Bessi

Hi all,

I am so desperate for support. I feel so alone and isolated. My spouse in a chronic gamer and drinks so much.

I really dont think i can take this anymore and he just seems to not care atall how much this is hurting me.

ImNotThatGuy

Hi Bessi. Your post really stings for me because it brings home the regret for the pain I've caused my own spouse.

All I can tell you is that he will either come around or not. There's really nothing you can do except take care of yourself. Look into Al Anon.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm sorry for your situation.

Does your husband want to stop drinking and gaming? If not, there is not much you can do unless and until he decides to take action and change. It's important for you to take care of yourself. Can you meet up with friends/family sometimes for some companionship? You could try AlAnon in your community as a support for you. We do understand how hard this is and I know you will find support here.

LumenandNyx

Hi,

Does your husband know how you feel?

Bessi

Yes he is very aware of how I feel but is in complete denial amd seems to think I am negative and naggin at him.

Im so lost to what actions i can take but im concerned this is having such a negative effect on my mental health. I dont feel like myself atall. I feel I am putting too much energy into why my other half would be this way and so selfish. Im literally wore out from him.

Anna

There really isn't much you can do to help your husband. It's up to him to make the decision to help himself.

You can work on taking care of yourself though.

Dee74

Welcome Bessi - I'm sorry for what brings you here but this is a place of great support

d

least

I don't know where you live but I'd google "AlAnon" near "your town" and see if anything comes up. You need some support. You'll find a lot of support here too, we even have forums for friends and family of alcoholics and addicts.

Steely

Yes, Friends and Family here on SR Bessi. Lots of support there from people who understand, and have been there. Experience.

Agree with others that he will change when HE wants to, and sometimes this means you changing no longer prepared to put up with it any longer.

Was wondering if you had kids Bessi?

Bessi

Thank you everyone. Yes steely,this is the biggest issue as we have a child with autism so its not as easy as breaking up. Tried this and it didnt work either as he wasnt too supportive acted so childish, played games and got spiteful. Im pretty exhausted tbh

LumenandNyx

I don't think it's conducive for you to refer to this man as your other half. You are already a whole and complete person.
Your husband is "being" this way because he's addicted to alcohol. The alcohol is saturating his brain and this affects everything the man says and does.

You can't save him. He has to want to save himself and then do something about it. In the meantime - you may want to think about leaving for two reasons. To rekindle your own sanity and feelings of worth, and to send him a message.

Until he realizes that he's destroying himself and your relationship with alcohol - nothing is going to improve. Improvement comes only when an addict stops using their drug of choice - in his case, alcohol.

As for the gaming - that's another ball of wax that will probably best be addressed once his drinking has been nipped in the bud.

Hawkeye13

Taking care of two children sounds harder than doing it on your own with one. Maybe take some baby steps to see what kind of community support you can get if you leave him to the drinking and gaming. As others stated, there is absolutely nothing you can do to control his behavior, but you can take charge of your own life and start making other plans.

So sorry for all you are going through.

Wastinglife

I have nothing to offer other than you can speak to everyone here. I am certain that there are members of SR here who have the same experience!

It's hard, very hard to not just numb yourself out with a bottle of wine, beer, whiskey etc.

I don't keep any booze in the house. Children are your priority. Great kids want to play in the park with you im sure!

Bessi

Thank you everyone for support.

You guys are 100% right, Im just going to concentrate on myself and keeping myself sane and healthy.

MaximusD

Even with the added issues of not having your spouse and what you might go through you might be better off without him. Maybe give the guy an ultimatum. As a guy myself that is probably similar, or was, I would need a serious wake up call to stop. An ultimatum would work for me. It would probably **** me off at first but would get me thinking in the right way.

Steely

Just saw your post Bessi. Yes, very difficult with child with autism.

All that i know Bessi is that he's not going to change until he feels he has to and that may well depend on you changing. I don't believe he is ever going to be "supportive", "adult" forever when he has no need. He knows you have always remained, why should he change? Like all kids he'll go for the breaks.

My father was alcoholic Bessi and I can tell you it is no life for a child. Filled me with anxiety all of my life. It's not going to be easy Bessi, and can't happen overnight, but I'd be taking the good advice you have given yourself and concentrate on you and your child. Take it slow, but concentrate on yourself only. Let him game and drink himself in the back room for as long as he likes, while you do good things for yourself.

Thinking too you seeing a family counsellor, therapist. Is there a counselling service within the autism network?

Do you still cook for him? What does he offer you Bessi?