icingsugar

It will be 2 weeks on Friday since I last had a drink.
I got my results from the blood tests I took (well, the doctor didn't phone so I phoned the receptionist who told me they were fine - no action to be taken.) I am still paranoid about them - especially because my mum pointed out how red my palms were today. The tips of my fingers are permanently red but I don't know if this is a new symptom or if my palms have always been very pink. I definitely go through phases on hypochondria so if the doctor wasn't worried about my liver and diabetes, I'm trying my best to not be worried too. Had my blood pressure taken 2 weeks ago too and that was also fine.

Since I stopped drinking though, I am struggling most nights to get to sleep. I'm not sure why since I was never a daily drinker, and I am hoping my body will soon set into a normalish rhythm. I'm also generally just feeling bored day to day. I am currently on summer holidays from work (working in education - I get 5 weeks off in the summer) and while I would usually fill my time with day drinking or at least evening drinking, I'm just finding the days seem really bland. I am doing the things I would usually do (reading in the garden, going for walks, talking with friends on skype) but everything just seems really dull. My best friend is coming over at the weekend (seeing her for the first time since lockdown started) and I'm also worried even that will be dull without drinking. That sounds really bad, I know, as I do enjoy her company, but I actually think in reality I always loved the drink more.

Just feeling a bit lost at the moment. I am sure I'll feel okay soon...

Obladi

I'm sure you'll feel better and better as time goes by. Fact is, life without alcohol is pretty bland until you get accustomed to it. Bland isn't necessarily a bad thing, right?

What has really helped me is to make a schedule for each day and try to stick to it. If I plan out my entire day the night before (on a whiteboard, I love those things), I generally follow through with it. I think part of it's about checking off the list, but the other part is related to really being committed to this change. Demonstrating that to myself by Doing Things is important. So it's nothing to write home about, but I include things like meditation, adding 5 things to my gratitude list, reading, doing a crossword, writing here, cleaning out a drawer, talking to at least one other person, and of course eating on the regular. I might switch cleaning the drawer for doing a load of laundry, but that's fine, you know?

There are things you can do to help with getting to sleep - tons of ideas out there on the internet. The main thing that helps me is to spend virtually no time in my bedroom unless it's time to sleep. And no TV! I think though that it's very normal to initially have some trouble with sleep when we stop drinking. It's not only a physical thing, it's a mental thing too, right?

Congratulations on almost two weeks! You will be amazed at how the time adds up as you stick with this. And I bet your life will also seem to be a whole lot less bland with time.

O

Dee74

Hi icingsugar

If you're like me you drank for years.Even if you did not drink every day regualr drinking, or even worse, binge drinking still takes a toll.

t takes time to mind and body to recover - maybe even a few more weeks yet.

Try thinking of this period as detox and withdrawal.
Its a finite period that will pass.

Things will get better, you will sleep better and you will start to feel a little joy again

Anna

Two weeks of sobriety is great!

I think that early recovery is a time of change and you're trying to figure out how to enjoy life without alcohol. It's a period of adjustment, so hopefully you can be patient and get through this. Keep doing things you enjoy!

icingsugar

Thanks all. It's just frustrating. Tonight I tried to read and listen to music like I would when drunk and I stopped after about 10 mins as it just wasn't doing anything for me. I have also been having a bit of 'brain fog' which worried me at first (mainly just forgetting that I have turned on the kettle/made a cup of tea/not made a cup of tea) but I have read it's common when giving up drinking. It's worrying to think that only drinking a max of 3 days per week could have such an effect on me when I stop!
I just feel as though I have nothing to look forward to anymore. Having worked from home since lockdown began, I'm really dreading going back to work in 4 weeks (I don't hate my job, but I am definitely someone who works to live and doesn't live to work, and I have also signed up to do another part-time degree alongside my full-time job which seemed like a great idea when I did it pre-lockdown and was in a good place at work, but now I have no idea what I'm going back to with the new social distancing rules. It feels as though every aspect I actually like about my job is being taken away and things will get much harder, nevermind the extra work from my degree!). I know people are in a MUCH worse position than me, even people I am close to, so I shouldn't complain. But alcohol has definitely been my 'go to' to relax for the last 6 years or so, and I just seem so much more worried and anxious without it.

D122y

It seemed like boredom sometimes, anger, happiness, visit, dinner, show etc.

