Letting Go ~ The Journey That Can Change Your Life
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Letting Go ~ The Journey That Can Change Your Life I posted this years ago in another forum I read it again last night and it is still relevant and one of the most important writings about "Letting Go" that I have ever read.
It's worth the read, please take time to connect what the author says to your own situation. I promise it is worth the time.
Letting Go
By Barry Elwin-Jones
WHAT IS LETTING GO?
Letting go can be the most terrifying experience we can have. Letting go means having no support mechanism for our egos. Put simply, when we let go, we trust that everything is going to work out in our best interest even when we are in the middle of an experience that screams out to us to hang on.
Our life flows from within. Life is not a series of unrelated cosmic accidents waiting to happen. The holes we fall into were dug by us at an earlier time, we just did not realize we were digging them. Our thoughts, words and actions were creating our future experiences while we were thinking, speaking, and doing them. You created your current experience.
WHAT IS THERE TO LET GO OF?
We can let go of all the judgment, of fixing other people's problems, of manipulating and controlling people's lives close to us, and forcing our lives to go in directions that our logical minds tells us they must go. We can let go of the need to keep arranging things in our physical world so that we can be happy. We can stop reacting to thoughts and emotions with fear.
Fear alone is responsible for us not wanting to let go of what we term "our lives." We infuriate our teenagers by constantly checking about their homework and other items in their lives that they are more than capable to deal with. The biggest package to let go of is our concepts about everything. We hold concepts about the way things are, and then have expectations around those concepts--talk about a recipe for disaster. We do not know what is going on, and we have little or no knowledge of the best result for everyone, yet we base our happiness on an expected outcome. These things and more are involved in "hanging on."
FEAR OF LETTING GO
To let go is to let go of our fear. Fear is the mother of anger, intolerance, greed, arrogance, selfishness, egotistical behavior, self-centeredness and a host of other undesirable traits. We don't want these traits in our lives because the behavior that springs from these traits separates us from our light. As we involve ourselves in these fearful behavior patterns, we know that we are dishonoring ourselves and the other person, and this hurts us greatly. When we allow fear to take hold, we will lash out even more in our defense to hide our pain and dishonoring of self. Courage and strength are needed to let go, and you can do it. It is not necessary to do it in one go, you can take away pieces of who you are not, and let them go gradually. You're in charge.
WE NEED TO BE A VICTIM FIRST
In early stages of personal growth we are not open to other ideas or concepts. We are generally resistant to ideas such as "Why did you bring this into your life?" Or friends who say, "You will be fine, stop worrying about it." We find it infuriating and it appears to us as if they don't care or really understand the way we feel.
Chronic body pain represents a part of us that is screaming out for attention. Pain, frustration and anger are common. "People just don't understand what I am going through" is a common remark. We come back and visit this victim stage regularly. We are totally absorbed in our misery, and anyone who tries to shake us out of it is in for a tough time. At this stage we want sympathy, not helpful suggestions. We are busy dumping blame on others for our pain and suffering. "Oh me, oh my, poor little me. No matter what I do or how I organize my life, someone always screws it up," we say. The tighter we hang, the greater the pain. The more we organize others' lives, the greater the frustration from unfulfilled expectations. Do you think God is trying to tell us something?
GIVING UP AND LETTING GO
Letting go conjures up images of lack of control, being lost, getting left behind, loneliness, financial ruin. This free fall state appears to offer nothing but fear and disaster. The ego has always instructed us that striving and achievement is everything. Letting go can only result in a fall with devastating results. After all, no self-responsible human being does that sort of thing. So we need to hang on, white knuckled and teeth clenched, in order to appear normal, while we smile through our frozen faces and staring eyes to make others feel comfortable as we conform to their expectations. This insanity is perpetuated each generation until we just let go.
