Giving this another go.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 5
Giving this another go.
Hi all,
I'm a long time reader. I last posted back in the summer of 2018 where I had a 3 month period of sobriety (can't remember my username). Like many, I soon convinced myself I would be able to drink "responsibly", or that it didn't matter if I occasionally binged. This has spiralled in and out of control since.
The last few months I have been drinking on and off with periods of sobriety, lasting a few days at a time, only due to work.
I drink around 4 cans (440ml , 5%) of beer daily when I do drink, or a bottle of wine, usually within the space of 30mins to an hour. Sometimes more. I haven't had a full nights sleep in months. I'm 30 but the person I see in the mirror looks about 40 (and I have been been mistaken for this many times).
Time to stop.
On day 2 today. Feel good, as I usually do in the first few days of sobriety (almost like a bipolar manic phase - share too much with people and say ridiculous things I regret). Don't get me wrong, like everyone I have occasionally had bigger binges and this has led to withdrawal symptoms lasting days, but I've recently been working towards drinking less.
Before these forums I had never heard of the AV, but it's a perfect way of describing the inner turmoil we all experience. I almost congratulated myself with a drink after reaching day 2 (also had a successful day of work).
I won't tell people I'm doing a sober period anymore, will just not drink! My partner won't question it. She understands.
Wish me luck.
I'm a long time reader. I last posted back in the summer of 2018 where I had a 3 month period of sobriety (can't remember my username). Like many, I soon convinced myself I would be able to drink "responsibly", or that it didn't matter if I occasionally binged. This has spiralled in and out of control since.
The last few months I have been drinking on and off with periods of sobriety, lasting a few days at a time, only due to work.
I drink around 4 cans (440ml , 5%) of beer daily when I do drink, or a bottle of wine, usually within the space of 30mins to an hour. Sometimes more. I haven't had a full nights sleep in months. I'm 30 but the person I see in the mirror looks about 40 (and I have been been mistaken for this many times).
Time to stop.
On day 2 today. Feel good, as I usually do in the first few days of sobriety (almost like a bipolar manic phase - share too much with people and say ridiculous things I regret). Don't get me wrong, like everyone I have occasionally had bigger binges and this has led to withdrawal symptoms lasting days, but I've recently been working towards drinking less.
Before these forums I had never heard of the AV, but it's a perfect way of describing the inner turmoil we all experience. I almost congratulated myself with a drink after reaching day 2 (also had a successful day of work).
I won't tell people I'm doing a sober period anymore, will just not drink! My partner won't question it. She understands.
Wish me luck.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,506
Welcome cam. I'm glad you joined us & decided to make this big change in your life.
You sound determined. When I was your age I was still sure I could control the amounts I drank. As a result, I caused damage & chaos that never needed to happen. You'll be avoiding so much pain by stopping now - I'm glad you realize it.
You sound determined. When I was your age I was still sure I could control the amounts I drank. As a result, I caused damage & chaos that never needed to happen. You'll be avoiding so much pain by stopping now - I'm glad you realize it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 5
Thanks.
I think I realised I couldn't control how much I drank when I first started drinking in my teens. It got much worse in my early twenties.
I was fixated on the next opportunity I could get blackout drunk at home alone. This has continued for far too long.
With that said, I'm a very high functioning alcohol dependent (as many are), and I guess I could very easily continue at this rate (promotions etc, very good career). I just don't want to. Nothing brings me joy anymore!
I think I realised I couldn't control how much I drank when I first started drinking in my teens. It got much worse in my early twenties.
I was fixated on the next opportunity I could get blackout drunk at home alone. This has continued for far too long.
With that said, I'm a very high functioning alcohol dependent (as many are), and I guess I could very easily continue at this rate (promotions etc, very good career). I just don't want to. Nothing brings me joy anymore!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 75
Originally Posted by cam90 
Thanks.
I think I realised I couldn't control how much I drank when I first started drinking in my teens. It got much worse in my early twenties.
I was fixated on the next opportunity I could get blackout drunk at home alone. This has continued for far too long.
With that said, I'm a very high functioning alcohol dependent (as many are), and I guess I could very easily continue at this rate (promotions etc, very good career). I just don't want to. Nothing brings me joy anymore!
I think I realised I couldn't control how much I drank when I first started drinking in my teens. It got much worse in my early twenties.
I was fixated on the next opportunity I could get blackout drunk at home alone. This has continued for far too long.
With that said, I'm a very high functioning alcohol dependent (as many are), and I guess I could very easily continue at this rate (promotions etc, very good career). I just don't want to. Nothing brings me joy anymore!
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
This is the place that people can come to when they are ready to quit drinking.
When I was your age, SR didn't exist. I had no idea what I was dealing with.
I was heavily addicted from the time I was in my late teens (when I could afford to buy booze on my own).
The physical and mental damage plagued me my entire life.