Now it feels mostly like anxiety and obsessing. The av will do and say anything.

it ramped up for the first several months and then it just ached. The crave.

The crave is for life.

Thanks.

MaximusD

It will take time to fill in the gap that alcohol used to fill. What helps me is to make a list of things that I want to do or accomplish. There are endless things you can learn on youtube etc.

GeoGo

icingsugar,

The boredom and sleep issues seem pretty normal to me during early sobriety (I haven't experienced any long periods, so can't speak to this).
As others have indicated, listing things that you would like to do is a good idea...hopefully things you enjoy.
I think that a lot of the things that I thought I enjoyed before I stopped drinking, really weren't things I liked doing...it was the drinking that made them tolerable.
There's a list of fun projects around the house that I keep and I delve into those to fill the time that I normally filled with drinking.
The benefit to this is keeping your mind busy so that you don't have an opportunity to obsess over the booze, and completing a few projects provides a sense of satisfaction, which makes you feel good without having alcohol flowing through your bloodstream.

Ringside

It's normal - you'll find things to do with all of your new-found time, and you'll appreciate that you can do those things (most of the time, anyway). In my case, drinking took up a ton of time - no surprise that it takes a little while to figure out how to use that time.

When things are slow for me, I can usually dream up something to do, and if I can't, well then I just say to myself I'd rather be bored than dying a slow, physically and mentally agonizing death.

boreas

This has also been my experience. A big part of my job is working from home, which as an introvert is delightful, but there is another aspect involving travel and F to F which I really miss. I’ve seen it expressed here in various ways...more extroverted types are bound to struggle more with our current times. I still struggle with this, but I’m working on reframing it and being more accepting. Like you said, many people have it worse. I’ve decided “muddling through” is good enough at the moment.

I let myself go as a drunk, and have enjoyed maximizing my health in sobriety. I sleep much better now, but part of the key for me was making sure I was really tired at the end of the day. Running and yoga does it.

I’ve never liked running or fancied myself a runner, but I can honestly say that at the moment it is the one thing I truly look forward to. You may benefit from trying some new things, since as your mind and body heals you may find joy in unexpected places. I think we evolve in positive ways in sobriety.

My life isn’t exciting. I’ve been in a bit of a holding pattern for years. But I’ve learned that while happiness is fleeting and beyond my control, the contentment that comes with making good choices and living with dignity has infinite value.

Keep going!
-bora

overforty

Boredom is a big thing for me too icingsugar.
I haven't got a long enough stretch of sobriety behind me to give you any advice- the most I've managed in the past is 3 months - where I didn't learn any coping strategies or replace alcohol with anything constructive so I inevitably failed and caved in the the AV.
I'm sure you know already that I was no less bored - I was drunk or hungover and hating myself.
Being drunk or hungover is a full time job so it makes you appear busy.
I'm sober 8 days this time and the boredom is slowly starting to creep in as I feel better.
There are a lot of threads here about making a recovery plan that are worth a read.

Virituze2020

Hi Icing,
That bored feeling will pass. In the meantime, do nice things for yourself. Think of things you loved to do as a kid. Find those comic books online if you have to. take some free courses online. 'FutureLearn' is fantastic!
Learn to love tea, herbal teas, different types of coffee, drink lots of water, with lemon wedges, orange wedges, mint, etc.

You just have to get used to this healthier lifestyle. and the good nights of sleep will come.

boreas

Thanks for this, overforty. My first chuckle of the day!

There is a bunch I agree with in this post as a whole. If all I had done in my life was subtract booze, I doubt it would have worked.

Each day I would get off work, go buy my bottles of Cardonnay (dinner) and a bit of food (cover ), come home, sit on the couch, and drink. All that had to go. I shopped for the week, pre-made dinner so I could eat as soon as I got home, then get out for a walk. Early on, I bowled (?!) every Sunday pm. Anything to break the cycle and get out of those familiar patterns.

I love the analogy of drinking being an old, worn, now overgrown wagon road in my brain. Right after I stopped it was fresh and regularly used, so I had to put the effort into plowing through the woods to make a new path.