THE LETTING GO EXPERIENCE
Sooner or later, we become so tired of hanging on to our misery that we just give up. Asking around, we find many offers of help come to us from varied sources. We have opened the door. Hanging on takes inordinate amounts of energy; we become very tired propping up the image we wish to portray. We simultaneously suppress our emotions, and eventually the load just gets too heavy to carry. Sooner or later we must put our burden down.
The letting go experience becomes like a free fall, like trust exercises of falling backwards into other people's waiting arms. Momentarily there is fear and total lack of control, but then helpful and safe hands support us as we land, dispelling our unwarranted fears. We pass through this door many times on our healing journey as our egos struggle for control through fear.
As the fear and stress of hanging on subsides after letting go, the pain and misery also abates as we see we are not alone. There is an improvement in outlook immediately.
AN EXAMPLE
Some years ago when I decided to let go, I left to go around Australia in a 20-year-old car and a tent with just enough money to reach my first destination. For the next two years I traveled continuously, giving workshops and living in my tent. At 54 years of age, the experience was filled with fear. As I let go, my life became magical. So can yours, and you don't have to live in a tent.
WHY HANG ON?
We have so much difficulty hanging on and it causes us so much pain and disappointment that you would think we would be anxious to change, but we steadfastly refuse to see the common sense in letting go. Instead we see the fear and let it block our path to freedom. We resist letting go of our concepts about the way things are or should be, just to keep our egos happy. We push our children to perform and excel just to please our egos. We insist that our partners walk, talk and act in ways to please us, so we can be happy. The expectations we put on our partners and children are ours alone and we reap the consequences. We expect them to act, speak and think the way we do for our own sakes. If we really loved them, we would accept everything they say and do as necessary for them and honor their pathways home as we expect them to honor ours.
The greatest gift we can give our partners is to cut them free of our expectations. In this single action, we free ourselves to experience happiness in our relationships.
Everything we see in this creation needs changing, according to us. If we see a forest, we believe that a car park would be more useful. Then after a few years, we believe we should grow trees on the car park, forgetting that there were trees there in the first place. After we get our family under control, we then have the arrogance to tell our older and wiser parents how to live out the rest of their lives. By the time we start on our friends' behavior, our children have rebelled, our partner has left us and our worlds start to wobble.
Stand by for the stress, pain, nervous breakdowns, physical illnesses and all of the other symptoms hanging on and perceived failure brings. Our fingernails start to splinter and break as control slips through them. We blame everyone else for our unhappiness, when all we need to do is LET GO.
REACTIONS TO LETTING GO
When we eventually let go, sometimes all hell breaks loose, sometimes we become sicker than ever before. Deeply hidden issues surface like dragons from the past, threatening to eat us alive. Our "normal" life activities are turned on their heads and unreal feelings of panic spread through us, telling us we should have left well enough alone. Friends judge us and walk out of our lives. Guilt raises its head and blames us for upsetting and destroying others' lives.
The day-to-day comfort zone has been shattered and the winds of change are blowing. The winds blow into corners that have not seen light for many lifetimes, and the pain can be almost unbearable. We find our greatest fears are unfounded as we let go to the Light. Hanging on causes our distress; freedom is already ours, we just need to let it be there.
The Universe is shifting to meet our newly embraced reality. We still have the same body, the same soul, but our thinking has changed, and therefore so must our reality change. The Universe must accommodate us with every change of mind, that is universal law.
THE RIVER OF LIFE
During all of these crazy activities that we think are essential to our happiness, we block the flow of life from our God center. Our future experiences vibrate to the same confusion that we are creating in our fearful hanging on state in the now. We just do not allow what is best for us to come into our lives. By continuing to create confusing karma with our minds, we ensure our future will be the same.
There is a divine energy that flows from within. This is the river of life that flows from our hearts. The river is gold and silver, pure and radiant, a light vibration of the highest frequency. This light is the Christ, the highest vibration possible that we can radiate on this plane of existence. When this river of life flows uninterrupted, our lives become perfect and in harmony with the Creator's intention.
