Trying again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 230
Trying again
Got 17 days sober but drank last night. Got up this morning poured all the rest of the booze down the sink.
Will have to just treat it as a blip and be grateful no bad things happened.
I need to to stay positive. I’m desperate for this allcohollism to end for me now. I also hope it will end for everyone else too.
When I threw the booze down the sink I said to myself that it can’t hurt me when it is down the sink and not in my body.
Will have to just treat it as a blip and be grateful no bad things happened.
I need to to stay positive. I’m desperate for this allcohollism to end for me now. I also hope it will end for everyone else too.
When I threw the booze down the sink I said to myself that it can’t hurt me when it is down the sink and not in my body.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi Stable
do you think treating things as blips is helping or not?
I understand the need to be positive, but its not good if you're denying the seriousness of your situation.
I got to a point where I was actually building periodic relapses into my recovery programme on the basis that I was doing better, overall.
needless to say that didn't work long term and I ended up not just spinning my wheels but actively going backwards..
I needed a new approach - new ideas, new things to try more effort, more commitment.
You've been at this a while trying to get some long term purchase again.
Maybe this is a good time to not only figure out new things to do, but follow those things through - gotta be worth a try?
D
do you think treating things as blips is helping or not?
I understand the need to be positive, but its not good if you're denying the seriousness of your situation.
I got to a point where I was actually building periodic relapses into my recovery programme on the basis that I was doing better, overall.
needless to say that didn't work long term and I ended up not just spinning my wheels but actively going backwards..
I needed a new approach - new ideas, new things to try more effort, more commitment.
You've been at this a while trying to get some long term purchase again.
Maybe this is a good time to not only figure out new things to do, but follow those things through - gotta be worth a try?
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Keep trying is good - but think about my point about trying different things as well.
I know you've been trying for a while, but what supports have you used, what changes have you made, what methods have you tried?
if the general answer is not much, that needs to change, man.
Everyone wants to see you beat this again
D
I know you've been trying for a while, but what supports have you used, what changes have you made, what methods have you tried?
if the general answer is not much, that needs to change, man.
Everyone wants to see you beat this again
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 230
Thanks Dee. I have tried AA but did not get on with it and found meetings very difficult.
i do however like to read AA literature and listen to speakers on YouTube. All lot of their principals are sound.
I will consult my mental mental health support worker to try to find a way forward.
The problem I have with maintaining sobriety is being subject to stress and when I have a really bad day then I find it very difficult.
Also alcohol is very difficult to give up completely because it is everywhere and people talk about it all the time.
I want to be free like you Dee.
i do however like to read AA literature and listen to speakers on YouTube. All lot of their principals are sound.
I will consult my mental mental health support worker to try to find a way forward.
The problem I have with maintaining sobriety is being subject to stress and when I have a really bad day then I find it very difficult.
Also alcohol is very difficult to give up completely because it is everywhere and people talk about it all the time.
I want to be free like you Dee.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,926
I’m with Dee I’m afraid, Stable. It’s not a blip if it happens often.
Giving up alcohol is a big thing. It’s not like changing your brand of coffee or having a new hairstyle. It involves changing your lifestyle. You can’t just give up booze in isolation; other things have to change. Some people drink after work in front on the TV. They stopped drinking by doing something else after work.
The reason you’re stressed is because your body craves alcohol. If you ignore the cravings (and it’s the hardest thing I think I’ve ever done), the cravings go as does the stress. How do non-drinkers cope? I’ll tell you that they don’t need alcohol.
So have you changed anything else in your life that’d help you stop?
Giving up alcohol is a big thing. It’s not like changing your brand of coffee or having a new hairstyle. It involves changing your lifestyle. You can’t just give up booze in isolation; other things have to change. Some people drink after work in front on the TV. They stopped drinking by doing something else after work.
The reason you’re stressed is because your body craves alcohol. If you ignore the cravings (and it’s the hardest thing I think I’ve ever done), the cravings go as does the stress. How do non-drinkers cope? I’ll tell you that they don’t need alcohol.
