GreenStar26

Hi everyone...

So as much as i was positive I still ended up taking a drink. Then I made it another 3 days before I drank again (tonight) As much as i am adamant In my wants and needs i somehow seem to wind up back here...Completely by choice - I was feeling really good but I still found it in me to go to the shop and buy wine.

I've made it longer than this before and tbh I only had intense withdrawals the first day so maybe it made it easier to fall back into old habits but I honestly HONESTLY want to be sober and to work on myself. I guess for me its been hard feeling lonely and alone - I know i only have to reach out to you guys but I guess i just havent got over that point of feeling like a burden etc...

I've spent so many years of my life supporting others it just doesn't come easy to reach out to others or to feel so vulnerable...In positive, I have accepted (95%) that my previous relationship is over...Its still raw and the memories/future plans are still there but im trying to work through it as each day passes.

I know it comes down to me and the choices I make...I know i chose to get wine tonight and honestly at this point i have no reason to choose it. I had counselling/therapy before and mentally I feel pretty good (apart from alcohol withdrawals which i know is very hypocritical) The only thing i can put it down to is feeling lonely and probably the guilt of everything. I've been very open with family but its tough and im just struggling to manage atm.

Thank you for all your ongoing support and posts- I do see them and I do appreciate them ❤

MaximusD

Good job coming back here! There is nothing wrong with coming here for support and it sounds like your head is screwed on straight and you aren't making excuses. This means you are damn close to getting it. Might have a false start but you got this. Keep trying and posting here. Anything you learned from this last time?

Robbie64

The only thing you can do is to keep trying. I think most of us here have had false starts but I find posting here really does work. Being in a forum where everyone understands how hard it is to stop and stay stopped really does help. It might sound like a cliche but keep posting here as it does work.

Dee74

I'm glad you made it nack
I don't think there's any short cuts - you just have to use all the support you have when drinking seems like a really good Idea -cos it's not.

least

Our beloved CarolD used to say that you must want to be sober more than you want to drink. There's still a part of you that wants to drink. I hope you'll use the resources here to help you get and stay sober for good.

Hevyn

I'm glad to see you, GreenStar. Sometimes it takes us a few tries to really get started on our new, sober life. It's a habit we've fallen back on for a long time.
You're our friend & we're here to listen and help. We know you can do this.

Misssy2

I empathize with your feelings.
I am also 95% done with a past relationship that was very important to me.
On top of losing my Dad that I took care of for 2 years.
On top of losing my sister.
On top of losing my Mother..all of this in 1.5 years....

I feel like LONELY is not a strong enough word....I will tell you what my therapist said to me...because it is the only "hope" I have left (to possibly keep me from drinking) after going thru so much this past year and then...on top of that being in the hospital 1/2 dead at least 2x myself this year due to alcohol....

My therapist says: Look for reasons to NOT DRINK....vs. looking for reasons to drink. I was lucky she didn't use the word "excuses" to drink...because I feel we have valid "REASONS" some of us want to numb/drink over.

When you said 'I want to work on myself"....That is all I ever wanted to (I was always the caretaker as well)

It finally just "hit" me couldn't work on myself...I was not giving myself much of a chance to either because I was..bouncing back and fourth from sober to drunk...most I could get sober in 6 years was 2 weeks (well 2018 I had 8 months).

I have 30 days now....I don't know HOW I am not drinking....I am empty inside...but I do know I am doing everything in my power to not drink because we can't work on ourselves when we are always drunk or hungover.

The first couple of weeks are like a rollercoaster...give yourself a chance to get by the first couple of weeks, when you say "work on yourself "what is it you want to work on?

Keep that thought in mind..."manifest it"....

Make a goal to get past the longest time you went and do whatever that "thing" or "things" are to START helping yourself to be healthy....