Letting go is plunging into this flow without thoughts of a fearful nature and trusting that lifetimes of fear will be reversed and perfection manifested our lives. However, this does not happen to our timetable, but to the Creator's timing. First we must deal with the self-made creations already in our lives before we feel the major effects of the divine. Letting go has to happen first in order that the Greater can come in. Depending on our past experiences and reactions to those situations, we may have created such beautiful karma that life is a continuous blissful state. Then again, it may not be.
NOT RESISTING
Letting go is acknowledging that there is a greater power that flows through us that has our best interest at heart. Without any effort on our parts, we can let go to this power and allow. By not resisting, we can let our lives flow like a river from our hearts, making room in our lives for everything that needs to be there and allowing other things to pass by and move on. The joy of life is in the standing still and allowing. We discover that peace comes in when we cease to struggle. When we know we are in a dream, everything can be released.
It's worth the read, please take time to connect what the author says to your own situation. I promise it is worth the time.
Letting Go
By Barry Elwin-Jones
WHAT IS LETTING GO?
Letting go can be the most terrifying experience we can have. Letting go means having no support mechanism for our egos. Put simply, when we let go, we trust that everything is going to work out in our best interest even when we are in the middle of an experience that screams out to us to hang on.
Our life flows from within. Life is not a series of unrelated cosmic accidents waiting to happen. The holes we fall into were dug by us at an earlier time, we just did not realize we were digging them. Our thoughts, words and actions were creating our future experiences while we were thinking, speaking, and doing them. You created your current experience.
WHAT IS THERE TO LET GO OF?
We can let go of all the judgment, of fixing other people's problems, of manipulating and controlling people's lives close to us, and forcing our lives to go in directions that our logical minds tells us they must go. We can let go of the need to keep arranging things in our physical world so that we can be happy. We can stop reacting to thoughts and emotions with fear.
Fear alone is responsible for us not wanting to let go of what we term "our lives." We infuriate our teenagers by constantly checking about their homework and other items in their lives that they are more than capable to deal with. The biggest package to let go of is our concepts about everything. We hold concepts about the way things are, and then have expectations around those concepts--talk about a recipe for disaster. We do not know what is going on, and we have little or no knowledge of the best result for everyone, yet we base our happiness on an expected outcome. These things and more are involved in "hanging on."
FEAR OF LETTING GO
To let go is to let go of our fear. Fear is the mother of anger, intolerance, greed, arrogance, selfishness, egotistical behavior, self-centeredness and a host of other undesirable traits. We don't want these traits in our lives because the behavior that springs from these traits separates us from our light. As we involve ourselves in these fearful behavior patterns, we know that we are dishonoring ourselves and the other person, and this hurts us greatly. When we allow fear to take hold, we will lash out even more in our defense to hide our pain and dishonoring of self. Courage and strength are needed to let go, and you can do it. It is not necessary to do it in one go, you can take away pieces of who you are not, and let them go gradually. You're in charge.
WE NEED TO BE A VICTIM FIRST
In early stages of personal growth we are not open to other ideas or concepts. We are generally resistant to ideas such as "Why did you bring this into your life?" Or friends who say, "You will be fine, stop worrying about it." We find it infuriating and it appears to us as if they don't care or really understand the way we feel.
Chronic body pain represents a part of us that is screaming out for attention. Pain, frustration and anger are common. "People just don't understand what I am going through" is a common remark. We come back and visit this victim stage regularly. We are totally absorbed in our misery, and anyone who tries to shake us out of it is in for a tough time. At this stage we want sympathy, not helpful suggestions. We are busy dumping blame on others for our pain and suffering. "Oh me, oh my, poor little me. No matter what I do or how I organize my life, someone always screws it up," we say. The tighter we hang, the greater the pain. The more we organize others' lives, the greater the frustration from unfulfilled expectations. Do you think God is trying to tell us something?
