Flowing

I've been thinking about this for a while.....

I often think of sobriety as incredibly hard, mainly due to all of the relapses I've had over the years but the thing is its not actually sobriety that's hard, its just that particular day. One argument, one problem, one disagreement and bang! Back on the bottle. Having just relapsed I can clearly see that sobriety is so much easier than drinking but I've just got to find a way to reliably get through those days which lead to picking up again. Any suggestions??

Dee74

I spent whole days on SR in the beginning.
Support really helps - and supporting someone else here, I found, helped even more?

There will always be bad days - everyone has them, alcoholics or not - but they always give way to good ones.

If you can accept that, and stop reaching for the bottle on bad days, you'll find things a lot easier going.

D

Kaily

I think you know the key to recovery. Some days are really hard but that is where the work comes in on those difficult days. Early days I would walk, mile upon mile, all day long. No money in my pockets so I couldn't act on impulse. I would get home exhausted, if the craving was still there I would pace, post, scream, eat ice cream - anything but drink, no matter how much I wanted to. No!

Slowly slowly the cravings decrease and you learn how to deal with them when they do appear. The days turn into months, along with a sense of pride that you don't want to lose. The battles still come but you are ready and stubborn. Tomorrow they will be gone...so don't mess up today.

You can do it.

Sober45

I failed many times but this time I’m almost 8 months sober. The thing that made the difference was and still is coming here daily. I have days where I don’t even want to but I do anyway. SR is like a daily renewal. I did stray away after the first few months but came back when I realized I was becoming distant from my reasons for quitting. Also,

- I accept moderation will never be possible.
-I never leave room in my head for the AV to come in
-I’m replacing my addiction with other things that give me joy like food.
- I look for and express gratitude for the improvements in my life because I don’t drink. Like right now...just opened my eyes and here I am writing this message to you instead of avoiding the mirror like I used to.

just by doing what I’m doing here now, I put a little more space between me and alcohol.

Renegade2

Hi.
This is my day 1, after several relapses, I hope this is the beginning of my recovery.
What you said is entirely true to me, moderation is impossible. I can't stop it. I'll never be that person who can drink just one cup socially and be OK. I wish I could, but I'm not able.
That's one thing I still need to figure out what I'll tell people why I won't drink with them socially, even if it's just a sip of champagne in someone's birthday party.

Sober45

congrats on day one, we can all do this. In my past failures I would announce to the world “I’m done with alcohol, never again”. All I was doing was creating unnecessary pressure that led me back to drinking.

this time, i told people I was doing a dry January for fun. I keep it light and saved the real stuff for those closest to me.

Most people are not going to care anyway...at least not as much as we perceive.

Dropsie

R2,

I just go with a don't drink. But I still dont tell the world why and often tell some fibs about that. Dont feel great about that, but I have to do what I have to do even after 5 years.

I agree with S45, in the beginning, say anything you feel OK with -- on medication, taking some time off, on a health kick, whatever. Dont add to the pressure.

The downside is that it leaves the door open...and the real key is, dont drink.

Keepa go!

Hodd

Telling people (or not) shouldn’t be an issue.

i told friends I’d become dependent. They’re all cool with that.

Strangers or acquaintances get told I don’t drink.

You’ll soon find drinkers at parties with their bellies hanging out will be envious.

LumenandNyx

YES. Don't drink.
Don't use your hands to pick up alcohol.
Don't swallow it.
Do something - anything else.
It's exactly that simple - and that hard. Weird, eh?

Anna

I'm glad you're looking for healthy ways to get through the difficult days. I read every inspiring story I could find about people who had stopped drinking and were recovering. "Drinking: A Love Story", a memoir by Caroline Knapp helped me to believe that I could do this. I also started getting out of the house and walking for miles, and routinely depended on my favourite music to soothe me.

Obladi

Flowing, I'm not sure if this fits for you, but for me it turned out to be just one moment that would send me in a tailspin.

Lots of trial and error later, I found that I needed to teach myself to identify and actually feel the discomfort that ran through my life so silently that I didn't even recognize it. On a regular basis, I'd blow stuff off because I was making a big deal out of nothing, or because normal people wouldn't be bothered by this, or whatever judgement I put on those little episodes in life that bugged me. I'd power through and then eventually seemingly out of the blue, I'd blow!

I'm not sure how I got to the conclusion that I needed to confront every situation in life that was uncomfortable for me. But I did, because I realized that there was a simmering cauldron just under the surface pretty much all of the time.