So have you changed anything else in your life that’d help you stop?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
You still have 17 days...and don't beat yourself up.
This is a deadly progressive condition....
Just try not to make this some sort of a binge...
Always keep trying to stop.
I got to a point where I realize I am in end stage of alcoholism...I've always known the root of my drinking problem was I don't have any coping skills....its very easy to walk into a store and buy some booze when I am pissed off or stressed out...Like a child I will stamp my feet and trot off to the liquor store...always has been the solution for me in the past.....but the older I get I realize it is harder to clean up the puke or function the next day at all....
I read a long time ago that replacing the alcohol with something else is a must...doesn't have to be AA....but around the time of your normal drinking pattern...do something else....Especially EATING will take away cravings, staying busy...which means home projects or some sort of hobby like you talk about the "gym"...
Latley I think about this: I have been acting like a "child" for years...with my little temper tantrums..whatever makes me mad or stressed I stomp off to the liquor store to quell my feelings...there are other ways to cope...I have not drank for about 18 days..I haven't had any cravings yet but I do know they will come and I am prepared to conquer them because something came over me that was "different" this time...I do believe if you keep TRYING you will hit a spot where stopping is something you are ready for.
I have been known to give in so quickly to my desire to "escape"..Its a thought and then an action....I never hit pause...
But, because my life now depends on not putting alcohol into my body and I have a realization to reflect on that the last time I was drinking and cleaning puke out of the sink...the thought came to me that this **** is literally SLOWLY killing me....
If your puking your pancreas is not very happy....along with the dehydration....I read your age is about 42...this is when our bodies and organs are getting older and tired...and damaging them further with alcohol is a slow suicide...first I really had to absorb that this is a fact...I am killing myself...and then I was able to make the decision that I want to live....I said to myself "You have had enough alcohol for anyones lifetime so you don't have to have more alcohol"....I have to learn ways to deal with life....and I have to eliminate alcohol as one of my solutions.
I have to pay really close attention to the acronym of H.A.L.T.
H-Hungry
A-Angry
L-Lonely
T-Tired
These are triggers for EVERY alcoholic. I haven't had "cravings' this time...but the first thing I will do IF I do...is to EAT SOMETHING...this has always taken away the craving in the past...whether it be a piece of a chocolate bar or a full blown cheeseburger....you will notice the craving will pass if you do this.
Its a helpless feeling not to be able to fight against alcohol...I've felt THAT helpless....
Just don't stop trying because one of these "tries" you are going to get it.....
This is a deadly progressive condition....
Just try not to make this some sort of a binge...
Always keep trying to stop.
I got to a point where I realize I am in end stage of alcoholism...I've always known the root of my drinking problem was I don't have any coping skills....its very easy to walk into a store and buy some booze when I am pissed off or stressed out...Like a child I will stamp my feet and trot off to the liquor store...always has been the solution for me in the past.....but the older I get I realize it is harder to clean up the puke or function the next day at all....
I read a long time ago that replacing the alcohol with something else is a must...doesn't have to be AA....but around the time of your normal drinking pattern...do something else....Especially EATING will take away cravings, staying busy...which means home projects or some sort of hobby like you talk about the "gym"...
Latley I think about this: I have been acting like a "child" for years...with my little temper tantrums..whatever makes me mad or stressed I stomp off to the liquor store to quell my feelings...there are other ways to cope...I have not drank for about 18 days..I haven't had any cravings yet but I do know they will come and I am prepared to conquer them because something came over me that was "different" this time...I do believe if you keep TRYING you will hit a spot where stopping is something you are ready for.
I have been known to give in so quickly to my desire to "escape"..Its a thought and then an action....I never hit pause...
But, because my life now depends on not putting alcohol into my body and I have a realization to reflect on that the last time I was drinking and cleaning puke out of the sink...the thought came to me that this **** is literally SLOWLY killing me....