GIVING UP AND LETTING GO
Letting go conjures up images of lack of control, being lost, getting left behind, loneliness, financial ruin. This free fall state appears to offer nothing but fear and disaster. The ego has always instructed us that striving and achievement is everything. Letting go can only result in a fall with devastating results. After all, no self-responsible human being does that sort of thing. So we need to hang on, white knuckled and teeth clenched, in order to appear normal, while we smile through our frozen faces and staring eyes to make others feel comfortable as we conform to their expectations. This insanity is perpetuated each generation until we just let go.
THE LETTING GO EXPERIENCE
Sooner or later, we become so tired of hanging on to our misery that we just give up. Asking around, we find many offers of help come to us from varied sources. We have opened the door. Hanging on takes inordinate amounts of energy; we become very tired propping up the image we wish to portray. We simultaneously suppress our emotions, and eventually the load just gets too heavy to carry. Sooner or later we must put our burden down.
The letting go experience becomes like a free fall, like trust exercises of falling backwards into other people's waiting arms. Momentarily there is fear and total lack of control, but then helpful and safe hands support us as we land, dispelling our unwarranted fears. We pass through this door many times on our healing journey as our egos struggle for control through fear.
As the fear and stress of hanging on subsides after letting go, the pain and misery also abates as we see we are not alone. There is an improvement in outlook immediately.
AN EXAMPLE
Some years ago when I decided to let go, I left to go around Australia in a 20-year-old car and a tent with just enough money to reach my first destination. For the next two years I traveled continuously, giving workshops and living in my tent. At 54 years of age, the experience was filled with fear. As I let go, my life became magical. So can yours, and you don't have to live in a tent.
WHY HANG ON?
We have so much difficulty hanging on and it causes us so much pain and disappointment that you would think we would be anxious to change, but we steadfastly refuse to see the common sense in letting go. Instead we see the fear and let it block our path to freedom. We resist letting go of our concepts about the way things are or should be, just to keep our egos happy. We push our children to perform and excel just to please our egos. We insist that our partners walk, talk and act in ways to please us, so we can be happy. The expectations we put on our partners and children are ours alone and we reap the consequences. We expect them to act, speak and think the way we do for our own sakes. If we really loved them, we would accept everything they say and do as necessary for them and honor their pathways home as we expect them to honor ours.
The greatest gift we can give our partners is to cut them free of our expectations. In this single action, we free ourselves to experience happiness in our relationships.
Everything we see in this creation needs changing, according to us. If we see a forest, we believe that a car park would be more useful. Then after a few years, we believe we should grow trees on the car park, forgetting that there were trees there in the first place. After we get our family under control, we then have the arrogance to tell our older and wiser parents how to live out the rest of their lives. By the time we start on our friends' behavior, our children have rebelled, our partner has left us and our worlds start to wobble.
Stand by for the stress, pain, nervous breakdowns, physical illnesses and all of the other symptoms hanging on and perceived failure brings. Our fingernails start to splinter and break as control slips through them. We blame everyone else for our unhappiness, when all we need to do is LET GO.
REACTIONS TO LETTING GO
When we eventually let go, sometimes all hell breaks loose, sometimes we become sicker than ever before. Deeply hidden issues surface like dragons from the past, threatening to eat us alive. Our "normal" life activities are turned on their heads and unreal feelings of panic spread through us, telling us we should have left well enough alone. Friends judge us and walk out of our lives. Guilt raises its head and blames us for upsetting and destroying others' lives.
The day-to-day comfort zone has been shattered and the winds of change are blowing. The winds blow into corners that have not seen light for many lifetimes, and the pain can be almost unbearable. We find our greatest fears are unfounded as we let go to the Light. Hanging on causes our distress; freedom is already ours, we just need to let it be there.
The Universe is shifting to meet our newly embraced reality. We still have the same body, the same soul, but our thinking has changed, and therefore so must our reality change. The Universe must accommodate us with every change of mind, that is universal law.
