Holy Crap! Progress.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Holy Crap! Progress.
It's 9:45pm where I am. I'm up catching up on some work tonight that is due by morning. I'm an engineer and it is complex work. I have about several documents open, I'm balancing the budget, the schedule and planning efforts for a team that I am leading right now. It is all I can do to get it done right. And there is absolutely zero chance that I could do it if I were still drinking. My responsibility level is up again to where it was years ago before I just stopped caring. I'm performing well (though not as well as I could if my fatigue weren't so bad). I had to take a break to make a note of this for my future self. I would not be able to keep this job, there is no way, if I were still drinking. Hell, I would have been drunk by noon, much less be online at 9:45 working to finish by a deadline.
I'm about 50 days sober, I've made it to about 45 AA meetings and they have changed the way I look at life. Am I living a fun and joyous life? Hell no. I'm isolated and lonely. Tired all the time. Dealing with headaches and a general lack of motivation. But I am hopeful and I know for a fact, not from speculation, from years of personal adventures and research that if I were to drink, only terrible things would occur. IN FACT, when I was drinking, I often found myself in the company of women. And we would drink and live out some majorly dysfunctional nights. And at the time I thought at least I was not alone. But in hindsight, I was less than alone. I was in the presence of sickness and toxicity. Not saying they were bad people, just that they were sick like me. So I was regressing, not growing. Today I may be a lot of things, but one thing is for certain, today I am growing.
I'm about 50 days sober, I've made it to about 45 AA meetings and they have changed the way I look at life. Am I living a fun and joyous life? Hell no. I'm isolated and lonely. Tired all the time. Dealing with headaches and a general lack of motivation. But I am hopeful and I know for a fact, not from speculation, from years of personal adventures and research that if I were to drink, only terrible things would occur. IN FACT, when I was drinking, I often found myself in the company of women. And we would drink and live out some majorly dysfunctional nights. And at the time I thought at least I was not alone. But in hindsight, I was less than alone. I was in the presence of sickness and toxicity. Not saying they were bad people, just that they were sick like me. So I was regressing, not growing. Today I may be a lot of things, but one thing is for certain, today I am growing.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 73
Nice work!!
Things definitely get easier to deal with once the head is clear. Had a stressful couple days myself dealing with family member stuff and just rolled with the punches.
Awesome being able to deal with crap situations and just accept that it had to be done.
Things definitely get easier to deal with once the head is clear. Had a stressful couple days myself dealing with family member stuff and just rolled with the punches.
Awesome being able to deal with crap situations and just accept that it had to be done.
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
Awesome post
Once we realize alcohol is not the answer we are free to move on to other things.
Life isn't prefect on my end either but if I compare where I was on day 50 to where I am now at 253 days, I can see continual improvement. The best part is that alcohol is really in the past now...becoming more distant from me every day. Of course, I'm no fool and I won't take this for granted and become complacent but just being here today and not hating myself is a pretty big deal.
Once we realize alcohol is not the answer we are free to move on to other things. Life isn't prefect on my end either but if I compare where I was on day 50 to where I am now at 253 days, I can see continual improvement. The best part is that alcohol is really in the past now...becoming more distant from me every day. Of course, I'm no fool and I won't take this for granted and become complacent but just being here today and not hating myself is a pretty big deal.
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Join Date: May 2017
Location: Northern Ireland, UK
Posts: 455
Congrats Babm sounds like you're doing great despite the fatigue. Hopefully it will subside soon. I have a similar amount of time as you and often find myself falling asleep for several hours in the afternoon most days. I'm guessing it's a normal part of recovery from what we have put ourselves through.
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