If your puking your pancreas is not very happy....along with the dehydration....I read your age is about 42...this is when our bodies and organs are getting older and tired...and damaging them further with alcohol is a slow suicide...first I really had to absorb that this is a fact...I am killing myself...and then I was able to make the decision that I want to live....I said to myself "You have had enough alcohol for anyones lifetime so you don't have to have more alcohol"....I have to learn ways to deal with life....and I have to eliminate alcohol as one of my solutions.
I have to pay really close attention to the acronym of H.A.L.T.
H-Hungry
A-Angry
L-Lonely
T-Tired
These are triggers for EVERY alcoholic. I haven't had "cravings' this time...but the first thing I will do IF I do...is to EAT SOMETHING...this has always taken away the craving in the past...whether it be a piece of a chocolate bar or a full blown cheeseburger....you will notice the craving will pass if you do this.
Its a helpless feeling not to be able to fight against alcohol...I've felt THAT helpless....
Just don't stop trying because one of these "tries" you are going to get it.....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 850
I think it's important to have a *detailed* sobriety plan, especially for early sobriety. The way I came up with mine was by this process:
1) I identified my triggers. Why I drank, when I drank, what made me drink (mostly everything, hah), where I drank, etc. I found that I mostly drank alone, in my apartment, cooking, playing video games. Basically being alone in my apartment was a trigger, which was an issue because I live alone.
2) After identifying the triggers, I came up with ways to either deal with them head on, or avoid them while I got sober time under my belt. So, I changed my entire schedule up to avoid being in my apartment for long periods of time alone, or that when I got home I was too tired or otherwise busy to want to drink. So I went to AA one night a week, went to a boxing class, went to a spin class, hung out with someone, went for long walks outside, stopped cooking and just used frozen meals or quick meals, stopped playing video games and just watched tv that I didn't have to focus on, and basically just tried to do anything to avoid my triggers. I also DID NOT under any circumstances put myself in any situation where I could drink. I probably didn't hang out with groups of friends or go anywhere, even restaurants, for a long time. This goes hand in hand with the personal development I was also doing - therapy, listening and learning from others in AA, reading books, reading and posting on SR, listening to podcasts, and just generally surrounding myself with recovery methods.
I'd like to add that I also came up with safety nets, should any of these fail me. I would post on SR if I really felt in danger of drinking and I would wait an hour for replies. I had (and still have) a thread just for me to check in when I feel like I need to, and in the beginning I would post every day. I called a friend and talked to them for at least thirty minutes when I was having a bad craving, and if that didn't work, I'd call someone else.
A good recovery plan, in my opinion, comes down to creating a plan for what you will do when you want to drink. "If I have a craving, I will do x, y, and z." "If I am in a situation where there is alcohol, I will leave, no excuses."
Coming up with it is simple, but putting it into action is difficult. Your alcoholic brain doesn't want to, and will try to get you to drink no matter what. It comes down to having ways to deal with it when it pipes up, until you are able to simply dismiss it. Sometimes when I have a fleeting thought about drinking, I'll say out loud to myself, "wow that's a really stupid thought, I'm not sure why I would do that." It helps.
Everyone's plan is different. The cool part is that you can take bits and pieces of things that work for you and tailor it for your specific needs. There really is no "one size fits all" when it comes to recovery, or recovery plans.
Keep trying Stable. Hope my post helped, and I hope you are able to come up with a good plan for yourself and get lasting sobriety.
1) I identified my triggers. Why I drank, when I drank, what made me drink (mostly everything, hah), where I drank, etc. I found that I mostly drank alone, in my apartment, cooking, playing video games. Basically being alone in my apartment was a trigger, which was an issue because I live alone.