THE RIVER OF LIFE
During all of these crazy activities that we think are essential to our happiness, we block the flow of life from our God center. Our future experiences vibrate to the same confusion that we are creating in our fearful hanging on state in the now. We just do not allow what is best for us to come into our lives. By continuing to create confusing karma with our minds, we ensure our future will be the same.
There is a divine energy that flows from within. This is the river of life that flows from our hearts. The river is gold and silver, pure and radiant, a light vibration of the highest frequency. This light is the Christ, the highest vibration possible that we can radiate on this plane of existence. When this river of life flows uninterrupted, our lives become perfect and in harmony with the Creator's intention.
Letting go is plunging into this flow without thoughts of a fearful nature and trusting that lifetimes of fear will be reversed and perfection manifested our lives. However, this does not happen to our timetable, but to the Creator's timing. First we must deal with the self-made creations already in our lives before we feel the major effects of the divine. Letting go has to happen first in order that the Greater can come in. Depending on our past experiences and reactions to those situations, we may have created such beautiful karma that life is a continuous blissful state. Then again, it may not be.
NOT RESISTING
Letting go is acknowledging that there is a greater power that flows through us that has our best interest at heart. Without any effort on our parts, we can let go to this power and allow. By not resisting, we can let our lives flow like a river from our hearts, making room in our lives for everything that needs to be there and allowing other things to pass by and move on. The joy of life is in the standing still and allowing. We discover that peace comes in when we cease to struggle. When we know we are in a dream, everything can be released.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
The day-to-day comfort zone has been shattered and the winds of change are blowing. The winds blow into corners that have not seen light for many lifetimes, and the pain can be almost unbearable. We find our greatest fears are unfounded as we let go to the Light. Hanging on causes our distress; freedom is already ours, we just need to let it be there.
Early in my recovery,, it was difficult for me to let go and let my life change. With all the chaos, with all the pain, my life as I knew it was familiar and therefore comfortable. I knew how to live the way I was living. My life was predictable, so I knew what to expect. I knew how to treat the pain and regain my strength so I could handle the next round of the same thing.
What slowed my growth was fear of the unknown. I couldn't see where change would take me, and didn't know if I was prepared to deal with new life, new feelings and new actions. Nothing was predictable, and therefore it all felt unsafe.
Two things happened at the same time that helped me with this. I surrendered in exhaustion and went to my first meeting. And there I saw others who had been where I had been, or worse places, and they had something I wanted. I had no idea what it was, but I saw peace and serenity and love on their faces, and I became willing to do whatever it took to get some of that for myself. Blind faith was the only way I could do it.
Letting go, to me today, means sometimes just letting blind faith lead me to wherever I need to be.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I would love to hear people share here about how they broke the chains of codependency, or how they feel "stuck" today and frozen in time.
You each have a story to tell. You each matter and that's what our recovery is all about, walking with each other here and sharing our experience, strength and hope.
Even if you don't care to share, ponder this reading a while and think about how it can help you get from where you are today to where you need to be.
Hugs to everyone.
You each have a story to tell. You each matter and that's what our recovery is all about, walking with each other here and sharing our experience, strength and hope.
Even if you don't care to share, ponder this reading a while and think about how it can help you get from where you are today to where you need to be.
Hugs to everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Wonderful.
I am glad you posted this Ann!
I read the entire share as suggested, and so it is helping me to once again collect myself and get back on track this a.m.
As for that feeling sorry for myself thing -- well, not so constructive, lol.
I am glad you posted this Ann!
I read the entire share as suggested, and so it is helping me to once again collect myself and get back on track this a.m.
As for that feeling sorry for myself thing -- well, not so constructive, lol.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
When we eventually let go, sometimes all hell breaks loose, sometimes we become sicker than ever before. Deeply hidden issues surface like dragons from the past, threatening to eat us alive. Our "normal" life activities are turned on their heads and unreal feelings of panic spread through us, telling us we should have left well enough alone. Friends judge us and walk out of our lives. Guilt raises its head and blames us for upsetting and destroying others' lives.
