puzzle

Last night my husband was behaving "off". When I asked him about it he brought up things I said and did during my last binge. (OMG, Really, I did those things?! I am a nasty drunk.) I usually like to bury my head in the sand and pretend those days I don't remember never happened. I think he too likes to pretend that once I'm on the other side of the binge that it's "over". Anyway, he wrote these things down, so he wouldn't forget to bring it up when I was "normal". He was very good about how he approached it and we had a long, honest conversation about my addiction (as best as I understand it). I told him about SR, books I was reading and counselling. I always tried to hide these things (Why?, I don't know, embarrassment a bit, but more probably because saying it makes it real?) In the end he was very supportive, agreed to stop having his evening nightcaps on weekdays (I told him I could handle his drinking on weekends mostly because I feel guilty if he can't enjoy himself when he is not the one with the problem - but he said he is willing to, I just need to ask). I also asked him for his pages of writing. I need to keep these close so I can remember what my drinking does when my AV is very convincing. Feeling grateful today.

dpac414

Telling someone else and being 100% honest is really hard, but it is also brave, liberating, and a huge relief (imo). It's good that you and your husband were able to have and open and honest conversation about everything. Hopefully now that he is behind you, you will have extra support and you continue with sobriety.

I've said elsewhere on this forum that shame and guilt live in the darkness and thrive there, like a fungus. It's easy to keep things that way. But when you shine a light in there, they can't live anymore. Something that goes into this in detail is the work of Brene Brown, a social worker who studies shame and vulnerability. She has a special on Netflix called "the call to courage" i think, that may be helpful. I really liked it.

Keep going Puzzle; it seems like you're on a good track.

Sober45

Excellent progress and it sounds like you have a very supportive spouse. You are doing a fantastic job. My spouse is a normal drinker too and he respects that I'm an alcoholic so he does not drink around me. Like you, I don't want him to pay a price for my sobriety.

I have 7 months sober now and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Keep going!

puzzle

Thank you sober45. I will check it out.

puzzle

Thank you, and I will!

Anna

I think denial is a huge part of alcoholism, but it's good that you had that difficult conversation.

I'm glad that your husband is being supportive.

anxiousrock

I know how this feels...it took me a long time to tell my fiance about SR etc.
My fiance rarely drinks, but he eats bad food in front of me and I'm trying to lose weight . So I understand it's hard to have something around that you want. It sucks.

Dee74

I'm glad you cleared the air puzzle

D

LumenandNyx

Hi there,

How corncoolio is your husband?! He sounds like a great guy.
My Dad quit drinking for his wife (my stepmom) entirely and never looked back. Now ------ that kind of support is invaluable. You can't find that in a store!

Best.

NerfThis

One of the main reasons I gave up two years ago was because I would say absolutely awful things to my husband while drunk and I just couldn't deal with being like that any more.
He still drinks normally around me, but it doesn't trigger me in any way. The fact is, his drinking experiences are very different from my ones, so it's not like if I drank, I'd have the experience he has. I'd just continue to drink insane amounts for three days straight until became a sniveling wreck.

MaximusD

I had a similar conversation with my wife a few times. Just kind of open and honest etc. We both know which way this is headed if I don't get this right. She is supportive but really it is on us. My wife hardly drinks and could/would leave it if I asked her but I don't really care. If she was a problem drinker as well I would though. She can have alcohol in the house if she wants and I wont touch it.

Wastinglife

I'm single and live alone. All my drinking is alone so I don't have a witness to fill me in on my behavior. I go to bars alone and spend quite a bit of money but not remember which bar I was at. I was arrested a few months ago and have no memory of what I did. I can't even remember what the officer said or my trip to the ER. My building manager called my father and filled him in that I was yelling in the hallway or something. No recollection at all.

I've been arrested many times. Drunk disorderly type things. Should be enough to get me to quit but addiction is far more powerful than the guilt of being arrested. I drink the next day after getting out of the ER or jail. Just not a deterrent for an alcoholic like me.