Debby

Without my pills now I feel wonderful, no more pain I have more energy. But why am I using cocaine, Its only been about 5 times, but I just bought a bag. I look at old pictues of myself with out any drugs and I wonder what happened to her. She was beautiful, fun and lite up a room just walking into it.

Am I not ready because I am very scared? Scared that the world will pass me by being sober? Its like when I am sober I feel so alone in a room with either one or fifty people. But when I am high, I feel like I fit in, I laugh and joke around with everyone. But I know its fake and temporary. I am just so SCARED at everything.

I just feel like I wanna go home, but I am home. (Does that make sense?)
Please Help me.
Thanks
Debby

Paulie

Yes it make sense, perfect sense to me.

Are you ready? I don't know, only you know that. Have you thought about 12 step meetings? I know the support of a group has saved my behind a few times.

MootPoint

Welcome Debby,

Only you can decide whether you are ready or not. I hope you decide that you are ready.

Dan

Makes big sense to me, wanting to go home.
It's only after I cleaned up that I understood it though...
Active addiction is a desolate, alien place for a human being.
It never, ever works forever.
You start the trip home by dumping the bag.
It might be the hardest thing you ever did.
But you won't regret it.
We promise.

sherbear5104

I have to agree with the others. You are the only one that can decide if you are ready. Have you hurt enough? Have you lost enough? Do you want a new way of life bad enough? It took my addiction bringing me to all these stages, and more, before I was ready. I pray that you want it. Life is better now than it was ever was when I was partying!!