bjmt

Just a quick question? Does it bother anyone else to buy Alcohol for relatives? Every year..we go Christmas shopping and my AH always buys big bottles of alcohol for his Dad,Sister,Brother-in-law and Brother. Its not much fun to have a bunch of drunk relatives on Christmas and Boxing Day.

Hadenuff

Hi,

My family will already have their spirits so whether I bring them gifts of it or not its going to be there. I can pretty much bet if your AH's people are drinkers the'll already have their own too.

No I wouldn't give someone I know who drinks to excess or known for obnoxious behavior booze for a gift.

I am a recovering alcoholic and addict and appear to be the only one suffering with addiction problems in my family. I have grown where I don't care what others drink or being around it. Not an issue for me. I'm not cocky, I just know there is no way I'm gonna put alcohol in my body. They have a good time and enjoy themselvess and yes I will be giving gifts of wine. My Dad enjoys top shelf gin so he'll get a bottle of that.

I agree being around drunk people behaving like idiots is unpleasent. I'm not talking about going to a keg party with my old drinking buddies.

Hope its not too unpleasent for you and if it is you AH will be considerate enough to your feelings and not stay too long.

H

wraybear

I wonder if people who have drinking problems give gifts of liquor hoping the recipients will open the bottle why they are visiting so they can all "drink and be merry".

Magichappens

I have bought liquor for family gifts before. Some people can enjoy a drink of a fine wine or liquor without a problem. The "better" spirit may not be what they would buy for themself, so it is a gift. For those who have a problem, a plastic gallon bottle of cheap booze or a 6 pack would probably make them the happiest (for a minute).

Of course an alcoholic looks for situations that they can get hammered with others. It helps them justify that they aren't different, and "everybody else is doing it." I have heard many AA life stories, and most will tell you that they always tried to find people that were worse than them, so they could feel that "at least I'm not as bad as them."

I personally don't add fuel to a fire. If it's up to me, I won't buy booze for someone with a problem, especially if it will cause me to have to deal with drunks. But like someone said, if they're going to drink, they will, whether I bring the booze or not. And if someone else (ie. hubby) decides to do it, that's his perogative. I will have a way to get away when the fireworks start. Hugs, Magic

Hadenuff

Won't argue that for some that may be true. It is said the disease of alcoholism is cunning, baffleing and powerful. I don't know if BJMT's husband is in recovery or not. If he is sober I hope he is secure in his desire to be sober. And like magic said if he drinks, he's the one picking up that drink and drinking it. If a person wants to drink they are going to drink.

I live a program of recovery. I do not fear alcohol. I DO fear the person I become if I take that first drink. I won't live my life hiding or missing out because I don't drink. Alcohol is everywhere. For me to even think I could shield myself from it is not realistic. As long as I have faith in my Higher Power there is no way I am going to drink.

H

Chy

Not a chance! Us program types avoid people, places, and things dealing with our nemesis. I can only see that happening with people not ready and willing to quit.

StandingStrong

My best friend's husband has always bought a certain wine for my best friend on their anniversary as one of the gifts he gives her.
Having been married to an alcoholic, this was kinda weird for me in the beginning.
However, now that I've come as far as I have, I realize that it's not a problem for them. Neither one of them drinks very often, nor do they have problems with drinking. For them, it's her favorite alcoholic drink which she gets once a year, and they drink a glass in celebration of their anniversary. The rest of the bottle is drank through out time, not in a hurry at all.

I think that to give someone alcohol that has a tendency to lean towards the addictive behaviour, etc. would be in bad taste as it's encouraging and enabling.
But in a circumstance as I listed above with my friend, I don't see a problem with that at all. So, for me, I think it has to do with the individual. Though I would have to wonder about the motives about an alcoholic who gives that as a gift as was mentioned above by another poster.

smoke gets in my eyes

LOL Hadenuff. Come and visit with my family. Alcohol is nowhere. There used to be a little on the breath of a couple who wandered in late to every occasion (my dad for example) and everyone else scowled at them. Not any more though, because those two are dead, having not heeded the scowls that said "you're gonna die of that". The county I live in now is dry. There are lots of those around here. Imagine. Entire counties full of voters who understand that alcohol is not necessary!

I'm trying to put myself in bj's situation because I've never really been there. Dino's family drinks, but he was a crack user so the issue of him giving gifts to them of any kind has never come up. But I think I would just roll my eyes. He knows his family better than I do and what they like to receive as gifts. If that's what they like I'm not going to be able to change it and am not likely to take up a political stance on a festive occasion.