2) After identifying the triggers, I came up with ways to either deal with them head on, or avoid them while I got sober time under my belt. So, I changed my entire schedule up to avoid being in my apartment for long periods of time alone, or that when I got home I was too tired or otherwise busy to want to drink. So I went to AA one night a week, went to a boxing class, went to a spin class, hung out with someone, went for long walks outside, stopped cooking and just used frozen meals or quick meals, stopped playing video games and just watched tv that I didn't have to focus on, and basically just tried to do anything to avoid my triggers. I also DID NOT under any circumstances put myself in any situation where I could drink. I probably didn't hang out with groups of friends or go anywhere, even restaurants, for a long time. This goes hand in hand with the personal development I was also doing - therapy, listening and learning from others in AA, reading books, reading and posting on SR, listening to podcasts, and just generally surrounding myself with recovery methods.
I'd like to add that I also came up with safety nets, should any of these fail me. I would post on SR if I really felt in danger of drinking and I would wait an hour for replies. I had (and still have) a thread just for me to check in when I feel like I need to, and in the beginning I would post every day. I called a friend and talked to them for at least thirty minutes when I was having a bad craving, and if that didn't work, I'd call someone else.
A good recovery plan, in my opinion, comes down to creating a plan for what you will do when you want to drink. "If I have a craving, I will do x, y, and z." "If I am in a situation where there is alcohol, I will leave, no excuses."
Coming up with it is simple, but putting it into action is difficult. Your alcoholic brain doesn't want to, and will try to get you to drink no matter what. It comes down to having ways to deal with it when it pipes up, until you are able to simply dismiss it. Sometimes when I have a fleeting thought about drinking, I'll say out loud to myself, "wow that's a really stupid thought, I'm not sure why I would do that." It helps.
Everyone's plan is different. The cool part is that you can take bits and pieces of things that work for you and tailor it for your specific needs. There really is no "one size fits all" when it comes to recovery, or recovery plans.
Keep trying Stable. Hope my post helped, and I hope you are able to come up with a good plan for yourself and get lasting sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,055
Love your heart, Stable. I can so relate.
I’ve even added recovery groups, counseling, SR, and probably every book on alcohol addiction! Here I am continuing to come back again and again. We must never give up. We’ve got to work through the uncomfortable feelings of a bad day or someone hurting us or whatever we’re trying to escape.
I’m going to keep trying with you!
PS I want to be like Dee too. He is the best!
I’ve even added recovery groups, counseling, SR, and probably every book on alcohol addiction! Here I am continuing to come back again and again. We must never give up. We’ve got to work through the uncomfortable feelings of a bad day or someone hurting us or whatever we’re trying to escape.
I’m going to keep trying with you!
PS I want to be like Dee too. He is the best!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: I'm sitting right here ...
Posts: 918
Originally Posted by Stable 
Got 17 days sober but drank last night.
Will have to just treat it as a blip ...
I need to to stay positive. I’m desperate for this allcohollism to end for me now. I also hope it will end for everyone else too..
Will have to just treat it as a blip ...
I need to to stay positive. I’m desperate for this allcohollism to end for me now. I also hope it will end for everyone else too..
I feel certain when typing that your alcoholism will end as soon as you quit having "blip" moments.
I'd love to be able to "hope" alcoholism away for everyone else too. That'd be far out. I'd get on that right after I hope to win the lottery!
I have to say - pouring the rest down the drain was an amazingly sane thing to do in the midst of your "blip" moment. Not everyone could have or would have done that. I don't think I would have ...
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
Stable, I think you do need to stay positive, but I also think it's important to understand why you had a relapse. Then, you can plan to never let that happen again. Stay focused and keep posting. 17 days of sobriety is great and you can get back to it.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Someone might think it is a tough line to re assess my recovery plan when I made it 17 days clean.
But, coming here everyday gets frustrating when folks keep relapsing after I give them my best advice/support. You seem to get that.
Those 17 days are amazing. That is a long long time for a drunk to not drink.
My crave to drink, my addiction, resides in my emotions. My analysis is how I defeat it.
I know I want/crave mental escape. I used to get that from drinking. Drinking caused my body to stop producing enough endorphins/dopamine to satisfy me.
It took the better part of 3 years for my mind to get used to the natural dopamine it created.
