Well, I'm back.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 94
Well, I'm back.....
I quit drinking for one day shy of a month back in February. Then I had this bright idea that I could moderate my drinking.....yea, that didn't work so well. I turned into a sneaky lying mess. I had been thinking about quitting again for the last few weeks and just decided to join you folks again. I want my husband to be proud of me, like he was back in February, that's my motivation! It's good to be back!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Welcome back.
Make YOU proud of you. That's the greatest reward. I think this has to be an inside job and not something that is only done for someone else. The payoff is so big that you will be proud and relieved if you stick to it. It's so worth it.
Have you made a plan? What caused you to pick up the last time?
And, yeah. Every one of us tried the Moderation Experiment. I'll tell you how it ends - back at the same misery. But you already know that.
Make YOU proud of you. That's the greatest reward. I think this has to be an inside job and not something that is only done for someone else. The payoff is so big that you will be proud and relieved if you stick to it. It's so worth it.
Have you made a plan? What caused you to pick up the last time?
And, yeah. Every one of us tried the Moderation Experiment. I'll tell you how it ends - back at the same misery. But you already know that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
Welcome back.
Make YOU proud of you. That's the greatest reward. I think this has to be an inside job and not something that is only done for someone else. The payoff is so big that you will be proud and relieved if you stick to it. It's so worth it.
Have you made a plan? What caused you to pick up the last time?
And, yeah. Every one of us tried the Moderation Experiment. I'll tell you how it ends - back at the same misery. But you already know that.
Make YOU proud of you. That's the greatest reward. I think this has to be an inside job and not something that is only done for someone else. The payoff is so big that you will be proud and relieved if you stick to it. It's so worth it.
Have you made a plan? What caused you to pick up the last time?
And, yeah. Every one of us tried the Moderation Experiment. I'll tell you how it ends - back at the same misery. But you already know that.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by RedheadJen
Oh I'm definitely doing it for me too. I want to feel good again, like I did when I was sober. I dont really have a plan. I want to read This Naked Mind again, what an awesome book. I have the support of my husband and my sister, which is huge. I picked up again because I knew my husband, who admits to being an enabler, would let me. He hates alcohol but he wants me "happy" too. I told him not to let me buy anymore. I really think I have it this time. I want to be a better person. I cant wait to wake up sober in the morning!
Keep posting! Welcome back into the Light.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
Sounds like your head is in the right place. I'm sober 6 months after years and years of trying. Trying to moderate got me every time. I think accepting I can't moderate, has made all the difference this time around.
My husband was an enabler too. It got to a point where I think he liked me better when I was drinking. He forgot who I was. At the end, when I asked him, he said he wasn't sure if I had a problem or not. It made me so angry that here I was, finally admitting to my problem, and he wasn't even taking it seriously!?! I couldn't understand.
But that has all changed now. He had to see me sober to see what he was missing...and so did I.
Getting sober is so so worth it.
My husband was an enabler too. It got to a point where I think he liked me better when I was drinking. He forgot who I was. At the end, when I asked him, he said he wasn't sure if I had a problem or not. It made me so angry that here I was, finally admitting to my problem, and he wasn't even taking it seriously!?! I couldn't understand.
But that has all changed now. He had to see me sober to see what he was missing...and so did I.
Getting sober is so so worth it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by Sober45
Sounds like your head is in the right place. I'm sober 6 months after years and years of trying. Trying to moderate got me every time. I think accepting I can't moderate, has made all the difference this time around.
My husband was an enabler too. It got to a point where I think he liked me better when I was drinking. He forgot who I was. At the end, when I asked him, he said he wasn't sure if I had a problem or not. It made me so angry that here I was, finally admitting to my problem, and he wasn't even taking it seriously!?! I couldn't understand.
But that has all changed now. He had to see me sober to see what he was missing...and so did I.
Getting sober is so so worth it.
My husband was an enabler too. It got to a point where I think he liked me better when I was drinking. He forgot who I was. At the end, when I asked him, he said he wasn't sure if I had a problem or not. It made me so angry that here I was, finally admitting to my problem, and he wasn't even taking it seriously!?! I couldn't understand.
But that has all changed now. He had to see me sober to see what he was missing...and so did I.
Getting sober is so so worth it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,421
"Getting sober is so so worth it." X 100
Great to have you back Jen.
I thought a lot about how much better it would be for my wife and kid if I quit but that would never have gotten me through the initial stages on its own.
Great to have you back Jen.
I thought a lot about how much better it would be for my wife and kid if I quit but that would never have gotten me through the initial stages on its own.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
I gave up on moderation long ago. I just decided what is the point anyway? No point to drink poison in moderation. Glad to have you back. Do what you did to get that month and as you get more sober days get ready for the AV to pipe up and be prepared to deal.