So I went to it. What just happened? Why did that bother me? Am I justified in being irritated? (Of course, I am - something is bothering me!) Ok, what does this situation put me in mind of? What's that feeling? Where did it originate? Can I handle that feeling now that I'm a grown person? Every time, I found something in my past that contributed to my perception of the current situation. And every time, I decided I could handle that thing. Often, that meant having a conversation with the offending party - to have them help me to figure out if I was off base? Or even to tell them I was hurt/offended by something they'd said. I'd never do that with the sociopaths that I used to hang around with, but I can do that today with the good people I've chosen to associate with.

Sound like a lot of work? It IS. But it was so worth it! Now that I know how to dissect these things, I get through them much faster. And by virtue of being able to do that, I am also able to sit through a craving, gnashing my teeth if necessary, and it eventually passes.

It's not so much about the days you explode as it is about all of the other moments leading up to it.

At least that's how it is for me.

O

RecklessDrunk

Understand that when you are caught in a craving it will blow over in minutes.

You can come here or go to a meeting.

Think the drink through. Just today and the consequences tomorrow. How do you think you will feel when you wake up tomorrow and figure out you drank? Or didnt drink? How will it feel to wake up sober tomorrow? Is the thought that drinking a poison is somehow going to improve things insane?

Take a deep breath, exhale really slow. Do it again. Repeat the serenity prayer, there's a reason we say it every meeting

D122y

I thought about drinking at some point today, but I don't drink. I hate the stuff.

I really, really, really hate the stuff.

After all this clean time, I am still amazing myself with the things I am starting to figure out and do with confidence.

That being said, I totally embarrassed myself today at work. Basically, I made the huge new guy mistake, sort of.

But, then I recovered with some class and finished strong. I have obsessed about today's embarrassing situation at at least 20 times since it happened. I have a 1 hour drive home from work where i'd work myself up to a froth and drink it away.

Now I just deal. Today I was laughing at myself saying...but did it kill you?

Thanks.

stickyone

Meditation has worked wonders for me. Mindfulness staying in the present moment not thinking about the past or the future. When those bad emotions or feelings begin to feel overwhelming, stop take as much breathes as you need to calm your heart rate. Don't fight the feeling acknowledge it and let it pass. Not so easy but the more you commit the easier it becomes. Not a cure but a good tool to use

MaximusD

Drinking just has to be off the table with no negotiation. You have to want to be sober more than to drink. These are all things everyone says here but they are so true. I found that in all my slips I almost started to just say "Eh slipping is normal" While it is normal for quitters to slip it cannot be sluffed off as no big deal. We need to protect our sobriety with EVERYTHING WE HAVE. Once I figured that out I have been better.

ImNotThatGuy

I don't really have any suggestions because I'm still early on myself and dealing with the same issue. It's so unfair, how hard it is to stay on the wagon and how easy it is to fall off!

For me it comes down to one stupid moment. I can blow weeks, months or years of sobriety in one stupid moment where I let my guard down. I wish there were an easy answer for why this is so, but it is. You're definitely not alone in struggling with this.

DriGuy

I don't think it's about the day. It's your addiction. "Back on the bottle," is all about addiction. You want alcohol. Your body has adapted to it and now "requires" it. Your mind has grown used to the temporary reprieve you get from alcohol. While it offers a temporary reprieve, returning to the bottle reinforces that behavior. This is what addiction is.

So what's wrong with addiction if it satisfies you? Well for one thing, It leads to shameful behavior. You do stupid and pitiful things when you're drunk, because you no longer care about yourself, at least until you sober up and think about what you have done. Not least of all, it robs you of control. Those disagreements you have remain unresolved, and you never learn to control your reaction to them. As an alcoholic, you will never ever control your drinking. But if you stop drinking for good, you can learn to control other things, but not everything, in which case, you will have to learn to accept the limits of your environment. Not exactly what you want? Right? Learn it and you will finally be in control of yourself if not everything else, and that is real progress.

The worse thing about addiction to me was that I was being controlled by a mindless substance. How stupid could I be to let than happen? The cure was in forgetting about trying to control my drinking. I just quit altogether. This becomes easy once you quit, and then you get to go on from there and live a life on your terms. People often say "live life on life's terms," but that to me is not much different than living it on my terms, assuming that my terms are REALISTIC. So no, I don't get to control everything, just more control over myself.

But to address your question, how do you do this? Stop drinking for good, not just until the next bad day. Yes, it's a struggle at first. But rather faster than you think, the addiction loses it's grip, and you can practice life, as opposed to practicing addiction. You can start practicing real control and real acceptance. You will eventually take your bad days in stride, and plow though them like a big person, rather than hiding in the closet like a child.

Obladi

^^^ Hear here!

brighterday1234

All it takes to stay sober for life is just a day; a series of staying sober just for today 🙏