That whole time, I suffered. I suffered feelings best described as insanity. I call it kindling, paws, and ptsd.
I still suffer a bit everyday. I am used to it.
Suffering and time. That was my way out.
I laugh so much now. Mostly in private because I don't want to appear like a clown.
Creating natural happiness is like an self sustaining energy machine.
Happiness begets happiness. It took time and deliberate understanding.
In saying that, I could relapse today. I am an addict for life.
Love and Thanks.
But, coming here everyday gets frustrating when folks keep relapsing after I give them my best advice/support. You seem to get that.
Those 17 days are amazing. That is a long long time for a drunk to not drink.
My crave to drink, my addiction, resides in my emotions. My analysis is how I defeat it.
I know I want/crave mental escape. I used to get that from drinking. Drinking caused my body to stop producing enough endorphins/dopamine to satisfy me.
It took the better part of 3 years for my mind to get used to the natural dopamine it created.
That whole time, I suffered. I suffered feelings best described as insanity. I call it kindling, paws, and ptsd.
I still suffer a bit everyday. I am used to it.
Suffering and time. That was my way out.
I laugh so much now. Mostly in private because I don't want to appear like a clown.
Creating natural happiness is like an self sustaining energy machine.
Happiness begets happiness. It took time and deliberate understanding.
In saying that, I could relapse today. I am an addict for life.
Love and Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
Replacements were huge for me. I have 7 months now after many years of trying.
For me, replacing the sedation of alcohol with things like exercise and housework didn't work very well (at first). I ended up picking things that gave me physical pleasure...junk food and hot baths and then getting adsorbed into something on TV. I just vegged and filled my gut with sugar. I also drank a lot of juice (thereby replacing the hand-to-mouth habit and something cool going down my throat). I guess you could say I've been tricking my brain.
My mother is a heavy drinker (rum every night). A few years ago, my father played a trick on her. He served her 3 virgins. Guess what? She thought she was drunk..even commented on how nice the drinks were. When he told her they were virgins, she didn't believe it. There have been experiments done on this in the psychology filed. I know there is one on youtube as I watched it years ago and this was were the idea came from to trick my mother.
Now, I don't think about alcohol much at all. But I loves me some chocolate, a bag of chips and movie at days end. The way I look at it is I have to have some pleasure in life. My plan now is to wait until 7:30 pm before I relax. I get off at 4 so that's 3.5 hours to fill. I'll focus on getting as many chores done as I can. It's not perfect but I'm definitely moving in the right direction. I'm cutting back on the sugar a little now too.
Oh, and gratitude...I practice that every day. Especially when I'm feeling down, I'll just stop and take a moment to reflect on the good things in my life...like being sober.
My mind can't handle the "never again" very well either. So, i've told myself I can drink again at 75...for some reason that thought gets rid of the urge.
You have to TRUST and KNOW that if you stick this out for the long term, your life will be better, because it will!
For me, replacing the sedation of alcohol with things like exercise and housework didn't work very well (at first). I ended up picking things that gave me physical pleasure...junk food and hot baths and then getting adsorbed into something on TV. I just vegged and filled my gut with sugar. I also drank a lot of juice (thereby replacing the hand-to-mouth habit and something cool going down my throat). I guess you could say I've been tricking my brain.
My mother is a heavy drinker (rum every night). A few years ago, my father played a trick on her. He served her 3 virgins. Guess what? She thought she was drunk..even commented on how nice the drinks were. When he told her they were virgins, she didn't believe it. There have been experiments done on this in the psychology filed. I know there is one on youtube as I watched it years ago and this was were the idea came from to trick my mother.
Now, I don't think about alcohol much at all. But I loves me some chocolate, a bag of chips and movie at days end. The way I look at it is I have to have some pleasure in life. My plan now is to wait until 7:30 pm before I relax. I get off at 4 so that's 3.5 hours to fill. I'll focus on getting as many chores done as I can. It's not perfect but I'm definitely moving in the right direction. I'm cutting back on the sugar a little now too.