Part of my "letting go" was to go to meetings...for ME. I read books about codependency, Codependent No More became like a bible to me, I read it over and over and came to understand why I was how I was...and learned that I could change and choose a better path. This had been unthinkable before recovery.
I knew my addicted son would be furious, his lies no longer were effective and I could spot them before he finished the sentence. I no longer had the need to "prove" anything, I knew he was using and addiction looks like addiction. His tantrums, anger, sweet talk, pitiful stories no longer moved me, and this part annoyed him more than anything. He opted to "go missing" for a while. I no longer went into panic mode, I just prayed and left the outcome up to him and God.
In the end he did walk out of my life for many years and I confess that I often wondered if he was alive or dead. But my recovery had my back, I could turn to faith that God would take care of him and then I lived my own life well and found a healthy happy new way to live each day.
Once I let go, there was no turning back for me. There is nothing in this world that would make me return to the dysfunctional life I had been living. I am not afraid anymore, not of anything. My faith sees me through the rough days and my program and daily prayers and meditation see me through the rest.
Letting go may be the hardest thing any of us ever do. But it is the one thing that will change our lives and and make them worth living again. Kick fear to the curb and just let go, I promise you will be glad you did.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 290
What a great read Ann. I agree with every word.
When my journey began, 6 years or so ago, with my addict son I was so frightened. The anxiety was horrendous, and I was just going through the motions - with everything!
I kept waiting on that "knock at the door" to tell me my son had been found dead.
I realised that I coud not continue this way, or I would hit the skids.
Reading these forums was an absolute life saver. I slowly grew stronger in my resolve. The turning point for me, was when I truly accepted that I could not change my sons behaviours. Yes, I knew this previously, but I didn't accept it, and flogged myself half to death for about 4 years - and not one thing had changed.
I remember reading posts from others who had lived through the same exeriences, and as you mentioned, appeared content and serene, and I thought oh I so wish I was at that point.
ACCEPTANCE, gave me that. Knowing I had no control over anyone else, and what will be, will be.
Much Love
Bute xx
When my journey began, 6 years or so ago, with my addict son I was so frightened. The anxiety was horrendous, and I was just going through the motions - with everything!
I kept waiting on that "knock at the door" to tell me my son had been found dead.
I realised that I coud not continue this way, or I would hit the skids.
Reading these forums was an absolute life saver. I slowly grew stronger in my resolve. The turning point for me, was when I truly accepted that I could not change my sons behaviours. Yes, I knew this previously, but I didn't accept it, and flogged myself half to death for about 4 years - and not one thing had changed.
I remember reading posts from others who had lived through the same exeriences, and as you mentioned, appeared content and serene, and I thought oh I so wish I was at that point.
ACCEPTANCE, gave me that. Knowing I had no control over anyone else, and what will be, will be.
Much Love
Bute xx
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I know your struggle, Bute, it is hard to watch our children self-destruct and feel helpless to do anything. I too waited for that knock on the door, with news that no parent ever wants to hear.
Acceptance is the key, that we are powerless over their choices, however poor they may be, and that only they can find their way back, when they are ready.
Today I say a prayer each morning, asking God to take care of my son, and then I spend my day embracing the beauty and joy and leave the rest to God and my son to sort out. Getting me out of the way leaves the path clear for my son to find his own way back, if he chooses to do so,
Thanks for sharing, I will keep your son in my prayers too.
Acceptance is the key, that we are powerless over their choices, however poor they may be, and that only they can find their way back, when they are ready.
Today I say a prayer each morning, asking God to take care of my son, and then I spend my day embracing the beauty and joy and leave the rest to God and my son to sort out. Getting me out of the way leaves the path clear for my son to find his own way back, if he chooses to do so,
Thanks for sharing, I will keep your son in my prayers too.
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