rainyengland

Brilliant !! 78 days down the drain , good going me 👍🏻

knew it was coming , the text earlier in week that I blocked , unblocked , blocked , unblocked

fed up of everything , both my siblings get to see mum but I can’t as youngest with no say , havnt see mum since March !! Kids seriously need to be back in school ..lousy excuses to start drinking again but I’m so BORED with it all ...who cares anyway ??? I’m 53 , done my life ..as far as I can see all my best times involved alcohol anyway to blot out the mundane crap

mess !!

rainyengland

Actually 74 days , apologies all

BeABetterMan

Well that sucks that you’re feeling defeated. Getting sober and having to face life head on is god damned hard I don’t care what anyone tells you. And whether it is worth it is a decision you have to make for yourself. I, like you, think some of my best times were had under the influence. But I KNOW that my worst times were. The shame, the guilt, the depression and anxiety that accompanied my drinking was almost too much to bear at the end. Physically and mentally my life hung in the balance. Everything was being taken from me and all I could do was get another bottle. It wasn’t working anymore. The pain was too much. The pleasure too little. So here I sit on day 35, not thrilled, not joyous. But I’m not clinging to life. I’m not wondering how I can go on. I’m not feeling sorry for myself. Today I’m not a victim of myself or my circumstances.

I hope you can renew your drive to change your life. I hope that sobriety is worth it to you. Best wishes Engalnd.

least

I'm sorry you drank. I hope you don't carry on drinking. I found that altho drinking does 'blot out the mundane crap' for a while, it comes back when the alcohol wears off, and it comes back with a hangover.

Whatever problems you have to deal with, drinking won't make them any better.

nez

I was 50 when I finally got sober after numerous attempts. I am 67 now. Prior to getting and staying sober, like you, I thought all my best times involved alcohol. I found out that was because I had no experience with being sober so I had no idea what a best time really was. Sobriety has exceeded my wildest expectations. I have done things in sobriety that I had only previously drunkenly dreamed about. Sobriety has truly set me free from the mundane.

Silver11

I messed up recently after 232 days.
it felt horrible.
brush yourself off. Let’s do this

ZIP

Rainy', the pressures of 2020 are downright exhausting. As a US west coast guy, I am so sick of face masks, distancing, closures, layoffs, grocery shortages, wildfires, riots, politics, etc. It's like living in bizarro world.
But, you know what? I made a promise to myself that I would no longer drink. And I made that promise before the pandemic started. And I intend to keep it.
As these other kind posters noted, alcohol won't improve anything. Personally, I won't let the bad crap win.
I rooted for you and continue to do so. You have a lot of sober days, so it's time to start right back up AF.

Dee74

Hey RE
You know how to get sober - you've done it several times - now its time to get sober again and move onto the next level.

Your rocket has left the surface of Planet Addiction several times.
This time you need to achieve escape velocity.

Drinking will have had no effect at all on all those things you drank over - you can use this next time as a weapon against your inner addict.

First step tho is to stop again and make sure your house is dry...

D

Kaily

I have been following your progress and uplifting posts, displaying your absolute pleasure at being sober. Some struggles too I know. But overall pride.

I didn't get sober until I was 55, it was not easy. I gave up a self medicated life that I had always known. I am learning afresh how to deal with highs and lows of life soberly. I'll take mundane, over a chaotic drunken mess any day.

Don't give up now RE.

b0glerd69

You can do it again, mate. Get back on the wagon today. You know if you keep drinking it will get steadily worse. We are with you.

Wastinglife

I understand. Sometimes being sober is worse than being a drunk. I don't feel the hopelessness and loneliness as long as have alcohol in my system. Sober life is a void of nothingness. 10 years I have been trying to rebuild my life. Sobriety doesn't change anything to be honest.

I have an interest in military history, particularly world War 2. It was common among German and Russian generals to shoot themselves if they had lost a battle. It was a way for them to save a bit of dignity by taking responsibility. I often have ideations about suicide as a way to preserve what dignity I have left before I end up homeless, which could very well happen in the near future.

Hodd

I’m 51, and you know it’s just wrong to think 53 is too old, etc. Sorry Rainy, but that sounds like another excuse to drink. I really feel for you, though. I’m really sorry too to hear you say the only good times involved drinking. Try and change that then and do something you like which doesn’t/can’t involve drinking. Hope you’re feeling better soon. Take care.

Be123

Whoa there young man! You are certainly not totally useless, and those 74 days are not down the drain! This drug is a mean mofo and it has done to you what it has done to millions of people across thousands of years.

But you know how to get sober; you know you can get through days, weeks and months sober; the last 74 days have been an amazing practice run. And your body and brain thank you for giving them the relief of all this time sober.

Someone on here posted something good: when you feel you want to drink, try to drill down on what you are FEELING. This is really working for me...quite often I experience a thought about drinking and when I stop and reflect I realise I am fearful of something, or unhappy. I am SO SO SO programmed to treat these emotions with alcohol that I dont even notice the feeling, I just notice the thought to drink, but when I do notice the feeling the drinking thoughts go away. Thanks to whoever posted that, it is great advice

(If you have watched Gavin and Stacey, RainyEngland, then I think the first two sentences are enhanced by imagining it being delivered in a stern 'Uncle Bryn' voice, like he is giving you a talking to!)

rainyengland

Hi , very embarrassed about posting here after I drank ..what a idiot I am 😫

day one again, least I’ll hopefully avoid the terrible withdrawal

I don’t know how to fight it once I get into decent time , knew it was coming yesterday and nothing I had could stop it , I’m so annoyed with myself

Dee74

Obviously you had things bothering you that needed more effort than one thread to work out RE.
Thats not putting you down either, most of us underestimate what it will take to stay sober....

As long as you have other things to add to the 'things to do' list next time you feel that way, you can determine a better outcome for yourself.

start building that list/plan right away
D

Sober45

RE, I think we need to listen to what Nez says. I’m looking at my recovery as a process that could take at least the next few years. With that understanding, my expectations are lower and I’m not craving.

rainyengland

Thanks everyone , right! New chapter , no dwelling on past anymore

it’s not down the drain - I’ve learned from it with reflection this morning and need to be a lot stronger with myself and others !!

and having a stern talking from uncle Bryn has worked I think ..you wouldn’t know if there is another Xmas special would you bryn ?? 😇

Be123

Great RE, that sounds much more positive. It really is in your hands - plan what you're going to do today, do not give alcohol a look in.

And if I was you (we are all different!) I would eat eat eat 👍

Porridge for breakfast....?

Sober45

Awesome...that's how we do it!

ImNotThatGuy

Hey rainy, welcome back to Day One. I know exactly how you felt when you decided to drink. Have been right there myself many times during the pandemic. Thanks for the reminder to mind my tendency to slip into nihilism, and good luck to you.