The addiction was fierce. It manifested in everything from happy, sad, angry, frustrated, parties, dinner, rainy day, sunny day...everything and anything. The deal was really just to get my boozy fix. My addiction used any reason.
Quitting started out like a shiny new toy. Then the shine wore off and the hell on earth shown through. Insanity is the best way to explain how it was to get and stay clean.
Without SR, I was doomed.
I had to really want to quit otherwise it would have been impossible. The pain of quitting is too strong.
Thanks.
When I was your age, SR didn't exist. I had no idea what I was dealing with.
I was heavily addicted from the time I was in my late teens (when I could afford to buy booze on my own).
The physical and mental damage plagued me my entire life.
The addiction was fierce. It manifested in everything from happy, sad, angry, frustrated, parties, dinner, rainy day, sunny day...everything and anything. The deal was really just to get my boozy fix. My addiction used any reason.
Quitting started out like a shiny new toy. Then the shine wore off and the hell on earth shown through. Insanity is the best way to explain how it was to get and stay clean.
Without SR, I was doomed.
I had to really want to quit otherwise it would have been impossible. The pain of quitting is too strong.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 466
Hi mate, hang in there. We're the same age and in the same boat my friend. Keep posting, it really does help. Congrats on day 2. I just hit day 10 and feeling better every day. Glad that you're with us
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
You can do this. Keep reading and posting every day.
I took a picture of myself on day 1 and another on day 200 of sobriety. I keep flicking back and forth between them....the difference is shocking. It's one of the tools I use to remind myself where I was because forgetting and then rationalizing drinking is the biggest demon that pushed me off the wagon so many times. You can have your youth back. You're only 30! If you stop drinking now your're appearance will eventually return to normal. You'll be amazed like I am now (I'll have 7 months on Aug 2).
You will not be missing out on anything as a sober person...that I have learned. It's hard at first but as you build up time the urge to drink fades as other more constructive things takes its place.
P.S. the addictive voice might have you thinking "I'm only 30, I have lots of time I can quit later"...don't listen to it.
Peace
I took a picture of myself on day 1 and another on day 200 of sobriety. I keep flicking back and forth between them....the difference is shocking. It's one of the tools I use to remind myself where I was because forgetting and then rationalizing drinking is the biggest demon that pushed me off the wagon so many times. You can have your youth back. You're only 30! If you stop drinking now your're appearance will eventually return to normal. You'll be amazed like I am now (I'll have 7 months on Aug 2).
You will not be missing out on anything as a sober person...that I have learned. It's hard at first but as you build up time the urge to drink fades as other more constructive things takes its place.
P.S. the addictive voice might have you thinking "I'm only 30, I have lots of time I can quit later"...don't listen to it.
Peace
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 5
Thanks for your replies!
Tricky day today. Felt low and slightly anxious all day. Conversations aren't flowing and I guess I'm getting a bit of the old brain fog. Doesn't help that I didn't sleep well.
Feeling inadequate and stressing about all the things I've been putting off for months.
Despite this, I can't say that I've been tempted to drink yet.
Hopefully tomorrow will feel better, however I'm working all weekend (13 hour day shifts) so stress will be high.
I think I need to write a recovery action plan. Also, a daily to do list.
Anyway, thanks for the words of encouragement!
Tricky day today. Felt low and slightly anxious all day. Conversations aren't flowing and I guess I'm getting a bit of the old brain fog. Doesn't help that I didn't sleep well.
Feeling inadequate and stressing about all the things I've been putting off for months.
Despite this, I can't say that I've been tempted to drink yet.
Hopefully tomorrow will feel better, however I'm working all weekend (13 hour day shifts) so stress will be high.
I think I need to write a recovery action plan. Also, a daily to do list.
Anyway, thanks for the words of encouragement!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
Do you have a plan for what you will do when you leave your 13 hour shift? I've seen people on here switch going to the liquor store with coffee via drive-thru. If you have a specific plan in place for what you will do it'll be easier. If you wing it and the AV strikes your default is booze. We have to manually adjust until we move to autopilot.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 5
I usually plan my drinking, so I would usually have decided I want a drink a lot sooner than then.
As it stands, I really don't want to drink. But you're right, I need to find good distractions for when the AV decides to creep back. At the moment, my only distraction is work.
I need habits and hobbies I can really get into.
As it stands, I really don't want to drink. But you're right, I need to find good distractions for when the AV decides to creep back. At the moment, my only distraction is work.
I need habits and hobbies I can really get into.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 5
Day 6.
Went to the supermarket today to buy food. Had a good day and briefly felt like buying some beers so I could reward myself for the last few days (this is day 8 in a row of work, 4 more left until my next day off).
It's funny but the AV is already trying to convince me I can drink in moderation. I won't give in.
Went to the supermarket today to buy food. Had a good day and briefly felt like buying some beers so I could reward myself for the last few days (this is day 8 in a row of work, 4 more left until my next day off).
It's funny but the AV is already trying to convince me I can drink in moderation. I won't give in.
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