Mags1

‘Letting go of both being in control and worrying over being out of control is a major milestone in sobriety’.



I was told these words early in my sobriety.







How could I let go of being in control and hence not worry about being out of control?



I was so used to getting things sorted for other people (usually because of the jobs I held) it petered into my private life.



It was difficult to let go of stuff, let go of being in control.



Looking back on my posts from way back, when I thought I was in control of myself, but instead I saw a confused woman floundering what to do next.



Slowly, in recovery I did learn how to let go.



Letting go of worrying how family and friends see me.



Letting go of trying to make things right for everybody and anybody.



Letting go of trying to be master of the universe.



It was a big step. Into new territory. On a new road of self discovery.



It’s amazing what sobriety helps us achieve.



When I accepted that I can't control the world, I let go of the worry. Little by little, I got to a place where I can accept life's indignities or outright hurts.



Eventually, I will let go of bigger things as well.



If this is your first weekend sober, or many, come join us for support and chat...as we know the weekends can be a struggle sometimes. (We’re here all week too!)

Dee74

Thank you mags

D

Reid82

Thanks Mags...Shotgun!?

Mags1

Congratulations on shotgun Reid!

Robbie64

Thanks Mags!

Willow00

Thanks Mags.
Lots of stuff I’m sure I should let go of.... there’s so much we can’t control, but to stop trying to control things isn’t easy. Definitely a work in progress

lunar

Thanks Mags!

CaptainHaddock

Thank you Mags. I’m not a control freak, but certainly need to learn how to stop worrying about things that I have no control over.

Anyway, I’m in for another sober weekend and off tomorrow for a couple days to see family in-law. I had to renew my vehicle license disk this morning, when I saw that it expired at the end of March already! Fortunately due to the lockdown there was a bit of grace and the penalty fees weren’t that stiff at all.

I’m quite looking forward to the trip that passes through some lovely scenic areas. I’ll see if I can post a picture or two.

Have good sober weekend with lots of letting go everyone!

theVman31

Hello weekender afficionados,

I love the intro Mags : ‘Letting go of both being in control and worrying over being out of control is a major milestone in sobriety’.

It's been a while so i wanted to say hello.
I have been following some of your antics as a guest from time to time. Modern espionage !
Lots of great fun and photos in the last weekender

I wanted to say it's good to see you back on the thread MantaLady (even if i'm not on much myself)

Congrats to all for getting through last weekend sober and courage to the struggling alcoholic. It's an awful hellhole to be in. Hang in there.

As for me well the hols are over and gone. We done a lot of camping in the mountains with hiking and swimming in mountaintop lakes. We went back to our offices this week, so, that was a mighty shock to the system. I have been remote working since mid march and had gotten very fondly used to it (i live in the countryside and have pretty bad traffic for going into Toulouse) Better not complain though as I am lucky to have a job and pay at the end of the month. And oh i'm still sober and going for a local toulouse vman record.

Take care weekenders
Vinny

MLD51

Thanks, Mags.
Great topic. I hadn't realized how much I tried to control everything and also take responsibility for so many things that weren't mine, until I got sober. I needed to have things my way or I was really uncomfortable, and my upbringing taught me to try to fix everything. I think a lot of people can relate to this. It was so damaging to me. I would blame myself when things didn't go as planned or when things truly went south - and then feel like a failure. Even when it wasn't my responsibility or fault at all. I do believe this was a contributing factor to my drinking. I would be so anxious and worried all the time, because I was trying to carry the weight of the world. I am NOT great at letting go yet. I still carry more than I should. I am working hard on this. I have gotten better at identifying the things I should and can control. The important stuff - keeping my kids whole, keeping my home in order and safe keeping food in the fridge and the bills paid. Taking good care of my pets. Doing my job at work (and not doing more than I'm supposed to - that's really hard). Taking care of myself mentally and physically. Helping my close friends when they need it. Being there for aging mother and step father (they don't need much, yet). The rest - well, it's just not that important. It's a fine line to walk sometimes. But so important to overall well-being.

