CloudyDays

Hi guys. It's been a long time since I've posted here. I've been up and down. But I'm back at it. As long as I'm still here, I have a chance to try again I suppose. I'm working on day 7.

So I do well all day for the most part. But right around 6pm the invasive thoughts start circling. Will I drink? If so, what lies do I need to tell to go drink? What time should I do it? and on and on. I have this back and forth internal battle for like 3 hours every night trying to talk myself into and out of drinking. If I can make it until about 9pm I'm pretty safe. And I know from my previous experience of being sober for about ten years, I won't have to face this battle every night. Eventually, subtly, it decreases. But this time around, and I'm only on day 7, the 3 hour nightly screaming match in my head is so brutal.

I guess I'm wondering if anyone can relate? And if anyone has any suggestions on how to fill that time? I work out in the morning so can't do that. But I'm at a loss on how to handle these few hours and I'm really scared that sometime soon, they will be my downfall.

Any thoughts or advice is really, truly appreciated. Thanks so much.

LumenandNyx

Hi,

Have you thought about driving out to nature and just screaming obscenities' at the AV at the top of your lungs for about 10-15 minutes? That might help.

Otherwise, it might be helpful to develop a routine around that time each night. Keep doing the same things until they become habit. An example might look like: make dinner, eat it, read for an hour, call the kids, walk the dog or yourself, color (adult coloring books rock), log in here. Then go to bed. Build a fun routine that brings in the things you love to do.

Best.

doggonecarl

The battle is for three hours because you've chosen to engage your addiction for three hours. You don't drink. That's your stance. No need to argue. So don't.

Anna

For me, the difficult time was around 7pm, as I cleaned up after supper. So, I started getting out of the house and walking for miles. I can't tell you how much it helped me physically, mentally and spiritually. And, accept fully that drinking is no longer an option, ever.

biminiblue

Yeah, I'm with Carl.

It's not a discussion. Your addictive voice whines. It's up to you to say, "Not listening." Getting into a three hour argument sounds exhausting.

Asked and answered.

If you've quit drinking because of someone else (you say you'd have to make up a story to go drink...) then I'd also suggest you make the Decision that it's the best thing for YOU - not that other person.

least

When I was in early recovery and had the urge to drink, I would walk my dogs. By the time we got home, the urge to drink had passed and I felt better for the walk.

AlbaSober

I like to walk outdoors listening to music until there shops close.

Mental how "I hate drink at 10am" Turns into "I might drink at 12pm" as we offer freedom to the brain turns into "Ok 1 last time at 6pm"

A classic sign the alcohol is in control and not the end-user.

boreas

After work I usually went to the store, then came home and drank on an empty stomach while I cooked food I might not end up eating.

I started shopping for the week, and made meals ahead. I went straight home, ate right away, and went out for a walk. I also made a point of doing as much activity as I could so I was exhausted at the end of the day. I went to bed early, cutting down on the empty hours.

Like others have said...anything to break the routine. That made way for new, healthy habits.
Keep going!
-bora

Eddiebuckle

AA might not be your thing, but I would suggest finding a 6pm zoom meeting and make attending it a habit. Being around people who are actively working their program is better than being alone during the witching hours. Hang in there, it does get easier with time.

NONIA

Maybe watch a movie to cheer you up , or listen to some music ?

MythOfSisyphus

How are you doing now, CloudyDays? When I realized it was only a matter of time before drinking killed me I had the good fortune to discover AVRT. I made my Big Plan- I will never drink again and I will never change my mind. The method teaches you to recognize the "Beast Voice" or AV as a voice in your head separate from your true, rational mind. It can whisper in your ear but it can't move a single finger on your hand. I won't pretend it was always easy but it was doable. If that voice in my head got too loud I'd take a walk or do something.

You have been trying for a long time but you won't fail as long as you keep it up.

C0ntr0ls

My method is water, food [Something sweet most of the time] and a physical activity. It does not matter how trivial the activity is.

Oh and a head shake like erasing an etch-sketch to get rid of the AV.

YMMV and good luck!

Haris2014

I have a few things I like doing at the witching hour, and it kind of distracts me (most of the time)
1. Yoga ( I am rubbish at it but it does put a smile on my face)
2. Walking, not just a random walk, I plan my route, what I want to go and see in the area I live even if I have to drive a few miles to get there.
3. A new one for me but practising mindfulness or meditation
4. My favourite is working out all the money I have saved, then paying bills, doing my accounts, buying myself something I wouldn’t have if I was smashed out my face drunk.
5. At the beginning I entered loads of Free online competitions, signed up for free things and write reviews of them
6. Filled out Online surveys For companies.. it can pay a small amount too
7. Do a lot of cooking, batch cooking.. you can waste hours looking for recipes, making a week long menu plan
8. new hobbies ( since lockdown I have taken up fishing And yoga as mentioned above)
9. A lot of universities have actually put up free online courses to do, will find some links.

good luck, it’s a lot of effort but I am finding there is a lot more to me than being a bar fly or a secret drinker..

