Need a Gay sponsor
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6
Need a Gay sponsor
New member. Been in A.A 31 years----25 years as being a Straight male. In the last five years I have realized that I am Gsy and it has been difficult to accept that. I have gone to a few Gay meetings and that has been uncomfortable. I need advice in how to accept being a Gay member of AA and begin to feel comfotable at Gay meetings. It would be helpful to have a Gay sponsor, but that has been difficult to acomplish. Suggetions-Please.
Welcome, yag!
My best advice is to read around and post on this forum. That will help us get to know you. If you find a sponsor, you will probably need to communicate by private message to exchange phone numbers, and you can't do that until you have five posts.
My best advice is to read around and post on this forum. That will help us get to know you. If you find a sponsor, you will probably need to communicate by private message to exchange phone numbers, and you can't do that until you have five posts.
Here's a few threads to join:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post7501273 (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 498)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...pt-22-a-3.html (Occasionally I (we) just like to count our days sober - Pt 22)
This thread actually goes all week. Mags will start a new one in a day or so. https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...eekenders.html (Bouncing into the Weekend Sober 21-24 August Weekenders)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post7501273 (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 498)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...pt-22-a-3.html (Occasionally I (we) just like to count our days sober - Pt 22)
This thread actually goes all week. Mags will start a new one in a day or so. https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...eekenders.html (Bouncing into the Weekend Sober 21-24 August Weekenders)
I hope that you find peace with your sexuality and meetings. We do have a GLBTQ Forum:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/glbtq-recovery/
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/glbtq-recovery/
I found a sponsor by calling my local AA Intergroup office and asking for a contact. We got along and he agreed to sponsor me.
maybe give the gay AA meetings another try? I know with an open mind and heart I eventually like what someone says and connect with them. Best of luck!
maybe give the gay AA meetings another try? I know with an open mind and heart I eventually like what someone says and connect with them. Best of luck!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I am female and my identity and sexual orientation are closest to what's often describe nowadays as queer, and I personally enjoy knowing other people who are similar in this. I have never been a big AAer but when I went to meetings and tried to work with a sponsor in the past, I approached it more from the opposite direction: looked for people I felt comfortable with and could relate to as individuals, and told them about myself. If they reacted to it in a neutral or positive manner, that pretty much cleared them for me in that department, regardless of their own gender identity and sexual preference. Any questioning or judgment: no-no. The one thing that always makes me feel subjectively sick inside, and that was the case in relation to AA and sponsorship as well, is the notion many people have that same-sex/gender people (or any suggested, default pairing) would relate to each-other better universally, and it can be a safer/better combo when it comes to seeking help. That has never been my experience and it is in conflict with my own preferences, so I reject it. I went to AA in person several years ago and luckily where I live, people tend to be more open-minded about this, but I still ran into it and it made me not want to go back to the same community. So what I personally tend to seek in this regard is not a specific gender or sexual orientation, but open-mindedness and understanding of diversity. That's why I personally think it's easier to approach it by being open about myself and seeing how others react to it.
Why do you feel uncomfortable around gay AA members? Are you still in doubt about yourself, perhaps afraid that they would hit on you, or something else?
Why do you feel uncomfortable around gay AA members? Are you still in doubt about yourself, perhaps afraid that they would hit on you, or something else?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6
yag
Thx for replying. The reason I feel uncomforable is that after so many years going to mostly men's meetings and considering myself part of the macho world, it is difficulot to become part of the AA Gay fellowship. It is difficult to fit in with the AA gay fellowship, which I need to do and become active in the fellowship.. That is why I need a Gay sponsor to ease my acceptece who I am and come out.I hope that makes sense.
Hi Yag
I'm not in AA and I'm not gay so I have no experience to help, but I wanted to welcome you here
D
Hi yag, and welcome!
Lesbian and former AAer here. Is there a reason you need to attend a gay AA fellowship specifically? I know I attended 'regular' local meetings that were pretty diverse in terms of male/female, heterosexual/LGBTQ, etc. Although I was comfortable with a queer female sponsor, I knew there were a few gay men in my group who felt comfortable with straight women as their sponsor. I think in the end it really came down to whom people were comfortable with, and that is individual to that person.
I know coming out is different for everyone, and after 25 years I can appreciate the challenge in coming to terms. I hope either way you find the acceptance and support you need.
Lesbian and former AAer here. Is there a reason you need to attend a gay AA fellowship specifically? I know I attended 'regular' local meetings that were pretty diverse in terms of male/female, heterosexual/LGBTQ, etc. Although I was comfortable with a queer female sponsor, I knew there were a few gay men in my group who felt comfortable with straight women as their sponsor. I think in the end it really came down to whom people were comfortable with, and that is individual to that person.
I know coming out is different for everyone, and after 25 years I can appreciate the challenge in coming to terms. I hope either way you find the acceptance and support you need.
queer person here, and i wonder why you feel you need to become part of “gay AA fellowship” and get a gay sponsor?
does it relate to your recent coming out, to confirm it somehow?
in the end, what matters most is that the sponsor has “what you want”, and for me that was what i saw in how my sponsorperson was living their life, by those principles the program espouses.
but i don’t know what you want a sponsor “for”; if your main goal is to have peer support with new, gay peers, you do not need a sponsor for that.
and if you have a sponsor now who happens to be straight and thne kind of person you want for a sponsor, then why try and find someone else?
does it relate to your recent coming out, to confirm it somehow?
in the end, what matters most is that the sponsor has “what you want”, and for me that was what i saw in how my sponsorperson was living their life, by those principles the program espouses.
but i don’t know what you want a sponsor “for”; if your main goal is to have peer support with new, gay peers, you do not need a sponsor for that.
and if you have a sponsor now who happens to be straight and thne kind of person you want for a sponsor, then why try and find someone else?
I’m a heterosexual redneck male and my favorite sponsor of all time was a progressive gay male. I dunno why the sexual orientation would matter. You may consider divorcing the tie between sexuality and AA. Any orientation issues might be best sorted out in a different manner. Good luck!
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