New Here ///Crazy Story
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Oakland, TN
Posts: 3
New Here ///Crazy Story
first of all I would like to say I have come to terms with being an Adult Child of an alcoholic and I am taking steps to better myself. 
Ok the BIG story. My marriage is in shambles and 10 days ago my hubby and I had a fight. Well in his drunken rage he yelled "it might as well be OVER" The first time he said it I shrugged it off. The second time he said it I responded with "If it is OVER just leave".(believe me i didn't say it that nicely) Well to my astonishment he left. Checked into a motel close to work and has been there since.
History on my husband. He is an Alcoholic and I believe he has mental problems also. He has been drinking 1/2 liter or more of Scotch or Vodka just to sleep at night because of his stresful job (he is a Systems analyst for a large company)Well when my dh comes home from work I am a total wacked out case. I do not know how to act, and I try to keep our precious 2yr old out of his way(although my son things his daddy hung the moon and wants his attention the moment he walks through the door) which my dh cannot handle. If i try to ask just a simple question about daily life or circumstances I get a response of "Damnit honey, I have been answering questions all day can u give it a rest?" Ok this makes me feel like I cannnot communicate with him at all w/o him striking me down. His drinking has become worse and I have resorted to drinking just to tolerate him or to get along w/ him. Well this has made me mooding and a bit cocky(if those are the right words). I am tired of walking on eggshells. My son feels the tension in this house and he shows out (being bad etc....)It especially hurts him when daddy tells him daddy can't play (even for 5 minutes) Well this pisses me off to no end. My 2yr needs his daddy and he is pushing this baby further away.
Ok , since my hubby left he has decided to quit drinking and stay at this motel for 30 days to dry out b/c he desn't think he can do it here with us. Withdrawl symptoms etc.....My hubby is on Coumadin (blood thinners) for a blood clot in his lung we found last year. So he went to his Dr and told him his plan and the dr has to work with him on his protime (blood count). He also put him on lexapro and klonopin(sp)He is to see him in 2 weeks.Also the dr suggested a shrink. So this happened Wednesday. Well Mon & Tues he had a drunkin blow out with 2 of his cousins (who are nothing but drunks) Ok this kinda urked me but hey I let it go. He said Wed would be the DAY to stop. According to him he hasn't had a drop. He said it was rough thursday night. Cravings I guess. Well a dear friend of ours just delivered a beautiful baby girl Thursday night so Dh and I met at the hospital to go see the baby. Well as we were leaving he said he had to go to his cousins house to drop off a car he was driving and then back to the motel to TRY to sleep.. OK this sent me through the roof. She is the type that will not let you leave her house without at least a shot of Vodka and will hound you till you do so. I did not say a word. But I stewed the whole drive home to pick up OUR 2yr old to take him to a xmas parade (that daddy had no desire to attend w/ us) I am doing everything in my power to keep this precious innocent child happy. Do you know what we are telling him about daddy being gone??????? Get this......."Daddy's Working" Ackkkkkk what a crock.
My thinking is my husband is not telling me the truth and is still drinking. I told him when he decided this that we were going to work on each of us getting better (my story is a whole diffrent chapter.)Then we will work on our marriage.
I know I cannot make him stop drinking. I know he has to be the one to decide. It just hurts me that he is possibly lying to me just to shut me up. I want to believe him but when he said he was going by cousins house It raised BIG RED FLAG....
ok that is my story for now. any insight from anyone will be helpful.
Ok the BIG story. My marriage is in shambles and 10 days ago my hubby and I had a fight. Well in his drunken rage he yelled "it might as well be OVER" The first time he said it I shrugged it off. The second time he said it I responded with "If it is OVER just leave".(believe me i didn't say it that nicely) Well to my astonishment he left. Checked into a motel close to work and has been there since.
History on my husband. He is an Alcoholic and I believe he has mental problems also. He has been drinking 1/2 liter or more of Scotch or Vodka just to sleep at night because of his stresful job (he is a Systems analyst for a large company)Well when my dh comes home from work I am a total wacked out case. I do not know how to act, and I try to keep our precious 2yr old out of his way(although my son things his daddy hung the moon and wants his attention the moment he walks through the door) which my dh cannot handle. If i try to ask just a simple question about daily life or circumstances I get a response of "Damnit honey, I have been answering questions all day can u give it a rest?" Ok this makes me feel like I cannnot communicate with him at all w/o him striking me down. His drinking has become worse and I have resorted to drinking just to tolerate him or to get along w/ him. Well this has made me mooding and a bit cocky(if those are the right words). I am tired of walking on eggshells. My son feels the tension in this house and he shows out (being bad etc....)It especially hurts him when daddy tells him daddy can't play (even for 5 minutes) Well this pisses me off to no end. My 2yr needs his daddy and he is pushing this baby further away.
Ok , since my hubby left he has decided to quit drinking and stay at this motel for 30 days to dry out b/c he desn't think he can do it here with us. Withdrawl symptoms etc.....My hubby is on Coumadin (blood thinners) for a blood clot in his lung we found last year. So he went to his Dr and told him his plan and the dr has to work with him on his protime (blood count). He also put him on lexapro and klonopin(sp)He is to see him in 2 weeks.Also the dr suggested a shrink. So this happened Wednesday. Well Mon & Tues he had a drunkin blow out with 2 of his cousins (who are nothing but drunks) Ok this kinda urked me but hey I let it go. He said Wed would be the DAY to stop. According to him he hasn't had a drop. He said it was rough thursday night. Cravings I guess. Well a dear friend of ours just delivered a beautiful baby girl Thursday night so Dh and I met at the hospital to go see the baby. Well as we were leaving he said he had to go to his cousins house to drop off a car he was driving and then back to the motel to TRY to sleep.. OK this sent me through the roof. She is the type that will not let you leave her house without at least a shot of Vodka and will hound you till you do so. I did not say a word. But I stewed the whole drive home to pick up OUR 2yr old to take him to a xmas parade (that daddy had no desire to attend w/ us) I am doing everything in my power to keep this precious innocent child happy. Do you know what we are telling him about daddy being gone??????? Get this......."Daddy's Working" Ackkkkkk what a crock.
