Laura3

Nothing in life gives me pleasure. Im not close to my family besides a couple, I dont get along with people anymore since people did me wrong so many times, not interested in dating or sex, have no career, no hobbies, theres nothing in this life for me, im like a lost soul just wandering the earth. I wonder if drinking and drugs are the only pleasure I have.

Laura3

Feel like even if I lose I cant be much worse off. I already have nothing to lose

Soberwolf

Not at all its pretty common if not textbook to feel devoid of any emotions at this point as the addiction takes control so it removes all competition like all the stuff your missing badly right now ive felt the way you feel now so have a lot if others here .. still do

what im trying to say is just try to see the addiction cares for nothing else not even you it will become a parasite in the brain i see addiction kinda a bit like that

stay with us day night whenever you need ok

Laura3

Its not just now its built up over the years. Probably why i ended up drinking everyday, hopelessness about getting ahead in a world of chimps and feeling antisocial from seeing people for what they are, dumb greedy apes. I really dont like my life or this world

Laura3

Im not going to waste any more time on this, just need to start making money again

Dropsie

Sounds like you are depressed (duh..).

Can you get outside, do some excercise, dance to your favourite music...

Laura3

I went for a long walk, sometimes I think too much, I mean I see things as they really are. It can be depressing but it isnt just depression

doggonecarl

If all you want is to be resigned to your misery and despair, then yes, drinking might be the answer. But if you want a life that takes pleasure from the many blessings that await us, then you have to do it sober.

Laura3

I dont mean to be negative so I wont drag this out, but my life never had any blessings. Feel like ive been paddling againt a current all my life. Family was too concerned with themselves I was neglected, I can see now I had mental health problems even as a child but nobody noticed or cared. I carried that on throuought my adulthood repeating dysfunctional relationships and not achieving because nobody taught me or directed me in any direction. My parents were dumb young and on drugs and I think my life was nothing but a mistake. Ive never been able to get over it and move on

Anna

Try to find gratitude for just one or two things in your life today.

Nathan57

Hey Laura - I am really sorry you had such a bad childhood. I see that a lot on here - in myself as well. I drank, and drank and drank to escape my childhood. The thing was, it worked until it didn't. I just became even more depressed and bitter than I was before I started drinking. I decided to give myself a chance. I stopped. I got some medical help. Things are a lot better today. I still get down, but no-where near what I was like when I was drinking and living in the past.

I had to finally leave the past behind and move on. You can do it too. There really is good in this world. I love my cat. He's hysterical! I do some volunteer work. My neighbor brought my trash can in for me today. A little thing - but it's good. There are nice people in the world. It is so hard to see it though when you are drunk or drugged. I really hope you give yourself a chance.

Coldfusion

Laura, I think a lot of us here have the same feelings. Support helps. Stick with us!

You could join a Class thread, and post daily in the 24-Hour Club. There a numerous other on-going threads to join.

MaximusD

This is a very common thing Laura. What is also common is people coming back with a complete turnaround. This isn't to say that life is perfect but it sounds like it can't get much worse. Sounds like you need a therapist. I was hesitant but now have one. You can get a therapist who needs hours for their final certification or whatever it is called. These therapists are cheaper. Why spend the money on alcohol. One thing is for damn sure, I can ABSOLUTLY GUARENTEE your life will improve at least SOME without alcohol and I think it will be a lot. I hear your addiction talking and that is not cool. You can have a wonderful life, it is never too late you just have to take the first step in that direction and then the next.

Sober45

Hi Laura. Many of us have had traumatic childhoods. But I have to admit, growing up the way you did seems quite horrible to say the least. You deserve credit just for being able to assess the whole situation instead of blindly going about your life. I believe you can still find peace and happiness. There is always hope...always. Maybe one day you will build yourself into a tower of strength from these experiences. It's the ones who've "been there" that can help the most.

PuckLuck

Boy can I relate to this one...

I've always been an old, lost soul, too. I feel like I was born in the wrong time. Just completely out of place.

I hear a lot of depression talking and I get it. Not interested in anything, no hobbies, no relationships, no friends, no sex, no nothing. Yup. Check mark all of that. I haven't been in a romantic relationship in over 2 years, but I honestly don't miss the drama, so oddly enough I'm totally fine with it. I guess I'm just trying to say that you're not alone. We have all experienced these feelings. They will subside in their severity in time. Ups and downs. It happens. I agree with what others have said here. Try to get outside and get some sunshine. Go for a walk. Talk to the few members of your family you are close to.

And I get you about people doing you wrong. I've been (bleep) on my entire life, but in return I have (bleep) on quite a few people myself. So I guess it evened out, huh?

Hope you feel better. Please keep posting.

kk1k5x

I think you would find Gabor Mate's book "In the realm of hungry ghosts: close encounters with addiction" a very useful read. Mental and emotional pain activates the same areas of the brain as physical pain. Being depressed and only seeing negative in the world is the emotional equivalent of getting bodyslammed by a 800-pound gorilla on the regular. So, you must ask yourself "why the pain?" (not "why the drinking?" because drinking is your attempt at chasing the gorilla away, but it's not working and it will never work -- that's why you need to deal with the pain, and dealing with the pain is easier whilst sober).
Best of luck

PuckLuck

Same, so we can only go up.

Laura3

I was saying last week its this appartment. I never made it feel like home, never felt right here or in this town. Nowhere nice to go.

Philemon

Laura darlin, It's not that you don't want to live. It's that you don't want to live AS YOU ARE NOW.
The drink and drugs are not "pleasure" they are adding to or even causing your despair.
There is hope in this life for you, if you are brave enough to let it in.
People may have done you wrong, but that's because they are not good people, not that you are not a good person, deserving of love and kindness.
Dating or sex doesn't matter when you are this low, self love matters. I've been here, take regular trips here. You mustn't despair. You MUST find the inner strength again that you obviously have to come this far on.
I don't know your story, but I believe if you on here, trying to connect to other people, you don't really want to give up I know I didn't.
You need to see the good in life. No not all of life is good, not all people are good, some are downright evil. But don't let the negativity that seems prevalent these days drown out your light x

Laura3

Yeah thats kind of what happened its like I was born an angel of light but as the years went by im more like satan. I dont want to hurt anyone but my my lights gone