-bora

Obladi

Not sure what that means, "didn't do anything for me?" You're definitely never going to replace the unique feelings of a buzz or a drunk - best to relinquish that hope to the past. If you don't actually enjoy reading right now, definitely do something else. But if you're trying to recreate an experience you had while drunk, well, that's just not going to happen. It might probably feel really strange to read right now. But if you think you actually do enjoy reading, then keep at it. You'll get used to it.

The worry and anxiety were my number 1 challenges. Still are. What I found out is that I had never properly learned how to sit with those things. I ran from them - straight into a bottle! And what I do with those thoughts and feelings now is explore them. Not in a morose way, but more in a curious way. "Wow, what Sue said today really upset me. I wonder why that was so upsetting?" (Hint - because she's a witch is not the right answer.) "Oh, I see it was upsetting because it put me in mind of how I feel when ____ happens." Then, "So where did that feeling come from, originally?" Hmmm... "When I was a kid, I felt like I was really a weirdo because all of the kids told me I was." (or whatever) And when I get all the way down to the root of the thing, I can see it! "Ohhh, I get it now. Well, I'm grown, so I can let go of that part of the past - at least to the extent that I'm no longer going to allow it have power over me." It's a lot of work, but for me, so worth it.

O

LumenandNyx

I think that all of the sensations you're experiencing are normal and to be expected. Your body got used to alcohol and now it's having to reacclimate to 'normal' without any. It's not used to homeostasis - it's used to being drugged.

This just may be the time in your life where you're invited to discover new interests and hobbies. What you did in the past while you drank may have expired, so to speak. And this free time you're living through could just be the disguised gift you need to discover what makes you sing again.

Hodd

No one’s looking forward to work 😀 but it’ll be normal once you’re back.

You should be doing cartwheels down the street with those blood test results. That’s the best outcome ever!

You have loads to look forward to. I’ve had to study a pre-teacher science course and had to cram in a whole A level into two months. The brain goes into a higher gear without alcohol in the equation, and I’m even finding the work interesting. Plus I’ve got a life and joined a couple of sports clubs.

I didn’t know any of this would happen when I quit. I now what would’ve happened if I’d stayed a drink, the same dull and boring life of a drinker.

It sounds like you’ve got good plans, and even better ones will come if you keep away from booze.

D122y

Sort of crazy to finally realize this, but much of my anxiety and obsessing was linked to a rise in my blood pressure.

My bp used to spike after drinking, 190/120. Deadman walking. So never drinking again.

Now when I start to obsess and feel anxious, I know it is my BP. I can take a pill, take a nap, etc etc.

There was no easy way out and getting freshly addicted is like sliding down a snowy slope.

Like they say in AA, Easy Does It.

Thanks.

brighterday1234

Be careful not to romanticise/glorify alcohol. Get brutally honest with yourself about the reality of alcohol and your relationship with it. If you’re an alcoholic then drinking can only lead to prison, institution or death. It’s essential to know that fact.

Also recovery takes time. Those with sobriety and contentment all dedicated their daily lives to recovery. It’s a great way to fill your time and essential in my experience to have a daily practice.

kk1k5x

Drinking and listening to music on my balcony was my 'go to' thing when drinking. Oh how great all those songs sounded and what great emotions they evoked ...right? Well, consider the fact that you're overloading your brain with dopamine on the regular. That's why washing windows is 'more fun' when drunk, because you're actually not deriving any joy or satisfaction from the process of washing windows, it's just that your brain has been chemically put in a place where everything seems to be 'oh-so-satisfactory'.

I'm not sure exactly when, but that good feeling and the sense of getting carried away by music comes back at one point when you stay sober (it certainly did for me, but I just can't recall when it was exactly). When you drink and there's barrels of dopamine flooding your brain, the number of relevant receptors gets decreased - it's your brain's way of saying "heck, it seems like there's always plenty of this chemical stuff available, so I don't need to work that hard to notice every tiny bit". That's why you feel "empty and like nothing is fun" when you stop drinking. The receptors recover over time to once more notice the smaller surges, like recognising someone, hugging someone or listening to a great upbeat song etc. You just need to give it time. A person who just stopped drinking isn't really 'themselves' just yet. For regular drinkers, it can take up to a year for the brain to (almost) resemble what it was like before the abuse began. There's popular and accessible research available on that, i.e. what the brain of a non-alkie looks like vs that of a heavy drinker in terms of how much of the brain lights up in certain situations.

Good luck and stay with it.