Second time lucky??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 28
Second time lucky??
Hi everyone 
So...I was originally here as steph1h2 but I've decided to come back and start a fresh!
What a few months its been...I was so determined back then and felt like i could take on the world but in time that changed and i fell back into a slump.
I know now that i absolutely didnt reach out enough or take advantage of the support network that you guys have...
The drinking reduced dramatically but my main struggle now is managing my own emotions in regard to myself. I know i dont give myself enough credit and In turn that makes me struggle with forming new relationships etc...Which is partly why I'm back. I know that not drinking at all is what i need and in turn I know that even after just a couple of weeks without alcohol I start to feel a lot better about myself but panic always makes me turn back to it.
I recently lost a very dear relationship due to my lack of confidence and self belief. I lied to her and I drank outside in the car just so I could be a bit more of a buzz and more fun etc...Silly i know because she knew the sober me and was never dissapointed before but the panic took over and i am so full of regret.
Im trying not to dwell on it though and i am putting positive practices into play - Im in Ireland for the next couple of nights so I fully intend on making the most of the beautiful scenery and good food. Im also going to start a gratitude journal because its so easy to forget about all the blessings. This past week I have put myself through hell with the guilt, embarrasment, hurt and an abundance of other negative emotions to the point where I literally felt like i was drowning but I have to own this and take control. Feeling like that is no way to live.
Yes I messed up and yes I've probably lost an amazing relationship forever but I have to deal with that and I have to live with me for the rest of my time so I need to focus on myself and what I need to move forward.
Im honestly so done with alcohol and all the rubbish that comes with it - I just need to remember this after a couple of weeks when "drink doesn't seem quite so bad anymore" It is bad...Always bad and i just need to be mindful of that and how toxic it is.
Im going to post here more often - I did post a lot on others threads before but i think along with that i do need to focus on myself also and make the commitment to myself.
I hope you're all doing okay and that the past few months haven't been too crazy for you. Really looking forward to chatting with everyone again and hopefully being a good support ❤
So...I was originally here as steph1h2 but I've decided to come back and start a fresh!
What a few months its been...I was so determined back then and felt like i could take on the world but in time that changed and i fell back into a slump.
I know now that i absolutely didnt reach out enough or take advantage of the support network that you guys have...
The drinking reduced dramatically but my main struggle now is managing my own emotions in regard to myself. I know i dont give myself enough credit and In turn that makes me struggle with forming new relationships etc...Which is partly why I'm back. I know that not drinking at all is what i need and in turn I know that even after just a couple of weeks without alcohol I start to feel a lot better about myself but panic always makes me turn back to it.
I recently lost a very dear relationship due to my lack of confidence and self belief. I lied to her and I drank outside in the car just so I could be a bit more of a buzz and more fun etc...Silly i know because she knew the sober me and was never dissapointed before but the panic took over and i am so full of regret.
Im trying not to dwell on it though and i am putting positive practices into play - Im in Ireland for the next couple of nights so I fully intend on making the most of the beautiful scenery and good food. Im also going to start a gratitude journal because its so easy to forget about all the blessings. This past week I have put myself through hell with the guilt, embarrasment, hurt and an abundance of other negative emotions to the point where I literally felt like i was drowning but I have to own this and take control. Feeling like that is no way to live.
Yes I messed up and yes I've probably lost an amazing relationship forever but I have to deal with that and I have to live with me for the rest of my time so I need to focus on myself and what I need to move forward.
Im honestly so done with alcohol and all the rubbish that comes with it - I just need to remember this after a couple of weeks when "drink doesn't seem quite so bad anymore" It is bad...Always bad and i just need to be mindful of that and how toxic it is.
Im going to post here more often - I did post a lot on others threads before but i think along with that i do need to focus on myself also and make the commitment to myself.
I hope you're all doing okay and that the past few months haven't been too crazy for you. Really looking forward to chatting with everyone again and hopefully being a good support ❤
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 466
Originally Posted by GreenStar26 
struggle with forming new relationships ... even after just a couple of weeks without alcohol I start to feel a lot better about myself
I can relate with this as I struggle with these things too (partly why I drank too). You will start to feel better about yourself as the days go by. Sobriety really does help with those things (at least that's what I'm finding so far, I'm sure it will be the same for you)
You'll find great support here, stick around
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Welcome back GreenStar! I've found the relationship with myself is so important as I move forwards in sobriety. I tell myself, if I care for me, why would I put a powerful neuro-toxin, carcinogen and depressant, into my body.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Welcome back GreenStar. Are you still drinking? Let us know how that is going and maybe plan to quit?
