Ellie323

Some random fears that pop in and out of my mind. This is not meant to be negative, and I see the contradiction in many of these fears, however they are fears that come and go. I am posting them so I can construct some interior dialogue to fight these fears.

Fear of boredom.
Fear of not being fun or interesting to be around.
Fear of being boring.
Fear of life not being fun.
Fear of not knowing what my purpose is.
Fear of losing friendships.
Fear of stressful situations (and I have some major ones coming up).
Fear of loss.
Fear of trying to make a new start.
Fear of not really knowing who I am without alcohol.
Fear of conflict.
Fear of finding myself.
Fear of failing at this.
Fear of what will happen if I don't stop drinking.
Fear of not having the answers.

D122y

My addiction is fierce and patiently waiting in the shadows for any opportunity.

I would have never been able to quit because of all of your listed reasons in addition to the deep irreversible brain damage I will have forever.

I had a gastro issue that started the recovery ball rolling. The suffering was pure insanity and the only reason I made it so far was because of SR.

AA offered me a mystical route using sayings, f2f support, the 12 steps etc etc. This works as well for so many folks, but my brain loves analysis and I found my recovery path so far in science.

It is all about dopamine. Booze altered my ability to produce it and booze gave me endorphins that sent me into "Palookaville" making all my troubles, even the booze induced ones, disappear for a short time. This is the same for any mind altering drug. The nature of addiction is a negative perpetual motion machine and breaking the cycle hurts initially horribly, for well over a year manifesting in various forms, then drags on forever. Folks regret relapse after decades of sobriety.

Relapse stats are terrifying.

Like I said in the beginning, I would have never made it out if I didn't have my physical/mental scare and SR to guide me.

Love and Thanks.

LumenandNyx

You could take the time and go to all the trouble to combat this stuff or you could just turn all the noise off. Not down - Off.
Stop listening to it.
Just because fears and/or negative thoughts pop into your head doesn't mean you have to acknowledge them. It's just as easy to dismiss them once you get the hang of doing it. Almost anything worth doing - that I can think of - usually takes a little practice. And the more time and attention one gives to ANYTHING - the more that thing seems to find a way to put itself at the center of one's attention. It's weird.
Right now - I've got strawberry shakes at the center of my attention. My thighs are paying the price, but I just don't care. Life's too short. And I really love strawberry shakes.

Steely

Hi Ellie,

All of us have had similar fears when deciding to stop drinking. It's scary, and it's unfamiliar territory.

Yours, like mine, seem related to the fear of 'being'. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's how I see it. There seems a lack of confidence in yourself to take on life, to trust in yourself, and to find how very interesting, not boring, purposeful, you really are.

Alcohol removes the opportunity for you to find yourself Ellie. And I'm trying to speak in the first person.

I've been sober for 7 months and have for the first time decided to take on these fears sober. It's getting easier as I go, my confidence more enhanced. It's been really interesting. So much more interesting than intoxication. Sobriety offers nuance, subtleties, strengths not found in alcohol. It also offers fearful times, but that's life. I want now to face my fears sober. There will never be enough alcohol to banish me further. Looks like it's up to me. And I'm grateful.

Your list of fears all have their opposites Ellie. Just got to do the conversion. Intoxicated you is not who you really are. You know that. You will find yourself in sobriety Ellie, and the fears you list will seem meaningless. You will be living authentically.

Wishing you the best Ellie.

Dee74

hi and welcome Ellie

I think everyone has those fears

I'm not blissfully happy sober - but I am happy.
I haven;t got everything I ever wanted - but I am content.

I can look at myself in the mirror and not be ashamed.

I cn make a difference in the lives of those I love, in my community and in the world around me.

My life has improved a thousandfold from my drinking life - like moving from black and white to colour.

I hope the face the fear and do it anyway

D

least

I had some of those fears too, but they got fainter and fainter the longer I was sober. It turned out that my fears were only in my head. Living sober allowed me to find out who I really was and develop myself to be the best person I could be.