Oh, and gratitude...I practice that every day. Especially when I'm feeling down, I'll just stop and take a moment to reflect on the good things in my life...like being sober.
My mind can't handle the "never again" very well either. So, i've told myself I can drink again at 75...for some reason that thought gets rid of the urge.
You have to TRUST and KNOW that if you stick this out for the long term, your life will be better, because it will!
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Hi Stable,
I think I was where you are now somewhere around 8 years ago. I desperately wanted to have the desire to stop drinking. And I did, I really did. But I also couldn't not drink. It was frustrating, miserable, demoralizing and awful. And honestly, when I threw in the towel and just went with the drinking, it was a relief. For awhile. And then I'd start the cycle all over again. Looking back, my trajectory was just like the whorl of water you see when the bath is in its final stages of draining - down and down and more down. I wish I could say what magical thing happened this last time that has kept me sober (thus far) for six months - if I could, I'd certainly share it with you.
In the final analysis, I think for me it took more than willingness or even a sincere desire. It took changes within me. It took me rejecting what others had to say if it didn't work for me, but only after a truly searching analysis of why I was rejecting those things. I didn't fit in anywhere - not in group therapy in IOP, not in AA, not here, not anywhere. At least that's how it felt to me. So it also took accepting what others had to say. A paradox, eh? Not really. I've designed my own "program" that's founded in the success of others who've gone before me and feels authentic to me. In the final analysis, learning to accept myself, really and truly accept myself, was the key.
AA wasn't for me either. People in that program are so... human! It's funny to me now, but it wasn't funny at the time. I felt really deep sadness at not being able to "get it," at being the misfit even on the Island of Misfit Toys. I liked/like the book too, particularly (and kinda only) the first 164 pages that are the program. Slowly, slowly over time, I was able to synthesize concepts from AVRT and from SMART and from AA and from life experience to come up with an understanding of myself and what was in my way. Like they say, it was me. But that's too pat - I had to go further and learn to identify the subconscious or automatic thoughts/feelings/beliefs that were so intolerable that I had no choice but to drink.
All of which is a very long way (my way ) of saying don't discount anything. Didn't like AA? Try it again. Go to a lot of different Zoom meetings and keep your ears open for someone who seems to have good sobriety and also that "something" that makes you think "this person might be able to understand me." Haven't read about Rational Recovery (AVRT?) - do that. What's worked for you in the past? Do that too. Eat right, sleep right, keep a schedule for yourself. Do all of the things all at once. If you focus on the basic basic things, it's a lot, but definitely not too much to handle.
Your mental health worker - do you guys jive? Do they understand you? Do they help you to understand yourself? That's one thing that I found crucially important. Hard to rank the basic basic things because they are all important, but had I not found the right therapist I'm not sure I would've made it this far. Find a good one and work hard.
The reason I'm here writing this long missive is because I just got very out of sorts by how a colleague treated me an hour ago. I found myself feeling all of those horrible "can't stand it" discomfort feelings and decided to remove myself from that situation for the time being. This is the kind of thing I would've drank over in the past. My brain would've shut out what just happened and instead I would've found myself with an inexplicable need to drink. Literally. I would not have known why. Isn't that crazy? It's definitely illness, but I'm learning to overcome it. So even if you don't read this whole thing, you've helped me today and I thank you for that.
You can overcome this too!!
And it sure doesn't need to take 8 years.
xo
O
I think I was where you are now somewhere around 8 years ago. I desperately wanted to have the desire to stop drinking. And I did, I really did. But I also couldn't not drink. It was frustrating, miserable, demoralizing and awful. And honestly, when I threw in the towel and just went with the drinking, it was a relief. For awhile. And then I'd start the cycle all over again. Looking back, my trajectory was just like the whorl of water you see when the bath is in its final stages of draining - down and down and more down. I wish I could say what magical thing happened this last time that has kept me sober (thus far) for six months - if I could, I'd certainly share it with you.