Hodd

^ Yoga, you’re not as bad as me, but I’m having individual lessons and improving.

Cloudy, the cravings don’t last for three hours. You know that. How about brushing your teeth as a quick fix? Not many things taste good after toothpaste. Occupying your mind away from the craving is key. Walk, drive, run .

Bonnefond87

Carl is right of course but perhaps another more positive way to look at it is that for the other 21 hrs you are Ok. I think that's a big positive and you can build on it.

thomas11

I would go to my bedroom and turn on the tv....and stay there until morning.

Sober45

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this after 10 years sober. That is rough but now you know how important it is to not stray away from sobriety. It is easy to become complacent since our brains are wired to tuck away traumatic experiences like drinking trauma. Lesson learned, right?

I had to replace the urge with something. Sugary drinks plus some binge watching on tv. Dark chocolate. Anything but alcohol. And like the other's have said, fighting the battle is a choice, you can turn your attention to something else.

I also did some really deep breathing. Still do.

I look forward to seeing you overcome this. And when you do, you'll be well positioned to help others with all that experience.

CloudyDays

Thanks for all the replies. I do appreciate it.
I am confused by something though. Honestly, I'm trying to understand. One person said my cravings don't last 3 hours. And someone else said it lasts 3 hours because I'm choosing to engage in my addiction. I've thought a lot about this today. I swear it doesn't feel like a choice. The time of day. The amount of time... Simply saying I don't drink and trying to move on doesn't help me (right now at least). I'm trying to grasp this and I'm not. And it makes me sad. I don't know.
Anyway, thank you everyone.

Sober45

Even though it doesn't feel like a choice, I believe it is. Sometimes, good choices are the hardest to make. That is what the addictive voice does to us, it fools us into thinking drinking is the only way but it is not. You came here for a reason.

Simply saying I don't drink and trying to move on didn't work for me either, CloudyDays. I had to ACTIVELY seek out information in order to convince myself drinking is no good. Some of the things I did:
-I watched documentaries about alcoholism.
-I studied up on what alcohol is doing to society and the health care system.
-I looked at big liquor corporations and realized they are getting rich off of my addiction.
-I learned about my subconscious (AV) vs conscious mind (thinking brain).
-I engaged in things that I wasn't doing while drinking: laundry, outings with daughter, shopping etc. By doing these things, I get to see some results for my efforts which makes being sober rewarding.
-I found replacements: cream soda, chocolate.
-Above all: I did not let the urge speak to me. Instead, I did the above and repeated to myself "one day at a time".

If this were easy, alcoholism would not be the catastrophic problem that it is in society.

You can do this!

DriGuy

I can relate. I was OK at work, and never craved a drink. But after work, the obsession would start in, and I would have that nightly battle you describe. Unlike you, I would lose the battle every time, and get drunk. If you are not craving at work, it sounds like you may be so preoccupied with the task at hand, that you are not focusing on your addiction, and maybe you need something after work to act as a substitute.

After work is your leisure time, so it ought to be something you enjoy. What happened to me was that I totally blundered on to a satisfying substitute. After getting through 5 Hellish days without a drink on my own, a record accomplishment for me, I made it to my first AA meeting, which were always held at 8:00 PM every night in my small town. I was terrified when I walked it, but found people to be unusually welcoming, a bit possessed with the higher power stuff for me, but sincerely wanting to help, and very friendly. I had already made contingency plans to buy a bottle after the meeting, but afterwards, I just drove past the bar and went home.

That resulted in a realization that all I had to do was make it through 2 hours after work every night. It was easy not to drink for 2 hours while getting ready for the next meeting. The one hour of meeting in an alcohol free environment while celebrating sobriety was psychologically intoxicating. It wasn't just occupying my free time. I was centering my nights around something that got me through that night and the next day, filled me with gratitude, and freed me from that God awful thinking about alcohol. After a couple of weeks, the cravings became passing thoughts rather than continual battles, and I may have been ready to do it on my own. But honestly, I enjoyed the meetings and learned a lot from the discussions, so I kept it up thinking there might be some wisdom in AA's mantra of 90 meetings in 90 days.

As I made friends in the group, that 90 days became a few years, although I knew I was done drinking after a month of that first meeting. I'm not pushing AA, never took the spiritual part seriously, and disagreed with much of the philosophy, but some way to seriously engage yourself in recovery might work equally well. I found sobriety so pleasurable that engaging in a nightly celebration with a group that treasured sobriety, seemed to be a thing that I needed because it was directly related to my immediate goal of staying sober.

So I suggest you find something to do that is more rewarding than battling a nightly obsession. There's more to do after you are "good and quit" of course. There's a lot of personal growth and adjusting to a normal life, but something like the above this seems like it might be a good place to start.