I think you'll find your fears are overblown. Stay sober and practice gratitude.

Anna

Ellie, I had a lot of fears, too and it was hard for me to get beyond the fears and stop drinking. Your life probably won't be perfect, but I believe that you will be more content and happy with yourself. There is fear in stopping drinking, but there is also so much hope.

neferkamichael

Ellie323, Looks just like a list of fears I had, however, I just turned 10 years sober. I still have those friends but I don't see them any more and they're not crying about it either. You'll do a lot better finding yourself and starting over without the booze and have more money in your pocket. There is this thing in our minds that we around here call the AV(Addictive Voice) and it might be a good idea to take it seriously. It will use every trick in the book to trip you up and make you drink. I suffered quite a bit in the early days but after about a year most of the fears became greatly diminished. You can do it, we are all rootin for ya.

DriGuy

For me, each one of those things on her list, turned out to be red herrings. I had the same apprehensions at first. It's hard to understand how good sobriety can be when you have no experience with it.

MaximusD

I think some of those fears would disappear. Some however hang around and just being human we have to deal with them. Things are so much easier to deal with sober.

Fallow

It's a great list. I have every single one of those fears. And many more. It's sad when I really think about it. My whole life has been rooted in fear. I hope many of them will go away with time. The reality for me is that I can deal with them drunk or sober, but I still have to deal with them. I gotta try sober.

Steely

You've got to meet a few red herrings on the way to the whale.

EndGameNYC

The only time I felt something like courage was when I was afraid; afraid of something that hadn't happened yet.

My experience is that trying to control the outcome of what we do is an unfortunate distraction. In my years of drinking the situation changed, the people changed, and the places changed, but the outcome was always the same. We stop drinking, we can't rely on that kind of certainty anymore. And for me, that was a good thing.

Aim high. There are plenty of things you can do now that you could never do while you're drinking. No reason to take a great opportunity as a threat.

overforty

Fear of what will happen if I don't stop drinking.
This screams at me daily.
At the moment it outweighs the others.
I think we're all afraid Ellie - I'd love to learn healthy ways to cope with life wouldn't you?

brighterday1234

I learned that for an alcoholic there can only be three outcomes if one continues to drink: prison, institution or death. These are worse than any of those fears for me personally.

In recovery I learned that fear, particularly self-centred fear is at the core of every alcoholic more or less. It says this clearly in the book Alcoholics Anonymous.

When you get recovered from alcoholism you lose the majority of fear and realise that fear tells lies and is mostly completely untrue and unfounded.

My experience of your fears are that they all turned out to be untrue; I just had to trust the process of recovery and give time time.

Sober45

I believe all of those fears have the same root cause....An inner belief that "I am not good enough and do not measure up". I grew up with that belief at the center of my core. Throughout school, the idea that I didn't measure up was constantly reinforced (i'm a socially weird person). I didn't take very many risks for fear of failure...so my personal development was somewhat stunted at a young age. Even today, I don't post on social media for fear of what others will think. But I just started "liking" peoples posts. So that's progress.

It all starts with self-love and acceptance. It's ok to be mediocre.

fishkiller

I hear ya!

You did the right thing by writing it out in my opinion.

Your biggest fear should be living in fear.

Get sober, put faith into the belief that there is a purpose in your life.

fishkiller

I do want to address one specifically since it was a big one for me not that the others were not this one just stands out to me.

Fear of not knowing who I am without alcohol

Well I am 6 months alcohol free so I think I have caught a glimpse of that guy. I REALLY like him! He ain't perfect but man he seems much better as a human than the drunk I was 6 months ago.
I believe others kinda like him too.

DriGuy

Great posts here.

Gabe1980

I am riddled with fear and have been since my early teens. One thing that sobriety does bring, is the clarity to see things as they are and to be able to work on them. I am really grateful for that......

Also, being grateful helps managed fear. It takes work to try and consistently be grateful but it really helps xxx