In the final analysis, I think for me it took more than willingness or even a sincere desire. It took changes within me. It took me rejecting what others had to say if it didn't work for me, but only after a truly searching analysis of why I was rejecting those things. I didn't fit in anywhere - not in group therapy in IOP, not in AA, not here, not anywhere. At least that's how it felt to me. So it also took accepting what others had to say. A paradox, eh? Not really. I've designed my own "program" that's founded in the success of others who've gone before me and feels authentic to me. In the final analysis, learning to accept myself, really and truly accept myself, was the key.
AA wasn't for me either. People in that program are so... human! It's funny to me now, but it wasn't funny at the time. I felt really deep sadness at not being able to "get it," at being the misfit even on the Island of Misfit Toys. I liked/like the book too, particularly (and kinda only) the first 164 pages that are the program. Slowly, slowly over time, I was able to synthesize concepts from AVRT and from SMART and from AA and from life experience to come up with an understanding of myself and what was in my way. Like they say, it was me. But that's too pat - I had to go further and learn to identify the subconscious or automatic thoughts/feelings/beliefs that were so intolerable that I had no choice but to drink.
All of which is a very long way (my way
) of saying don't discount anything. Didn't like AA? Try it again. Go to a lot of different Zoom meetings and keep your ears open for someone who seems to have good sobriety and also that "something" that makes you think "this person might be able to understand me." Haven't read about Rational Recovery (AVRT?) - do that. What's worked for you in the past? Do that too. Eat right, sleep right, keep a schedule for yourself. Do all of the things all at once. If you focus on the basic basic things, it's a lot, but definitely not too much to handle. Your mental health worker - do you guys jive? Do they understand you? Do they help you to understand yourself? That's one thing that I found crucially important. Hard to rank the basic basic things because they are all important, but had I not found the right therapist I'm not sure I would've made it this far. Find a good one and work hard.
The reason I'm here writing this long missive is because I just got very out of sorts by how a colleague treated me an hour ago. I found myself feeling all of those horrible "can't stand it" discomfort feelings and decided to remove myself from that situation for the time being. This is the kind of thing I would've drank over in the past. My brain would've shut out what just happened and instead I would've found myself with an inexplicable need to drink. Literally. I would not have known why. Isn't that crazy? It's definitely illness, but I'm learning to overcome it. So even if you don't read this whole thing, you've helped me today and I thank you for that.
You can overcome this too!!
And it sure doesn't need to take 8 years.
xo
O
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 524
All my relapses have come from social occassions, where I feel its ok I can drink like a normal person.Clearly, I cannot. I end up on binges. When I start I can't stop.
In a way I am glad I am not drinking because of stress or anxiety because that would be far worse. Don't get me wrong, the binges happen because I am postponing withdrawels, however the actual initial triggers are not from mental anguish. I have been like that in the past, but thankfully I am in a much better place mentally so that doesn't happen.
So I need to double down on not drinking during these social occasions. I went out to a pub last night on a date, it was day 2 and I was tired. I had no desire to drink and I told her I wasn't drinking. It was fine. No temptation. You guys may think that is mad for me to go to a pub on day two, but I had zero desire to drink. My issues come three months from now when the horror of my last binge has worn off and I forget how bad it makes me. I need to find a way passed that.
In a way I am glad I am not drinking because of stress or anxiety because that would be far worse. Don't get me wrong, the binges happen because I am postponing withdrawels, however the actual initial triggers are not from mental anguish. I have been like that in the past, but thankfully I am in a much better place mentally so that doesn't happen.
So I need to double down on not drinking during these social occasions. I went out to a pub last night on a date, it was day 2 and I was tired. I had no desire to drink and I told her I wasn't drinking. It was fine. No temptation. You guys may think that is mad for me to go to a pub on day two, but I had zero desire to drink. My issues come three months from now when the horror of my last binge has worn off and I forget how bad it makes me. I need to find a way passed that.
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