My thinking is my husband is not telling me the truth and is still drinking. I told him when he decided this that we were going to work on each of us getting better (my story is a whole diffrent chapter.)Then we will work on our marriage.
I know I cannot make him stop drinking. I know he has to be the one to decide. It just hurts me that he is possibly lying to me just to shut me up. I want to believe him but when he said he was going by cousins house It raised BIG RED FLAG....
ok that is my story for now. any insight from anyone will be helpful.
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
I told him when he decided this that we were going to work on each of us getting better (my story is a whole diffrent chapter.)Then we will work on our marriage.
It took Mr Magic a while to get straight, and we struggled for a long time. But I stuck with Al-Anon. I worked the steps, learned the tools, and got a lot of support.
When I told him I was going to work on me, he asked "What about us?" I told him that there wasn't going to be any us if I didn't get some help. I also told him that if we were supposed to be together, we would be. But I didn't have control over that. I was too far gone to focus on an "us".
It hasn't been easy to stick with it. My old ways of dealing with things might have been rotten, but they were comfortable. Trying new things was scary, uncomfortable, and clumsy. But with the support of my Al-Anon sponsor and group, and the tools that I was learning, I got through it. I have gotten a new perspective on my life. I have learned to love and take care of myself. The gifts are many.
What you are embarking on is a tough road, but if you go through with it, you will find serenity and even happiness. Hugs, Magic
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
Rckbottom - Hun I see red flags going up all over the place here. He is going to do whatever he is going to do. Everything he has already done is just that DONE, over can't be changed. Now is the time to find yourself and how you can make you happy. My gut tells me there is a piece of the puzzle missing here. Your higher power will walk through this with you. I hope you find peace and happiness.
Hugs,
Ms. B
Hugs,
Ms. B
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Rckbottom welcome to SR!
You are at a fork in the road. You can either take the path that is more of the past or you can choose to begin working on you. This is a great opportunity for you, with him out of the house right now.
If a relationship is going to change it has to start somewhere and since you are the one who sees it you need to be the one to go forward. There is no guarantee that the two of you will go into the future hand in hand so you may as well find some peace for yourself and therefore your child.
People with adult child issues commonly find themselves in unhealthy relationships. Step 0 is making the decision to get healthy yourself.
Hugs,
JT
You are at a fork in the road. You can either take the path that is more of the past or you can choose to begin working on you. This is a great opportunity for you, with him out of the house right now.
If a relationship is going to change it has to start somewhere and since you are the one who sees it you need to be the one to go forward. There is no guarantee that the two of you will go into the future hand in hand so you may as well find some peace for yourself and therefore your child.
People with adult child issues commonly find themselves in unhealthy relationships. Step 0 is making the decision to get healthy yourself.
Hugs,
JT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Oakland, TN
Posts: 3
My old ways of dealing with things might have been rotten, but they were comfortable
I feel like you did NOW> Your post inspires me more now than ever. I grew up w/ an alcoholic father and little did I know that the way I am is because of it. Granted my father has been sober 10yrs now. I am what you call a social drinker and have never been dependent on alcohol. But 6 yrs ago I was in a relationship and I was ADDICTED to cocaine (for 4yrs). i beat that addiction when I left the sorry ******* who introduced me to the crap in the first place. It was a hard thing to beat but I did it ALONE. I also had a lot of support from friends that helped alot. I have the "addictive gene" you hear so many say. I do have an addictive personality but you know alcohol has never done anything for me. Yea I can drink but I do not have to have it every single day.I do not see myself being a drunk. Every relationship I have been in has been dysfunctional and abnormal, I am attracted to this type. Sometimes I do not know what is normal in a relationship. To me it has been chaos. I am not happy unless I am unhappy about something..ugh!!!!! This sux. I am ready to find the real me and live a pleasant life.
I go to my first ACOA meeting Sunday @ 6 and I am going to a Codependency Support group on Wednesday.
I am glad I found this place. I hope you all can shed some light on all this for me because this is real scary for me. I am almost too scared to try because living the way I live is so comfortable.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Oakland, TN
Posts: 3
If a relationship is going to change it has to start somewhere and since you are the one who sees it you need to be the one to go forward. There is no guarantee that the two of you will go into the future hand in hand so you may as well find some peace for yourself and therefore your child.
I am to this point. I want to be a healthy person. So I am choosing to work on ME.
Dee at Mt Bully
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Placerville, Ca
Posts: 251
RR good for you. Going to meetings and working on yourself is the best thing you can do for you and your baby. Maybe your husband will see the changes in you and decide to make some himself but don't bank on that. Put yourself first. I have the standard AA
parents and disfunctional background--seems like most of us have some piece of AA
insanity in our background. This sight is the best thing to happen to me. Every day
something that someone writes hits home and helps me inch along. Right now my AH is
in denial mode and we live in two different houses. He may or may not be drinking--
but he is not getting any help so sober or wet he's still a drunk. RR I really hope you
find some help here--keep coming back.--Smiles--Dee
parents and disfunctional background--seems like most of us have some piece of AA
insanity in our background. This sight is the best thing to happen to me. Every day
something that someone writes hits home and helps me inch along. Right now my AH is
in denial mode and we live in two different houses. He may or may not be drinking--
but he is not getting any help so sober or wet he's still a drunk. RR I really hope you
find some help here--keep coming back.--Smiles--Dee
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