Here's a thing that rattles me though. People who give ME alcohol as a gift. Anybody who had ever seen me drink wouldn't do it. But sometimes relative strangers, who feel inclined for some reason to give a "thank you" gift give booze. I think it is totally bizarre to give someone you don't know a gift of alcohol. Tons of people don't drink. It's not a scientific survey but I think I actually know more people that don't drink than people who do. (I'm talking about everyday contact, not folks on the recovery board. ) I guess it's their copout gift. "What do you give when you don't know what to give?" So they pick something they think is universal and they don't think very deeply.

So what do you give when you don't know what to give? My failsafe gift is gasoline gift certificates. I have never given one when it didn't get a genuine smile... and lately the smiles have gotten bigger. I know... some people don't have cars. I will have to reevaluate if I run into them.

MootPoint

Not a chance! I'm a recovering alcoholic and I just can't see buying poisen for my freinds and family!

My fav gift is Tollhouse chocolate chip cookies

Hadenuff

hi Smoke,
I should have owned that statement I made when I said alcohol is everywhere. In my life it is and I havn't taken a drink for 23 months. Coming back from the super market I passed 2 bars, a beer distributor and a State store(liquor store). I just watched 3 beer commercials in the hour that has passed watching sports on TV. When I stopped to pick up my check at work two guys talked about how loaded they got the night before and about the bags of crack they bought. My Mom has half a bottle of wine in her refridgerator and I am here alone.
Just makes me thankful that through working the steps my obsession for alcohol has been removed.

thanks for sharing what its like around your home. I'd be glad to come.

yours in recovery

H

Aquiana

Since living with an A I don't think I'd ever give alcohol as a gift again unless I was 100% sure the reciever wouldn't abuse it. It is one of those copout gifts and something I think a lot of people buy without second thought. It was never a problem for me so I never considered it might be for others. I was laughing as I was reading this because I was thinking that a friend of mine bought me about 5 little airplane bottles of liquors one time for a gift. They were to go along with some coffee she bought for me. I was laughing since that was 2 and a half years ago and I still have them. lol Coffee didn't last long though. It's fine for a lot of people who enjoy a nice drink every once in a while.

smoke gets in my eyes

((( Hadenuff! )))

I understood what you were talking about, H. The counties next to us are NOT dry. And lots of the social occasions I go to that are not just my family are just brimming with rotgut. Y'know what? I quit smoking 16 months ago. It is illegal to smoke in any public building in the city where I work, no one smokes in my home, but to me... cigarettes are everywhere.

Hugs,
Smoke

chrisea

was on the news the other night, in the state of Pennsylvania, the liquor stores recently (around Thanksgiving) started selling gift certificates for their booze. So far, & such a short amt of time, they made $200,000. Kinda sad, because I would think that if someone is going to buy a gift certificate, they only buy one per gift (per person). And with this card, it could take away from the restaurant, or small store gift certificate sales...

Momamy3

What about for those chocoholics?

bjmt

OH...delicious Double Fudge Cookies. To die for!!
If you love chocolate...Belgium for Chocolates lovers. They make some of the best chocolate in the world. Go over to Amsterdam..every change I get. Buy chocolate and lace! Sorry,just had to throw that in!

Mango blast

How do you know if they have a problem? The alcoholics I know the best hid the problem the best. Seriously hid it. Two of them I would have thought didn't drink much other than an occasional social drink and rum in their eggnog.

Whiskey now seems the gift of choice for anyone visiting us. I don't drink, our kids obviously aren't going to be hitting that bottle, but my husband is thought of by many throughout the year who bring a bottle of whiskey for him. He enjoys it and it's easy for them knowing what he likes. They're being kind and have no clue how fast that bottle will be gone or how much he actually goes through.

My parents used to buy a special bottle of whiskey for him for birthday or christmas; I finally asked them to stop several years ago. Just gently hinted maybe something else. Denying the problem. I'd love to give myself a swift kick right now. What have I been thinking all these years trying to take care of and watch out for him? I CANNOT do it for him. He has to want to do it for himself. (oops, sorry for the sidetrack)

I just found a bottle of Cranberry Wine my mom gave me in a gift basket last year. She didn't start drinking until she was in her 30's and still only drinks occasionally. I don't know whether to dump the bottle, regift it or just give it back to her.

faith