Relationships . . . I'd say maybe until there is a wide-spread COVID vaccine and some herd immunity, maybe take that time (a year+) to get sober and figure out the many many worthy things about yourself. Drinking so that you can be a stand-up comedian means you'll never be a stand-up comedian. So what? There is little else that attracts healthy people to you more than confidence in who you are, healthy and calm - and I really don't think you can be any of those things drinking.
Relationships . . . I'd say maybe until there is a wide-spread COVID vaccine and some herd immunity, maybe take that time (a year+) to get sober and figure out the many many worthy things about yourself. Drinking so that you can be a stand-up comedian means you'll never be a stand-up comedian. So what? There is little else that attracts healthy people to you more than confidence in who you are, healthy and calm - and I really don't think you can be any of those things drinking.
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Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: I'm sitting right here ...
Posts: 918
"my main struggle now is managing my own emotions in regard to myself."
...
"I recently lost a very dear relationship due to my lack of confidence and self belief. I lied to her and I drank outside in the car just so I could be a bit more of a buzz and more fun etc..."
It never ceases to amaze and remind me just how much we want to right a wrong during our first few days sober. How regretful and guilty we feel. When - those feelings never last. Old triggers change our moods and I've never met one person - myself included - who went back to read what they wrote in those sober journals. I still have mine, I'm sober now, and I still haven't read them!
I'm not trying to be discouraging, I'm trying to share with you that the situation you're in emotionally (I'm no Dr.) is going to pass. And once it does - life - for you - will resume - whatever that looks like.
Just stop drinking. That's all you have to do. Go through withdrawal (if necessary) and then get back up and start marching forward again. Feelings come and go. Your sobriety doesn't have to.
...
"I recently lost a very dear relationship due to my lack of confidence and self belief. I lied to her and I drank outside in the car just so I could be a bit more of a buzz and more fun etc..."
It never ceases to amaze and remind me just how much we want to right a wrong during our first few days sober. How regretful and guilty we feel. When - those feelings never last. Old triggers change our moods and I've never met one person - myself included - who went back to read what they wrote in those sober journals. I still have mine, I'm sober now, and I still haven't read them!
I'm not trying to be discouraging, I'm trying to share with you that the situation you're in emotionally (I'm no Dr.) is going to pass. And once it does - life - for you - will resume - whatever that looks like.
Just stop drinking. That's all you have to do. Go through withdrawal (if necessary) and then get back up and start marching forward again. Feelings come and go. Your sobriety doesn't have to.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 28
Hi Surrendered...
Not currently drinking and have no intentions to either. Its only day one though as I drank last night. Ive greatly reduced alcohol consumption over the past few months but I know long term that it has to go completely. I cant rely on it any more or use it as a crutch!
Well this is just it...When im sober im still bubbly and chatty etc...I cant really put my finger on what it is that I see so wrong with myself or why I lack in confidence so much. Also, when im sober over longer periods and the anxiety has settled im even more outgoing and much happier.
I never intended to find someone, especially with everything that has been happening. Im trying not to dwell on it and wouldnt be actively looking to date again for a long time.
Not currently drinking and have no intentions to either. Its only day one though as I drank last night. Ive greatly reduced alcohol consumption over the past few months but I know long term that it has to go completely. I cant rely on it any more or use it as a crutch!
Well this is just it...When im sober im still bubbly and chatty etc...I cant really put my finger on what it is that I see so wrong with myself or why I lack in confidence so much. Also, when im sober over longer periods and the anxiety has settled im even more outgoing and much happier.
I never intended to find someone, especially with everything that has been happening. Im trying not to dwell on it and wouldnt be actively looking to date again for a long time.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by owen90
Welcome back
I can relate with this as I struggle with these things too (partly why I drank too). You will start to feel better about yourself as the days go by. Sobriety really does help with those things (at least that's what I'm finding so far, I'm sure it will be the same for you)
You'll find great support here, stick around
I can relate with this as I struggle with these things too (partly why I drank too). You will start to feel better about yourself as the days go by. Sobriety really does help with those things (at least that's what I'm finding so far, I'm sure it will be the same for you)
You'll find great support here, stick around
I know in time it will ease and im doing my best to not dwell on things and get into the mind set of feeling sorry for myself because that isn't going to help anyone! Im so glad things have started to get better for you
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by Tatsy
Welcome back GreenStar! I've found the relationship with myself is so important as I move forwards in sobriety. I tell myself, if I care for me, why would I put a powerful neuro-toxin, carcinogen and depressant, into my body.
Thank you! Absolutely agree...I know ill feel so much better cutting out alcohol completely. I dont even know the long term sober Steph because it has been so many years. Years of my childhood and my entire adult life have been influenced by alcohol so I need to focus on the positives and how I intend to move forward in all aspects.