Mags1

Hiya Robbie, Willow, and lunar.

Captain, Hi. Enjoy your trip this weekend.

Good to see you Vinny, glad things are going ok.

Marty, I was same. I think really came from when I was young, my mum expected to shoulder a lot of responsibility for a kid. It grew from there. Being sober helped me to realise and work on me.

SoberLeigh

Thanks, Mags. Great topic.

Letting go - so very freeing; wish I had learned that skill earlier. The backpack had become so heavy. I have learned to sift through it regularly and keep only the essentials; makes moving forward so much easier.

Vman! So good to see you and to hear that you are doing well. Here’s to your imminent Toulouse Man record!

Love to all.

MLD51

Good news on the college move-in front for my daughter. Sounds like the campus will let them move into the dorm in a couple of weeks. There will be many restrictions on where they can go and what they can do for a while. Basically for the first 2 weeks they are to stay in the residence hall. They can go out walking but that's about it. No access to any other campus buildings, no going out and about to area businesses. No visitors. All classes will be online for the first few weeks. Then if things are going well they can gradually loosen restrictions and start in-person classes. Her classes were all going to be remote anyway but at least she will be there and meeting some new people.

SoberLeigh

Sounds as though your daughter’s university has really come up with a good plan, Marty.

Mags1

That’s good news Marty!

Hi Leigh

saoutchik

IN!
Thank you for the new thread Mags!

Not drinking to excess gave me a better perspective on what is and what isn't important which in turn made it easier to let some things go that I was never going to influence let alone control.

Well done on Shotgun Robbie!

Good to see you VMan, I'm glad your summer holiday went well.

Today I heard of someone losing their job because of a drunken social media post (I think it involved drug use) That seems a bit harsh but I don't know the full story. What it reminded me though was that is a whole new(ish) area that can get the intoxicated into trouble. For once I am glad not to be young as I am certain it would have caused me a lot of trouble.

SoberLeigh

Sao, I am glad that I am not young during this COVID mess - trying to balance life, kids, a job, etc. I feel especially grateful not to be among the very elderly, so many of whom are basically trapped in assisted living or nursing facilities and unable to leave or have visitors. It is for them that I feel the worst; their loneliness must be dreadful.

, Mags, CaptainHaddock, Willow, lunar, Dee, Robbie, Reid

lunar, how is your frog - I can’t for the life of me remember his name. Is he listening to many tunes these days?

Cityboy

Jabo. I remember because I go by a Jabo Road a lot, and always think about lunars frog.

SoberLeigh

Thank you, CityBoy!

Forwards

Hi fellow Weekenders,

Great topic Mags, thank you. It has certainly made me pause for thought. I was suddenly struck today by how much we change in recovery. I seem to have matured 20 years in 20 months of sobriety, so much so that I occasionally find myself stopping and asking 'Who are you?'. It's sometimes quite disconcerting.

As for learning to let go, it is still something I'm working on. My 'to do' lists are still very much a feature of day to day life. What has changed though is the level of worrying I do about things I can't control. As long as I have done my best each day I can go to bed (relatively) happy. Contrast this to my drinking life where I knew every day that I was letting myself down and seemingly couldn't do anything about it. Horrible times to look back on.

So, news from here... The younger housemates spent much of the bank holiday weekend drinking and I was invited to join them. Having firmly declined I cooked them all a giant apple crumble with our own produce from the garden instead. It was very good indeed :-). My work continues to go well and I for this I'm very grateful. As I keep saying, all only possible in sobriety.

Good to hear from you MLD, Vman, Lunar, Robbie, Reid and Leigh. Well done on your sober time Captain and Willow. Sao I agree that social media can be a curse for the unwary. We grew up in simpler times - maybe we were lucky.

Warm wishes to all. Stay close this weekend. Forwards.