Coffee Snob
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Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 808
Originally Posted by RedheadJen
I quit drinking for one day shy of a month back in February. Then I had this bright idea that I could moderate my drinking.....yea, that didn't work so well. I turned into a sneaky lying mess. I had been thinking about quitting again for the last few weeks and just decided to join you folks again. I want my husband to be proud of me, like he was back in February, that's my motivation! It's good to be back!!
Happy to hear you're back at it. Please feel free to join all of us July Quitters in the Class of July Thread ---> https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-one-18.html
We would love to have ya there.
Coffee Snob
Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 808
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Have you listened to Annie Grace's podcasts? They're excellent, short, like 10-20 minutes tops. There are a ton of them. Just Google "This Naked Mind" podcast.
Keep posting! Welcome back into the Light.
Keep posting! Welcome back into the Light.
Probably should read it again!
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
Read Annie's book. It really helped me. I bought it and it collected dust for a year. I read it after I was determined to quit again. I'm 1.5 years sober. My husband was my biggest drinking partner. He didn't like all our drinking but he also didn't understand why it's all or nothing for me. So a few quits he would be like - it's just eh weekend! If we keep it to weekends....well you know... it never stays just on the weekends.
So when it comes to sobriety and my husband, this is MY journey. I would just say over and over just one drink or one weekend isn't enough booze and it won't stop. He stopped asking about it. He seemed to finally get the message I was trying to convey and he is proud of my sobriety even if he misses some of our drinking time. We have spent SO much more time together, hikes getting the house in order that is BETTER than the drinking time. So when he drinks its usually a few times a year and away from me now.
You do have to do it for yourself. Your own motivation. Glad to have you back on the boards, come get sober with us!
So when it comes to sobriety and my husband, this is MY journey. I would just say over and over just one drink or one weekend isn't enough booze and it won't stop. He stopped asking about it. He seemed to finally get the message I was trying to convey and he is proud of my sobriety even if he misses some of our drinking time. We have spent SO much more time together, hikes getting the house in order that is BETTER than the drinking time. So when he drinks its usually a few times a year and away from me now.
You do have to do it for yourself. Your own motivation. Glad to have you back on the boards, come get sober with us!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 243
You have to reprogram your brain that booze doesn’t make you happy. It did at one point but it doesn’t work anymore. Sober is happy. What’s the difference between sober and dry? Sober means you’re not going back ever. Dry means you’re just taking a break.
Dry is a living hell. Sober is being happy every day. Waking up clear headed and saying wow this is great! This day belongs to me all day. Not the bottle.
Dry is a living hell. Sober is being happy every day. Waking up clear headed and saying wow this is great! This day belongs to me all day. Not the bottle.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Welcome back Jen!
Sobriety is hugely rewarding and makes for far healthier relationships with everyone in our lives. You won't have to deal with the guilt of lying to your husband any more. Alcohol poisons relationships in lots of ways and dishonesty is a big one - but I'm sure you know that.
My current partner only knows me sober. He is a normal drinker who feels 'dusty' the next morning if he has half a bottle of wine. Before he met me, he never understood alcoholism as a disease that means the sufferer cannot drink normally. He is a wonderful man but there is a lot about alcoholism he will never understand. He once said that he was proud of me for overcoming alcoholism and though I deeply value his feeling that and expressing it, I know he can't truly appreciate what a powerful and meaningful journey it was for me.
Getting and staying sober was my personal journey and not a single person in my real life will ever know how much it means to me to have achieved it. (The folks here actually understand better than my loved ones.)
Definitely be grateful for your dear hubby's support, and if he provides encouragement, that's great. But I think you'll find the true reward will come in your own transformation.
Sobriety is hugely rewarding and makes for far healthier relationships with everyone in our lives. You won't have to deal with the guilt of lying to your husband any more. Alcohol poisons relationships in lots of ways and dishonesty is a big one - but I'm sure you know that.
My current partner only knows me sober. He is a normal drinker who feels 'dusty' the next morning if he has half a bottle of wine. Before he met me, he never understood alcoholism as a disease that means the sufferer cannot drink normally. He is a wonderful man but there is a lot about alcoholism he will never understand. He once said that he was proud of me for overcoming alcoholism and though I deeply value his feeling that and expressing it, I know he can't truly appreciate what a powerful and meaningful journey it was for me.
Getting and staying sober was my personal journey and not a single person in my real life will ever know how much it means to me to have achieved it. (The folks here actually understand better than my loved ones.)
Definitely be grateful for your dear hubby's support, and if he provides encouragement, that's great. But I think you'll find the true reward will come in your own transformation.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Jen - welcome back. You have a join date that is similar to mine - we've wasted too much time. I think you've known moderation to be a fool's errand for much longer than this last go-around. Committing to permanent sobriety is the only way - and it will provide for you all the things that drinking destroys, limits and prohibits. I bet you know that as well. Question is - what's the plan?
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