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Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by MaximusD
I can relate GreenStar and also can relate to the lost relationship. I ended up having much better relationships later on so don't worry, things will get better!
Im sure i will meet someone eventually but its just raw right now and I dont want to be with anybody else...It can't be changed though and we just have to learn to move on and deal with things in a healthy way
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by LumenandNyx
"my main struggle now is managing my own emotions in regard to myself."
...
"I recently lost a very dear relationship due to my lack of confidence and self belief. I lied to her and I drank outside in the car just so I could be a bit more of a buzz and more fun etc..."
It never ceases to amaze and remind me just how much we want to right a wrong during our first few days sober. How regretful and guilty we feel. When - those feelings never last. Old triggers change our moods and I've never met one person - myself included - who went back to read what they wrote in those sober journals. I still have mine, I'm sober now, and I still haven't read them!
I'm not trying to be discouraging, I'm trying to share with you that the situation you're in emotionally (I'm no Dr.) is going to pass. And once it does - life - for you - will resume - whatever that looks like.
Just stop drinking. That's all you have to do. Go through withdrawal (if necessary) and then get back up and start marching forward again. Feelings come and go. Your sobriety doesn't have to.
...
"I recently lost a very dear relationship due to my lack of confidence and self belief. I lied to her and I drank outside in the car just so I could be a bit more of a buzz and more fun etc..."
It never ceases to amaze and remind me just how much we want to right a wrong during our first few days sober. How regretful and guilty we feel. When - those feelings never last. Old triggers change our moods and I've never met one person - myself included - who went back to read what they wrote in those sober journals. I still have mine, I'm sober now, and I still haven't read them!
I'm not trying to be discouraging, I'm trying to share with you that the situation you're in emotionally (I'm no Dr.) is going to pass. And once it does - life - for you - will resume - whatever that looks like.
Just stop drinking. That's all you have to do. Go through withdrawal (if necessary) and then get back up and start marching forward again. Feelings come and go. Your sobriety doesn't have to.
I know all these feelings and emotions will absolutely ease and pass in time but its just raw right now. Ill ride it out though and dust myself off
We all deserve to be happy and healthy...
Im on day one - Anxiety is playing havoc with me but apart from that I don't feel too bad.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by Dee74
Welcome back GreenStar
D
D
I really appreciated all of your wisdom last time and the support from everyone here so im feeling pretty positive. Gonna make it a priority to post daily also!
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
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It's great to have you back, GreenStar.
I did similar self-sabotaging things when I drank. I thought it was making me fun and clever. In reality, I was obnoxious & reckless. It feels so good to be free of it & trust ourselves again. The thing we counted on to enhance our lives did just the opposite. We never need to go back to that miserable place.
I did similar self-sabotaging things when I drank. I thought it was making me fun and clever. In reality, I was obnoxious & reckless. It feels so good to be free of it & trust ourselves again. The thing we counted on to enhance our lives did just the opposite. We never need to go back to that miserable place.
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Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by Hevyn
It's great to have you back, GreenStar.
I did similar self-sabotaging things when I drank. I thought it was making me fun and clever. In reality, I was obnoxious & reckless. It feels so good to be free of it & trust ourselves again. The thing we counted on to enhance our lives did just the opposite. We never need to go back to that miserable place.
I did similar self-sabotaging things when I drank. I thought it was making me fun and clever. In reality, I was obnoxious & reckless. It feels so good to be free of it & trust ourselves again. The thing we counted on to enhance our lives did just the opposite. We never need to go back to that miserable place.
I think i just became more aware of the sober people around me - Even if it was a bottle of wine of an evening rather than the usual 2 or 3 I was still noticing if I stumbled over my words etc...Which in turn caused embarrasment but I just decided to drink more to get past the embarrasment and into the not really caring stage - Until i woke up that is!
I just need to give myself the recovery i deserve. I made a mistake but im a really good person and i dont deserve to beat myself up or to sink into the daily excessive drinking again.
All in good time though 💜
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Hey Steph, welcome back!
I really relate to what you posted. I had to do a lot of work in counselling on those feelings I had about myself and to learn to respect and love myself. I'm not all the way there yet but things have definitely improved. I just couldn't tolerate myself sober, I had such deep seated loathing for myself and that makes me really profoundly sad now, that it took to being 40 to realise I was a good person.
You can do it and we can help you!
I really relate to what you posted. I had to do a lot of work in counselling on those feelings I had about myself and to learn to respect and love myself. I'm not all the way there yet but things have definitely improved. I just couldn't tolerate myself sober, I had such deep seated loathing for myself and that makes me really profoundly sad now, that it took to being 40 to realise I was a good person.
You can do it and we can help you!
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