whatever has been left behind is not important.
He's changed the locks on our house instead of just asking me for my key, or discussing rules of visiting/ entering the house. Would have cost $$.
This is just one example of his behaviour. There are lots more but would take a while to write. Given I know how he thinks, this seems less about privacy and more about fear over a perceived threat from kiddo who mouthed off at him. He's done other (more weird) protective strategies before.
Does anyone have any comments to make about paranoid behaviour?
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Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 194
I wonder if because you are no longer in the house his alcoholism has escalated? It must be so hard to co-parent in this situation and I do think it's important to be aware of what's going on over there if your kids are spending any time there.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
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My XABF was very paranoid. My theory is that he was constantly concerned that he wasn't getting away with whatever he thought he was getting away with. But ultimately it was irrelevant. I had no more control over his paranoia than I did over his alcoholism.
His behavior, whatever the cause, obviously can affect your kids in a serious way if they are spending time with him. Can you focus your energy on making sure they are supported and know that nothing he does, or that happens to him, is their fault?
His behavior, whatever the cause, obviously can affect your kids in a serious way if they are spending time with him. Can you focus your energy on making sure they are supported and know that nothing he does, or that happens to him, is their fault?
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Join Date: Jun 2010
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My ex had a fully distorted sense of reality. Paranoia was there, but not as much as the sense of entitlement, of how people perceived him, that he was respected (actually he was pitied), had "connections." The worst of all, he thought I was cheating and accused me of it (not even remotely did I even think), stalking me later, showing possessiveness and jealousy. That's when things started getting scary. Once I left, I was amazed to find out how things and people were not even close to how he described them. Those who were "nice" according to him, turned out to be rather shady, and the "bad guys" were not such bad guys after all, just people who saw through him.
So yes, they can be paranoid, and even worse, they can see and hear things that are not really there, or accuse you of things. If he is an ex, treat him like an ex, and stay away as much as possible, as far as possible. When their mind starts playing games, they tend to be dangerous.
So yes, they can be paranoid, and even worse, they can see and hear things that are not really there, or accuse you of things. If he is an ex, treat him like an ex, and stay away as much as possible, as far as possible. When their mind starts playing games, they tend to be dangerous.
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Originally Posted by LumenandNyx 
Well, he's your ex - right?
Why are you going there over his behavior if you're no longer together?
Did I miss something?
Why are you going there over his behavior if you're no longer together?
Did I miss something?
However, I'm getting a long, ranting email once a week pulling apart something I have done with kiddo 1 or 2.
As much as I try to shake it off, some of it still makes me question myself.
That's the legacy of a relationship with an A, and what I still need to work through. It took 20 years to get here. Its going to take a bit to shift.
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Originally Posted by Nd819
I wonder if because you are no longer in the house his alcoholism has escalated? It must be so hard to co-parent in this situation and I do think it's important to be aware of what's going on over there if your kids are spending any time there.
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Virginia
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Hi Wom,
Alcoholics can be very paranoid. They want to keep everything in their court of play. Hence the cameras that send a pic any time a car goes past the house (I hope you live on a busy road so he get constant notifications to his phone. (Did I type that out loud. Sorry)). The changing of the locks, so you can't just walk in at any time. Even though it's your house also. Though it's good that your keeping your meeting brief when picking up your kid. I would just stay in the car and wait for the kid to come out.
While you have to read the emails, just in case he writes something of meaning. He is going to try to put fault on everything you do, cause the people that are on his side are realizing that he is not rational and are slowing coming to see the true person he is. So he is going to try and do what ever he can to keep them on his side. It's sad that he is trying to do that with your kids. They have been caught in the middle of this which is hard for them. Know that you are doing the best for them. Don't questions your judgements when it comes to your kids. He is in no shape to know what is best for them as long as he is still drinking and not getting help.
Keep being strong for both you and your kids. Know that you have made some hard, but correct choices. Focus on the things that bring you happiness.
Alcoholics can be very paranoid. They want to keep everything in their court of play. Hence the cameras that send a pic any time a car goes past the house (I hope you live on a busy road so he get constant notifications to his phone. (Did I type that out loud. Sorry)). The changing of the locks, so you can't just walk in at any time. Even though it's your house also. Though it's good that your keeping your meeting brief when picking up your kid. I would just stay in the car and wait for the kid to come out.
While you have to read the emails, just in case he writes something of meaning. He is going to try to put fault on everything you do, cause the people that are on his side are realizing that he is not rational and are slowing coming to see the true person he is. So he is going to try and do what ever he can to keep them on his side. It's sad that he is trying to do that with your kids. They have been caught in the middle of this which is hard for them. Know that you are doing the best for them. Don't questions your judgements when it comes to your kids. He is in no shape to know what is best for them as long as he is still drinking and not getting help.
Keep being strong for both you and your kids. Know that you have made some hard, but correct choices. Focus on the things that bring you happiness.
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